中美文化差异
Clinton Afraid to be Late
在快节奏的美国社会，美国人是恪守时间的，因为时间与效率紧密相连。请欣赏克林顿不敢迟到。
Early in 1994, President Clinton was once late for a meeting on national affairs. This resulted in fierce criticism by the press. Being late means you lack the ability to manage time, they pointed out; if you can't manage your own time, how can you manage the affairs of state?
In the face of this sharp criticism, Mr. Clinton was careful to attend future meetings on time. But a few months later, he was late again. Of course, it did not escape the attack of the press. Articles such as "Look at This Guy - late Again" topped the papers again.
Is this sort of relentless criticism of the president's tardiness too tough? Isn't it a little too fussy to complain about the busy president's occasional tardiness? Americans don't think so.
America is a society on a schedule. Whether it's a personal appointment or a public conference, the starting time should be exact. Those who are late are often considered lazy and inconsiderate and they lose the trust of others. In personal relationships, a friend may be lost, in business, an opportunity.
The reason why American are so concerned about time is that time is connected to efficiency. In the fast pace of America, people fill their schedules to the limit.
Nobody can patiently wait for half an hour beyond the designated time, because the next item on the timetable would be affected. Being late means losing opportunities and diminishing efficiency.
For purposes of my visit to the United States, my American friends planned my schedule as they would an American's. Sometimes, in one day there would be two meetings in the morning and two meetings in the afternoon. And these meetings were not at the same place; there were considerable distances between appointments.
After one meeting, I had to get to the next one within half an hour. Once I got there, we would exchange "hellos" and then plunge right into the topic at hand without much additional greeting. During the talk, we all looked at our watches now and then in order to determine what other subjects we would discuss in the remaining time.
When we finished, the host allowed us to leave without attempting to persuade us to stay longer. We all had other things to do.
We depended on our map to reach the next appointment location within half an hour. Fortunately, in the U. S., the street signs are very clear. The signs not only indicate the name of the street but also the range of numbers on that particular block, a real convenience for foreigners who are looking for a building. Generally, the destination can be reached within half an hour.
But one time in New York, an accident occurred on the subway; the train didn't come at all. Sonia and I were forced to take a taxi. "I hope we're not going to be late," Sonia said anxiously. As soon as we got out of the taxi, Sonia pulle
d me up the stairs in a run. In the end, we weren't late.
After I came back to China, a cultural affairs officer at the U. S. Embassy asked me what I thought of the visit. I recalled this sort of intense arrangement. Then she asked if the USIA should develop a more relaxed schedule for future visitors. I said they shouldn't. Foreigners should get the chance to experience the rapid rhythm of American life and the U. S. Concept of time - that's the real America.
克林顿不敢迟到
还是在1994年初的时候，美国总统克林顿曾经在国务会议上迟到，舆论界大哗，对总统进行了“上纲上线”的批评：迟到，说明你缺乏掌握时间的能力，如果你连自己的时间都安排不好，又何谈运筹国家大事？
面对尖锐的批语，克林顿不敢迟到了，小心谨慎如约赴会。几个月后，不晓得什么原因，他又迟到了，这自然又逃不过记者们的唇枪舌剑，于是“瞧这家伙，他又迟到了”的文章又赫然纸上。
美国公众对总统迟到的批语毫不留情，是否对总统太苛求了？总统公务繁忙，偶尔迟到一次，何必兴师问罪？美国人可不这样看。
美国是按时间运转的社会，无论是私人间的约会还是公众集会，都要明确几点几分开始，如果谁迟到了，便会被认为是懒散的不负责任的人，从而失去信任。在私人交往中迟到者失去的是朋友，在工作单位则会失去升迁的机会。
美国人恪守时间，因为时间与效率紧密相连。在快节奏的美国社会，人们的日程表都排得满满的。
没有人在约定时间到来后耐心地等上半小时, 因为等待将占用日程表下一个项目的时间。不能准时赴约，失去的是机会、是效益。
在美国访问期间，美国人按照他们的习惯为我安排了日程表，有时上午两个座谈，下午两个座谈。这些座谈并不在同一个地点，城西城东相隔甚远。
一个座谈结束后，要在半小时内赶到第二处，真是马不停蹄。每到一个地方，彼此道一声“你好”之后，立即切入正题，没有任何客套。谈话中双方都不时地看一下手表，以决定余下的时间赶快说点什么。
到点后，我们匆匆告别，主人决不挽留，因为双方都有下一个项目在等待着。
要在半小时之内赶到下一个约会地点，就要仰伏地图了。好在美国街区标志明显，路牌上不仅有街名，还有此街内门牌号的范围，为异乡人找路提供了方便，一般情况下半小时均能赶到。
但在纽约，有一次地铁出了故障，左等右等车不来，我和索妮娅赶忙上来找出租车。索妮娅心急如焚地说：“上帝保佑，可别迟到，可别迟到。”下了车索妮娅拉着我连跑带颠上了楼，总算没有迟到。
回国后，美国使馆文化处官
员问我对此行安排的看法，我提到了日程安排的紧凑，当她问我是否要为以后的访问者安排得“从容”一些时，我说不必，应该让外国人体会美国的快节奏和时间观念，因为这才是美国。
Good Order 中美文化差异之二
秩序井然是一个民族文明程度的一个重要标志。
When I rode the subway in Washington D. C., I took the escalator to go up to ground level, like I always do in Beijing. What was different was that all the people stood to the right of the escalator, which was the width of two people standing side by side, so the left side was left open.
At first, I didn't notice this and stood on the left side; Sonia corrected me at once. She pointed down the escalator and said: "Look, someone's in a real hurry!" Then I saw a young man run up along the stairs with heavy steps.
