雅思写作案例分析详解

Some industrialized countries have serious environmental problems. The damage to the environment is an inevitable result when a country tends to improve the standard of living. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

正文：

Nowadays, environmental problems is (are/have been) one of the most serious phenomenon (Chinglish, 改为dangerous issues)that threat almost some(every) industrialized countries are facing. However, whether only countries use the resource in environment to increase the quality of life is a controversial issue. （我觉得应该改为：Thus, it is controversial that many countries have adapted the technics of excessively exploiting natural resources in order to accelerate economic development.）In my opinion, it is unavoidable that countries break the surrounding(破坏环境？不这样搭配) if they want to develop the industry and the level of life. (In my opinion, comparatively damage to the environment in the process of developing comprehensive national strength is an inevitable result.)

Nowadays, environmental problems have been one of the most dangerous issues that threat almost every industrialized countries. Thus, it is controversial that many countries have adapted the technics of excessively exploiting natural resources in order to accelerate economic development. In my opinion, comparatively damage to the environment in the process of developing comprehensive national strength is an inevitable result.

First, it is obvious that for our life(？), the purpose of long-term human activity is to make industrial development（make development没有这个用法哦）and improve the quality of life. This means that there are more and more rubbishes when we are working.（为什么用这么多there be 句型呢）Therefore, if we want to promote the economic （promote economy）, we may damage our environment in the daily life.（in the daily life 很生硬, 改为in unconscious ways）

Firstly, the very existence of human beings indeed exerts various influences on the natural environment, such as water pollution, disafforestation and the greenhouse effect. Besides that, human waste pollution has become more and more noteworthy with the fast sprawl of urban districts concerning the unprecedentedly speed of economic development.

Moreover, with the population growing by （没这个搭配哈, with the amount of population growing/increasing 差不多）, we need a loads of resource（resources）to support our life. For example, it is allowed by government that every family can get child more than one since 2014 in China.(普遍二胎政策不是这样翻译的哈，还是自己要多查资料) So it maybe（may）consume more resources than before. (it consume，it指代的是什么？)

Moreover, larger pollution demands greater amounts of resources to support, a phenomenon that consequently adds more man-made pressure to the natural environment. For instance, Chinese government has issued the universal two-child policy which originally aims at optimizing the demographic structure but may simultaneously bring greater demands of natural resources from the environment.

That is not to say we must damage(damage用太多了) our environment if we want to get an increase. Of course, we can raise public's green awareness or encourage low carbon lifestyle when we are working in life(when we are working in life,什么意思？). But still, it is bad for environment when we develop our industry and lifestyle. (lifestyle不能搭配develop)

However, it is not always vicious with the intention to develop national strength especially for industrialized countries. If proper measures were taken by both the nation and individuals, a great deal of waste and pollution can be avoided during the development of industries and improvement of civic life quality. For the government, certain restrictive policies on overexploitation of natural resources are beneficial to build a better environment. As for citizens, appropriate appeals to abstemious awareness as well as low-carbon lifestyle can be supplementary solutions to a brighter future.

In sum(有这个短语吗？), there are a loads of（重复用了两遍）disadvantages to environment if we want to increase the level of our life（level 不用increase）. Meanwhile, we should not ignore there are some methods to decrease the damage（damage不用decrease）.

To sum up, although disadvantages can be arisen in the process of national proceeding and individual advance, it is the cooperative endeavors of the country and the public that can prominently reduce the damage caused by economic growth.

问题小结：

1.动宾搭配问题很严重，标黄色的部分都是搭配不得当的。很多动词不能搭配这样的名词，总的

来说就是积累少了，可以自己多看下作文范例里面的短语锦集，多积累，不要自己造短语。还有就是一个动词搭配两个宾语的时候，你一定要注意第二个宾语能不能和这个动词搭配，不能的话要重新加个动词，比如你重复了两次的develop industry and level of life, level就不能和develop搭配，应该是develop industry and improve level of life.

2.很多句子，你写出来之后不知道你自己读没读一下呢，很多句子根本都读不通。However, whether

only countries use the resource in environment to increase the quality of life is a controversial issue.

这句，这个only什么意思呢？

So it maybe consume more resources than before. Maybe consume一看就不对撒

这个问题，你以后写了作文了，你自己要反复看几遍，看能不能自己找出错误来，很多显而易见的错误通过二次阅读是可以自己找出来并改正的，记住了以后才不会再犯。

3.句型单一。There be 句型和it is +adj. 用了太多次了。你可以自己尝试改一下句型。比如：This

means that there are more and more rubbishes when we are working.这句话，你的意思就是我们每天工作都很多垃圾产生，那么你先找主语，可以是人，可以是垃圾，如果是人的话，动词就用create，主语是垃圾的话就用be created by.那么这句话就可以写成，This means that a greater amount of waste will be created accompanying with this developing process. (This means that during this process, human beings create increasingly numerous waste due to their daily activities.)以后写句子的时候，避免用太多there be，可以多用有意义的实词来搭配短语，这样显得文章言之有物。

4.观点匮乏。全文重复来重复去都是几个短语, develop industry, level of life, damage environment。

雅思看中的是文章要有观点，有意义的实词短语，不是这样重复性的概况的短语。这个其实我也做的不好。因为环境问题之前考过了，我就没总结。主要还是靠自己大量阅读学术文献才能有所积累。