It is a commonly accepted rule - those who move more slowly should leave a path for those in a hurry. People who have urgent things to do don't have the patience to stand on the slowly moving escalator; they prefer to add their own speed to the escalators.
Standing on the right side, with people running by frequently, I thought this was a really nice rule. Think about it: without this rule, people would stand on the escalator at random. Even if the people rushing up were to cry "Excuse me" all the way, who knows how many people would be knocked over?
On the day we visited Disneyworld, Sonia and I arrived at the gate in the early morning. The parking lot was nearly empty. When Sonia parked the car, a clerk came up and asked us to park in another place and wrote something in his notebook. The parking area was so big, what difference did it make where we parked? Anyway, we listened to the clerk.
When we came out to find our car, the sun was setting. My goodness, what a sea of cars we faced! The thousands of cars parked there reflected the sun's rays, dazzling us. Where was our car?
We remembered our car was opposite a large billboard, so we set to looking near there. Twenty minutes passed, but we were unable to find the car. Just at this moment of anxiety, a patrol car came over;
learning our trouble, the driver smiled and said, "No problem." Then he asked us when we parked, took a look at his notebook and picked us up. Shortly thereafter, he stopped and said, "Your car must be in this row." He was right; we found the car.
So when the clerk asked us to park in a certain place that morning, it was in order to record the arrival time and parking spot. That was why when we told the driver our arrival time he immediately knew where our car was.
People visiting Disneyworld often have difficultly finding their cars. So Disneyworld thought of this way of recording arrival times and parking areas. When we expressed our thanks to the driver he said he should thank us because if every one could find their car easily, he would be out of a job.
Actually, order and efficiency are
not natural to the U. S. The point is that when disorder occurs, people formulate ways to bring order to disorder. Compulsion may be necessary at the beginning. However, as time passes, a common consciousness takes shape, like leaving the left side of the subway escalators clear, and there is no longer a need for management.
井然有序
Good order
我从华盛顿的地铁车站上来，乘的是在北京已是司空见惯的传送带式电梯。不同的是，在宽度仅容两人并排站下的电梯上，人们全站在右侧，左边留出了一条通道。
一开始我未加注意，站到了左侧，同行的索妮娅赶紧让我站过来，指着下面说：“瞧，急性子跑过来了。”只见一个年轻人噔噔噔地顺着台阶跑上来，直奔顶端。
原来，这里有个约定俗成的规定：步履从容的人要给快节奏者留出通道。有急事的人往往等不及缓缓移动的传送带，便不惜付出体力，将自身的速度叠加在电梯速度上。
我站在右侧，看着身边不时跑过的人，心想，这真是个不错的规矩。试想无此约定，人们随意站满了电梯，有急事的人要想跑上，即使一路高喊“劳驾”，也不知要碰倒多少人呢。
游览迪斯尼世界那天，一大早，我和索妮娅就到了门口。停车场十分空旷，索妮娅找个地方停了车。一个工作人员走过来，让我们把车停在另一个地方，并在本上记了几笔。这么大的停车场，停哪里不一样呢？不过我们还是照他的话做了。
日落时分，我们从公园出来去取车。一到停车场，了不得了，眼前是一片车海，几千辆亮闪闪的汽车卧在那里，映着夕阳的余辉，我们的眼都花了。可我们的车在哪里呢？
凭着记忆，我们的车位对着一个大标语牌，我俩便在标语牌附近寻找，一找就是２０分钟，还是没有结果，真让人心急。这时，一辆巡逻车开了过来，司机知道我们是在找车，笑了，说了句“没问题”，便问我们早晨几点到的，又在一个簿子上翻看了两页，招呼我们上了车，沿着通道开了一阵子。车停了，司机说：“你们的车就在这一排。”果然，在这排里发现了我们乘坐的白色伏特。
原来，早晨停车时工作人员一定要我们停在指定地点，是将车位与到达时间一一记录下来。所以当我们一说是什么时候来的，巡逻车的司机心里就有数了。
由于来迪斯尼公园的人们时常常找不到车，于是公园想出了安排记录和巡逻车的办法。当我们向司机道谢时，他说应该反过来谢我们，因为如果人人都能找到车，他就该失业了。
其实，秩序与效率在美国也并非天生的。问题是出现了无序后，人们会想办法使之有序。开始时需要倡导和强制命令，久而久之，便成
为人们的共识，就像乘坐电梯留出半边“紧急通道”一样，已是无须人来管理了。
Walls 中美文化差异之三
David J. Fire stein
《墙》文字很短，但却意味深长，让人耳目一新，久久不忘。David说，美国的大学没有围墙。文化向外伸展着，而不是将知识封闭起来。绿色的草坪将大学校园和社区连接了起来。那是所有渴求知识的人们的共同家园。《墙》令人想到很多，它不仅仅是建筑风格或是教育方式的不同，而且是一种观念，一种沟通的愿望。
Having spent some two and a half years in China over several visits, I don't remember ever going through a phase we in the United States refer to as "culture shock." This period of difficulty in adjusting to a new culture would probably have set in during my semester at Peking University, my first extended period away from the United States. It did not.
Of course, this is not to say that I didn't notice any differences between the American and Chinese cultures upon my arrival at Peking University. I certainly did notice the differences. Looking back, I remember one of the first differences I noticed: Chinese universities were surrounded by walls.
To an American, this is one of the most striking aspects of a Chinese university and one which immediately sets it apart from an American campus. Having grown up in the United States, I had never seen a university surrounded by high, cement walls. My idea of a university, based on having seen scores of them in different states of the U.S , was that it was a place of life and learning, an integral part of the community in which it was located, open not only to the students of the school itself, but fully accessible also to students from other schools and to the broader public.
My idea of a university was that it was a center of cultural life, a resource for the entire 树community. In all my twenty-one year, it had never occurred to me that a school would have a wall around it. Walls enclose and separate; schools expand and integrate. The very ideas seemed fundamentally incompatible. I asked a Chinese friend if all Chinese universities had walls around them.” You know, I've never really thought about it; I guess so. I guess all Chinese schools have walls around them, primary, middle and secondary schools, too---not just universities." "Why?" I asked. "What's the point?" "I don't know. To protect us, I suppose." "From whom?" "It's not really something I've thought about. I don't know. Don't you have walls around your schools in the United States?" I thought carefully before answering. "No, I've never seen or heard of a university encircled by a wall". My Chinese friend seemed puzzled. Walls around schools came to strike me as more than just an architectural difference between the United States and China; the walls bespoke a fundamentally different view toward the very concept of education
. As China continues to open up to the outside world, these walls seem increasingly out of place.
高墙
过去几次访问，使我在中国度过了约两年半时光，我不记得曾经有过美国人所说的"文化震惊"。适应一种新文化的困难时期按理说该是我在北京大学上学的那个学期，那是我离开美国的第一个比较长的一段时间，但是并没有什么震惊。
当然，这并不是说，在我到了北大后，我没有注意到任何中美文化的差别。我的确注意到了一些差别。
回首往事，我记得我所注意到的一个差别就是：中国的大学被墙围着。
在一个美国人看来，这是中国大学最显著的一面，能立刻将其与美国大学校园区分开来的一个特征。我在美国长大，从没见过被高高的水泥墙围着的校园。在我的心目中，大学是学习和生活的地方，也是当地社区的一个组成部分，不仅对在校学生是开放的，也对其他学校的学生及全社会开放，这一概念，来源于我在美国不同的州所见到的情况。
大学是文化生活的中心，是全地区文明的摇篮，在我21年的生活中，我从未见过有围墙围着的学校。围墙的作用是封闭和隔离，然而，学校的宗旨则是要扩展学生的知识，扩展学生对外面世界的了解，这两个概念是根本不相容的。
我曾问一个中国朋友，是否所有的中国大学都有围墙？"我想是的，可我从没细想过这个问题，恐怕不只是大学，中学、小学都有围墙。"
"为什么要有？"
"说不清楚，我想是为了保护学生。"
"谁会伤害学生？"
"其实也不一定真会怎么样，难道你们的大学没有围墙吗？"
回答之前，我认真想了想："没有，我没见过也没听说过美国的大学有围墙"。我的中国朋友似乎有点儿不解。 校园的围墙使我陷入思考，它不仅仅是中美校园建筑风格的不同 ，也体现了不同的教育观念。在中国对外开放的进程中，围墙似乎显得越来越没有用
了。
Footprints Only 只留下脚印 中美文化差异之四
在美国,每当大型活动结束时,人去街空，留下的只有
脚印。而在中国大家一定见过是什么样场面......
Protecting the environment is a basic public consciousness in the U.S. Street cleaner’s benefit from this consciousness; often, they needn't clean up the "battle field" after a big assembly.
I was in Washington D.C. over Independence Day and thousands of people went to see the parade in the early morning.
That day must have been one of the hottest I experienced in Washington. Street vendors were doing a brisk business in drink sales. Almost everyone held a bottle of Coke or some ice cream.
After the parade ended and people left, I couldn't find any empty c
ans or wrappers. People left only their footprints.
In Washington, aside from the buildings and roads, almost every inch of land is covered with lush lawn. You can step on the lawns, too.
There are even signs which say: "You are welcome to sit here." So people do lots of things on the lawns, such as walking, playing ball, holding parties, and so forth.
These lawns have become important places in the daily lives of Americans. Even though you can run, jump, sit, lie or even roll on the grass, however, you can't pollute it with litter.
What would happen if someone were to dispose litter in a public place? "It would stir public anger and denouncement," Sonia said. "People would look at you strangely as if you were an alien from outer space.
At the same time, someone would quietly pick it up for you." Who wouldn't be embarrassed by such a scene?
只留下脚印
蓝色海岸线
保护环境是美国基本的公民意识。得益于这种意识，美国的清洁工人用不着大型集会后清理“战场”。
我在华盛顿时正逢美国国庆日，上午，成千上万的人涌上街头观看游行队伍。那天恐怕是华盛顿最热的日子，路边冷饮摊车的生意红火得很，大人孩子几乎人手一瓶可乐或冰激淋。当游行结束人们散去，地面上却见不到空可乐罐或纸包装。它们的归宿是路边的垃圾箱。那些一时没有找到垃圾箱的人，就一直将空盒捏在手里。人去街空，留下的只有脚印。
华盛顿的草坪极多，除了道路和建筑物，几乎都被草坪覆盖着。草坪不怕人们“践踏”，有的甚至还立起“欢迎你与青草同坐”的牌子。因此，人们的户外活动，散步、打球、聚会……都在草坪上进行，它已成为人们生活中的一个重要场所。不过，尽管你可以在草坪上跑啊，跳啊，坐着，躺着，乃至打滚，却不可以用废弃物污染它。
如果有人在公共场所公然乱扔废物，会怎样呢？索妮娅说会引起公愤，招来谴责。人们会用奇怪的目光看着你，仿佛你是个天外来客，而且会有人默默地替你拾起。如果置身于那场景，谁能不感到尴尬呢？
Compliments and Praise 中美文化差异之五
听到别人祝贺和赞扬时，美国人和中国人的回答有些不同：
美国人一般表示接受赞扬，中国人则一般表示受之有愧。
There are some differences in replying to compliments between Chinese and American: Americans tend to accept the compliment while Chinese generally murmur some reply about
not being worthy of the praise. Here a few more words might be said about this difference. Consider the following examples:
A young Chinese woman in the U.S. was complimented for the lovely dress that she was wearing. "It's exquisite. The colors are so beautiful!" She was pleased but somewhat embarrassed. In typical Chinese fashion, she
replied, "Oh, it’s just an ordinary dress that I bought in China."
At a reception in an American college, a newly arrived Chinese scholar was chatting with the hostess, who was an old friend. As an acquaintance of hers came up she said, "Ron, let me introduce Mr. Chen, an outstanding physicist and one of the nicest people I know." Mr. Chen offered his hand to the newcomer but looked at his hostess and said with a smile, "Should I blush, or should I tell him you don' t really mean it?"
In both cases, the words of the Chinese conveyed a message quite different from what was intended. In the case of the Chinese woman, the reply could have meant that the one paying the compliment did not know what a really good dress is; otherwise, how could she get so excited about an ordinary dress? The implication was that the American woman’s taste in clothing was questionable. In the second case, if Chen had not been smiling, his words could have been interpreted as meaning "You’re just saying that to be polite; you don’t really mean that." So in one case, the person had poor judgment. In the other, the latter case, the hostess was not sincere. Quite a gap between intention and message!
祝贺和赞扬
听到别人赞扬，美国人和中国人的回答有些不同：美国人一般表示接受赞扬，中国人则一般表示受之有愧。关于这种差别，可以再多谈几句。请看下面几个例子：
一位中国青年妇女在美国，身上穿着一件漂亮的服装。当别人对她说“你这件衣服真雅致，颜色美极了”。这位中国青年妇女很高兴，但有些不好意思，就按中国习惯回答说：“这是件普通的衣服，我在中国国内买的”。
一位中国学者刚到美国，到一所大学去参加招待会。女主人是他的老朋友。两个人正在谈话，女主人的一个熟人走过来。她对那个人说：“罗恩，我来介绍一下，这位是陈先生，他是杰出的物理学家，是一位很了不起的人。”陈先生同刚走过来的人握手，看看女主人，笑着说：叫我脸红呢，还是跟他说您只是开个玩笑呢？”
在这两个例子里，两位中国人的回答都可能被人误解。别人也许以为青年妇女的回答是说对方不识货，对一件普通衣服如此大惊小怪，可见美国妇女鉴赏能力有问题。那位姓陈的物理学家的回答，如果不是带着笑，别人可以认为他的意思是：“你这么说，不过是表示客气，不是真心话。”第一例中说对方鉴别能力差，第二例中说女主人言不由衷。二者都有责备赞扬者的意味，说话人的意图和所传达的信息之间有很大差距。
Greeting 中美文化差异之六
中国人见面打招呼时，喜欢问“你吃了吗？”“你去哪呀？”
而西方人对此都感到很怪异。
An American studying in China had an appointment at noon. As he w
as getting on his bicycle a Chinese friend passed by. "吃了吗？”The young Chinese asked. This, of course, is a common Chinese greeting around meal time and the American merely nodded with a smile, waved goodbye and went off. He realized that his friend’s remark was nothing more than a Chinese way of saying hello or Hi. If the greeting had been put literally into English "Have you eaten yet?" Or “Have you had your lunch? " It would have sounded rather unusual. To Americans, this greeting might mean this: "I haven't either. Come on, let’s go together and get something to eat." or "If you haven’t, I was just going to invite you to my place." In other words, it could indicate an invitation to a meal.
Actually , another foreign student who had not been long in China once complained in broken Chinese 你们为什么老问我吃了饭没有？我有钱。To his way of thinking, people were concerned that he was not getting his meals properly because of lack of money. Clearly, he was offended. There is a similar Chinese greeting, such as ＂上哪儿去啊？＂＂到哪儿去啦？＂ Which if translated literally, would be "Where are yon going?" Or "Where have you been?" The natural reaction of most English-speaking people to this greeting would most likely be "It’s none of your business!"
Fortunately, not all greetings sound strange or arouse displeasure. Many are similar, some are merely different. While greetings in many languages often indicate the time of day, there may be inconsistencies within a language. English has Good morning, Good afternoon and Good evening but not Good noon. And Good night is not a greeting at all, but an expression of farewell.
greeting 打招呼
一天中午，一个在中国学习的美国留学生有个约会。他刚要骑上自行车，一位中国朋友从旁边走过，问他：“吃了吗？”这是中国人在吃饭前后打招呼的常用语。美国留学生笑着点点头，挥挥手表示告别，就走了。他知道，中国朋友的话等于英语中的Hello或Hi，但如果照字面译成Have you eaten yet？或Have you had your lunch？外国人听起来就很怪。美国人会以为，这种打招呼似乎是说：“我也没有吃。走吧，我们一起去吃点东西吧。”或者说：“如果没有吃的话，我正要请你到我家去呢。”；总之，这样打招呼有时意味着邀请对方去吃饭 。
发生过这样的事。有一次，一个刚到中国不久的外国留学生结结巴巴地用汉语说：“你们为什么老问我吃了饭没有？我有钱。”他以为人们总问他“吃饭了吗”是因为怕他没钱吃饭。他显然对这种问法感到生气。 再如，汉语中的“上哪儿去啊？”和“到哪儿去啦？”这样打招呼的话直译成英语就是Where are you going？和Where have you been？用这两句英语来打招呼，大部分讲英语的人听了会不高兴，他们的反应很
可能是：It' s none of your business! 你管得着吗！
幸而，打招呼的话并不都令人感到奇怪或者引起对方反感。有许多打招呼的话是相似的，有些只是说法不同。在许多语言里，打招呼的话往往是相似的，有些只是说法不同。在许多语言里，打招呼的话往往与时间有关，但即使在一种语言中也有不一致的地方。英语中有Good morning, Good afternoon, Good evening 都相当于汉语中的“您好”，只是说的时间不同而已，但不说Good noon。而 Good night （晚安；明天见；再会）根本不是打招呼的话，这只是告别时说的话。
Where Should I Sit 中美文化差异之七
在美国“打的”,如果你坐副座，司机会一路与你谈笑风生；
你若坐在了后面,司机便板着脸一言不发。要知究竟何故，请
读 “坐在哪儿？”
When you take a taxi in the United States, if you sit up in the front seat, the driver will be pleased and talk with you all the way; if you sit in the back seat, though, the driver may be unhappy and reluctant to speak, he is unlikely to say much.
At first, I thought this was owing to differences in the characters of the drivers. Later, after I'd had some more experiences with taxis, I discovered that it was a more general phenomenon. Only when I arrived in San Francisco, did I find out the reason.
Sonia lives in San Francisco. One day, Sonia and I went out together. Sonia drove the car while her husband, Ji An, sat by her side; I sat behind Ji An. After a while, Ji An got out of the car and suggested that I sit where he had been sitting. The destination wasn't that far away, so I told him I'd just as soon stay where I was. But Ji An insisted. So I had to move, wondering what all the fuss was about.
"Do you know why Ji An asked you to sit here?" Sonia asked me. I shook my head. "If you sit in the front, it means you and I are friends; if you sit in the back, it's as if I'm just your driver and our relationship is one of employer to employee.
“With those words, I understood at once. No wonder then that taxi drivers were so pleased when I sat in the front. At face value, the only issue was where one sat. As a matter of fact, though, where one sat also reflected the degree of one's respect for the driver.
Although it is true that the relationship between driver and passenger is a business relationship - or in other words, a money relationship - people still place an emphasis on the respect and friendship beyond the monetary transaction.
One day in New York. Sonia and I once took a taxi to go out. In the car, we both sat in the back seat. Speaking in Chinese, Sonia introduced New York's social background to me. As we were talking animatedly, the driver suddenly interrupted us, "There is a law here stipulating that if you do not speak English in this taxi, you will be fined $ 200." I was very surprised.
Sonia immediately asked hi
m, "How come I haven't ever heard of that law before? I'm going to check this law in court." The driver laughed, "I'm only kidding. I just feel frustrated that I can't understand what you're saying.
“As we got out of the taxi, Sonia said, "Our sitting behind made him feel like he was employed by us; on top of that, he couldn't understand what we were saying. So naturally, he wasn't very happy. I wouldn't put it past him to try to trick us. But I'd rather believe he was really was just kidding. Anyway, he wasn't too pleased with both of us sitting in the back."
坐哪儿好
在美国“打的”，如果你坐前边，司机会高兴得很，一路与你谈笑风生；你若坐在了后面, 司机便板着脸一言不发，即使你主动搭话，人家也爱搭不理的。
一开始我以为是司机秉性不同所致，“打的”次数多了，竟然发觉是共性。这其中的奥秘，到了旧金山方才揭晓。
索妮娅家住旧金山，一日，我与索妮娅夫妇同出，索妮娅开车，其夫纪安和她并排坐在前面，我坐在后面。不一会，他走下车，让我坐到前面。我说离目的地不远了，不用换了，就坐后面吧。不想纪安执意要我坐到前面，我只好从命。但心里觉得纪安太多事。
“你知道纪安为什么要你坐前面？”索妮娅问我，我摇摇头，“你坐前面，表明咱俩是朋友；你若坐在后面，我便成了为你服务的司机，咱俩就是雇佣关系了。”
一句话使我茅塞顿开，怪不得“打的”时坐前面能让司机那么高兴，看上去只是个座位问题，但去体现了人与人之间的尊重。
说起来司机与客人的确是雇佣关系，说得更明了些，是金钱关系,但是人们还寻求金钱关系之外的尊重与友谊。
在纽约的一天，我和索妮娅“打的”，二人一起坐到了后排，索妮娅用汉语向我介绍纽约社会背景。当我俩正谈得热闹时，司机突然插了一句：“我们这里有条法律，坐车不讲英语的人罚款２００美元。”我一听怔了。
索妮娅马上反问：“我怎么没听说过？我要去法院核实。”司机立刻笑了：“开个玩笑而已，我不过是闷得慌，又听不懂你们的话”。
下车后索妮娅说，“我们坐在后面，他有受雇于人之感，再加上听不懂我们的话，心中自然不痛快，想个招儿讹一下也未尝不可能，不过我还是相信他开玩笑的可能性大。不管怎么说，我俩都坐后面，他是不太高兴的。”
Dial Tone 中美文化差异之八
你会用英语打电话、接电话吗？你知道用英语打电话
的一些基本礼仪吗？请读本文。
Given the breathtaking speed with which telephones have begun to permeate every pocket of Chinese society, it is a little surprising that a good number of people have yet to learn even a modicum of tele
phone etiquette.
Strangely, it's as if the normal courtesies which one would extend to another in face to face conversation do not apply in telephonic conversation.
To begin with, a caller is often greeted with a blunt "Who are you?" a response which many feel is much too direct. On occasion, the receiver of the telephone call expresses unwillingness to reveal the information the caller seeks.
Such as whether, say, Mr. Zhang is available to take the call - until the caller states his or her identity and institutional affiliation. A more polite approach might be to offer the desired information, following with a gentle inquiry such as "… and who may I say is calling?"
An excessive concern for privacy undermines the very function of the telephone; if someone doesn't even want to tell a caller whether a person is available to take the call or not, why have a phone in the first place?
The person one is calling is sometimes unavailable. Frequently, the person who received the call returns to the phone only to state, "He's not here, "or "She's not here, call again after a while" and then, without waiting for a response, immediately hangs up.
Ending the conversation so abruptly and unilaterally - that is, without giving the caller the opportunity to acknowledge the information which has been conveyed - is considered by many to be very rude. A much more genial way of handling the same situation would be to go the step further and inform the caller when the person might return and ask "May I take your name and phone number or leave a message?"
The caller would no doubt appreciate this response and may choose to leave a message, or may decide to try again later. In any event, both parties would be likely to come away from the call with a sense that it ended pleasantly.
Without a doubt, the increasing prevalence of telephones in China is a very positive development, one which will contribute greatly to the country's continued economic growth. Matters used to require considerable time and effort to resolve may now be handled with a telephone call or two.
This is all the more reason for telephone users to begin extending to callers the same basic courtesies ---already an important part of our lives. Why not make them a more pleasant part?
话说电话礼仪
打电话
中国的电话业有了惊人的发展，电话已渗透到了中国社会的各个角落，但令人有点吃惊的是，不少人还没有学会哪怕是起码的电话礼仪。很奇怪，在面对面谈话时彼此间似乎是很普通的礼貌却未能用在电话交谈中。
打电话开始时，打电话的人常常听到一声直愣愣的问话："你是谁呀？"这使很多人感到太直了。有时候，接电话的人不愿意说出打电话的人想要得到的信息 ――比如说张先生是否可以接电话――直到发话人说出他（她）的身份和单位才肯告诉。而比较有礼貌的方式应是提供对方所
要得到的信息，继而是文雅的问话，如："我可以知道你的姓名吧？"对于隐私的过分关注破坏着电话的作用，如果谁连某人在不在都不想告诉打电话的人，那当初何必安电话呢？
有时候要找的人不在，接电话的人常常是只说一句"他不在"或者"她不在，过会儿再打！"不等发话人这边说什么，立刻就挂上了电话。这样突然而且是单方面地结束了对话――即没有给发话人机会来对所转达的信息表示听到了――很多人认为这是很粗鲁的。而处理相同事情温和得多的方式则是进一步告诉打电话的人要找的人什么时候回来，并且问："你可以留下姓名和电话号码吗？有什么事我可以转告吗？"打电话的人肯定会感谢这种答复，也许会留下口信，或者决定过会儿再打。不管怎么说，双方都愿意怀着愉快的心情结束电话。
毫无疑问，在中国越来越流行的电话是一项积极的发展，并将对国家持续的经济发展做出巨大贡献。过去常常花费很多时间和精力来解决的事情现在可以用一两个电话就解决了。因此就更加需要电话的使用者开始用对待家里的客人的相同的基本礼貌来对待打电话的人。电话已成为我们生活中重要的一部分，为什么不让它们成为更愉快的一部分呢？
Sorry First 中美文化差异之九
金无足赤，人无完人，每个人都会犯错。及时有效地表
达一份真诚的道歉是至关重要的，它不仅可以向他人显示你
用英语道歉的水平而且可以表达你优雅的风度。向他人表达
你的体贴是人与人之间良好沟通的一个重要部份。
There is one word that is on the lips of Americans, day and night: "Sorry".
One time as I was walking on the street, a young man ran by hurriedly, brushing against my handbag. Even as he continued on his way, he turned back and said "sorry" to me. Even in a rush, he didn't forget to apologize.
One day, after I bought a mango, the salesman was giving me the change, but I wasn't ready for it and a coin dropped to the ground. "I'm sorry," he said while bending down to pick it up. I was puzzled - why would he apologize when it was my fault?
Another time, I stepped on a man's foot in an escalator. At the same time, we both said "sorry." I thought it interesting: was it really necessary for him to apologize?
Later on, an American friend explained to me that according to the American mentality, the escalator is a public place, and everyone should be able to stand in it. After someone occupies a position in the elevator, making it difficult for someone else to find a place to stand, isn't it necessary to express an apology?
If you go to the movies and the tickets happen to be sold out, the ticket seller will say: "Sorry, the tickets are sold out."
Whenever one of your hopes goes unfulfilled, an Amer
ican will say "sorry," as a sign of sympathy.
During my stay in America, I often came across situations in which I was supposed to say "sorry." Gradually, I realized that when friction occurs in daily life, Americans don't care much about who is responsible; if someone important and she is very busy, the secretary will say: "sorry."
If someone is troubled, a "sorry" is always necessary. When this happens, even if the other person is hurt, the "sorry" cools tempers - and human generosity is displayed. Perhaps this is why I never saw anyone quarreling on the buses, subways or streets of America.
"Sorry"先行
有一个词，从早到晚挂在美国人的嘴边上，那就Sorry（对不起）。
有一次走在街上，一个有急事的年轻人匆匆跑过，碰了我的提包，他边跑边回过头来冲我喊sorry，匆忙中他也没忘记表示歉意。
一次我买芒果，小贩把零钱找给我，我没接好，一个硬币掉落到地上。I'm sorry.小贩边说边弯腰拣起硬币递给我。我觉得挺不可思议，明明是我自己手脚不利索，他为什么要道歉？
有一次，我乘电梯时不小心踩了一位先生的脚，我赶忙说了一声sorry，可同时，从那位先生的口中也冒出了这个词。我不禁暗自发笑：你有什么必要 sorry呢？事后一个美国朋友解释，按照美国人思维方式，电梯间是公共场所，谁都有权站在那儿。由于自己首先占据一块地方，别人才没有足够的地方站稳当，难道不该表示sorry吗？
到电影院去买票，赶上没票，售票员便会说：“对不起，票卖完了”。 凡是你的愿望得不到满足，美国人便会说声对不起，表示他们对此也感到遗憾,使你感受到同情之心。
在美期间，我常常遇到这类本应该由我说对不起的事情，渐渐地我悟出了其中原委：当生活出现小摩擦时，美国人并不去考虑是谁的责任，只要是给对方带来了不便，都要说一声sorry。
这样一来，即使有一方受点伤害，在人家的sorry声中心境也会平和下来。而没受伤害的一方则体会到人与人之间的友善，这恐怕也是我从未在美国的公共汽车、地铁、街道上看到有人吵架的原因吧
Clear as Mud 中美文化差异之十
在中西方人进行交际时, 最令西方人头痛不是语言障碍,
而是东方人说话时的含含糊糊、转弯抹角......
One of the things I have enjoyed most about working in China is using the Chinese language on a daily basis. I have studied Chinese formally for about five years; I have used it regularly in research or work for another four.
Over the years, I have come to appreciate how wonderfully rich a language Chinese can be when it comes to obscuring communication. This is a conversation I have had many times in China:
"Hello, Mr. Wang? How are you? I was just calling to check abo
ut that project we were working on. How is it coming along?"
"Hi, David. I've been meaning to call you but I haven't been able to get in touch. Basically, the project seems to be going all right. I don't expect any real problems."
"What do you mean? Might there be some difficulties?"
"Well, it's hard to say. I think in principle, there's no problem. But sometimes, it's really hard to tell."
"If there is a problem of some sort, just let me know; I'll be happy to help resolve it."
"What can I say? This kind of project requires a process. Let's take it a step at a time."
"I guess so. Do you think it will work out?"
"Probably. In any event, I want to check into this in the next couple of days. Later on, I'll get back in touch with you."
"Why do you suppose this is taking such a long time, Mr. Wang?”
"It's a long story. I can't really go into it now. How about this: why don't I check it out and give you a call back?"
"Okay, when should I expect to hear from you then?"
"I think I'll need a little time to investigate this. Let's talk again after a while. How does that sound?"
"What do you think are the chances this project will fall through?"
"I'm just not sure."
"Well, Mr. Wang thanks so much for your time. I appreciate your letting me know where we stand on the project. I look forward to talking to you again."
After exchanges like this one, it would occur to me that I'd talked with my counterpart for ten or fifteen minutes and yet I knew no more than I did before the call.
模糊话
社交
我在中国工作，最喜欢的事情之一是日常工作中使用汉语。我正式学汉语已有５年，经常地将它用于研究或工作又是４年。这些年里，我发现在阻碍交流时，汉语是一种多么令人惊奇的、丰富的语言。下面的对话便是我在中国多次经历过的。
“喂，是王先生吧，你好，我打电话是想问问，我们正在进行的项目进展得如何了？”
“大为，我一直想给你打电话，可总没联系上。基本上，这个项目好像还可以，我估计应该没有什么太大的问题。”
“什么意思呢？会有什么困难吗？”
“唉，这很难说，原则上我认为没有问题，可有时这种事真的不好说。”
“如果有什么问题就告诉我，我会很乐于帮忙解决。”
“怎么说呢？这种事需要一个过程，让我们慢慢来吧。”
“我想也是，你认为能做成吗？”
“差不多。不管怎么样，我想这两天我还是打听一下情况，到时候我再跟你联系吧。”
“王先生，你为什么认为需要这么长的时间呢？”
“一言难尽，现在跟你说不是很方便，要不然，这么着，我进一步了解一下情况，然后我们再通电话。”
“好吧，那么什么时
候听你的电话？”
“我想我得需要点时间去研究，过一阵子再说吧。你说怎么样？”
“你认为这个项目失败的可能性有多大？”
“我实在不太清楚。”
“好吧，王先生，非常感谢你花了这么长时间，谢谢你告诉我这个项目的进展，我希望能和你再次交谈。” 在经过这类的交谈后，我就会想到，虽说我与对方谈了１０分钟或１５分钟,我并没有比打电话前多知道点什么。
Parents and Kids 中美文化差异之十一
在美国，父母总是鼓励子女最大限度地发挥他们的
潜能，并常常鼓励孩子参与学校各种各样的课外活动。
中国的家长是否能从文章中获得启示呢？
In the spring of 1995, I spoke about China to a group of over eighty American second grade students in the U.S. The children were curious about so many things: the Great Wall, pandas, and martial arts. More than any other subject, however, these young people were interested in the relationship between Chinese children and their parents.
As I described how Chinese parents raise their children, drawing on the experiences of my friends and their kids, it occurred to me that parents in the United States and China differ markedly in their approach to parenting.
In the United States, parents tend to encourage their children to develop their potential to the fullest extent --- in a word, to dream. Fathers and mothers frequently instill in their children both ambition and, as importantly, the confidence necessary to work toward their goals.
American parents tend to be very positive: they concentrate on what their kids can do, not what they can't. As a result, millions of American boys and girls grow up hoping to become actors and athletes, diplomats and doctors; many even want to become president.
American parents often encourage their children to become involved in extracurricular activities of all types at school, such as student government, sports and music. They believe that only through involvement in these activities can their children become mature young adults.
Schoolwork is important, to be sure. But parents realize that the social skills their children learn from natural interaction with their peers in non-scholastic settings more closely approximate the skills they will need in the "real world". What's more important in the office place: a sound knowledge of physics or the ability to communicate effectively?
As a rule, Chinese parents do not foster the same kind of ambition and confidence Americans instill in their children, nor do they encourage the same level of participation in extracurricular activities. Children are typically admonished to study hard and pass exams. Too often, time away from schoolbooks is seen as time wasted.
This approach has created so much pressure for Chinese children that leaders in Chinese educational circles have
issued calls for less homework at the lower grade levels. Only healthy kids can become healthy adults.
More and more, Chinese parents recognize this. I am very confident about China's future.
同是父母心
1995年春天，我和八十多位美国二年级小学生谈起中国，这些年轻人对许多事都很感兴趣，如：长城、熊猫、武术。然而，更多的人对中国孩子和父母的关系有深厚兴趣，当我向他们描述中国的父母怎样教育孩子时（这是从我的朋友与他们的子女身上得出的经验），我发现美国的父母和中国的父母明显不同。
在美国，父母总是鼓励子女最大限度地发挥他们的潜能――简而言之，去“梦想”。爸爸妈妈们时常向孩子灌输即要有雄心又要有信心，这二者是朝着自己的目标努力工作所必须的，是极其重要的。美国父母倾向于积极地看待子女：他们关心的是孩子能做什么，而不是他们不能做什么。这种教育的结果是，成千上万的美国孩子怀着当演员、运动员、外交官、医生、甚至是当总统的希望长大成人。
美国父母常常鼓励孩子参与学校各种各样的课外活动，诸如学生会、体育活动和音乐活动。他们认为孩子们只有通过参与这类活动才能成熟起来。校内的活动固然是很重要，但是父母意识到，在校外环境中孩子们从与他们伙伴的自然交往中学到的社交能力会更接近“现实世界”所需要的能力。那么在办公室，究竟哪个更重要：是正确的物理知识还是出色的社交能力？
一般而言，中国父母既不会像美国父母那样向子女灌输雄心和信心，也不会那么积极地鼓励子女参加课外活动。孩子们往往被告知要用功学习，考好成绩，只要离开了书本就会被看作浪费时间，这给中国孩子造成了巨大压力，以致于中国教育界人士发出呼吁，要减少低年级孩子家庭作业负担。因为只有健康的儿童才能成长为健康的公民。
越来越多的中国家长认识到这点。我对中国的未来充满了信心。
Privacy 中美文化差异之十二
中国人和西方人对隐私的理解有很大的差别：西方
人认为凡是属于我自己的与他人无关的事，别人就无权
过问，如果谁蓄意打听并传播，便是侵犯了隐私权。而
中国人却往往把隐私狭义地理解为有悖伦理的桃色新闻
等。
"Privacy" is translated as "yin si" in Chinese. Traditionally, in the Chinese mind, "yin si" is associated with that which is closed or unfair.
If someone is said to have "yin si," meddlers will be attracted to pry into his or her affairs. So people always state that they don't have "yin si."
On the contrary, Americans often declare their intention to protect thei
r privacy. Their understanding of privacy is that others have no right to pry into things which belong to themselves alone and have nothing to do with others.
One who is too nosy and who spreads rumors is said to violate the right to privacy.
In the evening, Sonia and I went to a bar for dinner. In China, when people mention bars, debauchery usually comes to mind. But here, the bar was a quiet and tastefully laid out place.
People spoke quite softly, afraid of interrupting their neighbors, and sat face to face as they drank, sometimes three or five persons sitting together.
This sort of atmosphere was totally different from my preconception, so I wanted to take a picture. Sonia stopped me: "Don't you see these people are pouring out their hearts? Maybe they are colleagues, friends, and secret lovers.
They came here looking for a peaceful place free from interruption by others. They wouldn't want to leave any trace of their having come here. So taking their pictures would be a serious violation of their right to privacy."
Is there privacy between husband and wife? One of Sonia's friends married a talented Chinese man, but recently she became so angry that she wanted a divorce.
The reason was that her husband had opened one of her letters and looked through her purse. The husband didn't realize that this is not tolerated in the U.S.
He thought being a couple was like being one person; why couldn't he see the letter or the contents of the purse? Truly, everyone, even those living as a couple, needs room - not only in three-dimensional space, but in the heart.
隐私意识
英语中的"privacy"在中文里被译成"隐私"。在人们的习惯观念中，隐私似乎与不光明正大联系在一起。如果说谁有了隐私，便会招来好事者去打探，于是人们常常表白：我没有隐私。 美国人则公然宣扬要保护自己的privacy,他们对该词的理解是：凡是属于我自己的与他人无关的事，别人就无权过问，如果谁蓄意打听并传播，便是侵犯了隐私权。
晚上，我和索妮娅到一间酒吧用晚餐。过去，一提酒吧二字，总与灯红酒绿的色情业联系在一起，美国的酒吧却是安静幽雅的地方，人们无论是两两对酌，还是三五共桌，都是细声慢语，唯恐惊扰邻座。既然与我们传统观念相悖，便想拍一张照片，却遭到索妮娅阻拦：君不见人们边叙边饮，一倾衷肠，他们可能是同事、朋友、恋人，说不定也有婚外恋，他们来到这里就是想找一个不受他人干扰的"静"土共度一段时光，但决不希望留下什么。如果对着他们拍照，那就是对隐私的极大冒犯。夫妻间还有没有隐私？索妮娅的一个朋友嫁了一位很有才气的中国郎君，最近却怒火中烧，原来是丈夫拆看她的信件，翻找她的提包，这在美国的夫妻关系中是决不能容忍的。但是丈夫却浑然不觉：
既然是夫妻了，彼此不是像一个人一样? 有什么不能看的？其实，每个人都需要一块自己的天地，不仅在三维空间上，也在心灵中，即使是朝久相处的家庭成员之间。
Study of Politeness in Chinese and English Culture 中美文化差异之十三
礼貌具有明显的文化特征。中国式礼貌的最大特点是"夫礼
者，自卑而尊人"。现在这个礼貌准则中"卑"的成分逐渐被"自
贬"和"自谦"取代。那么西方人的礼貌特点是怎么体现的呢？
请读下文。
What is politeness? This sounds like a simple question. In daily life, we often make judgments about what is polite and what is not polite. For example, to offer your seat to the elderly on a bus is considered polite behavior, and to interrupt when someone is talking is considered impolite; to greet someone the first time you meet him in the morning is polite and to stand up to reach for the dish you want at a dinner table is impolite. So politeness can first of all be conceived as a phenomenon, an observable social phenomenon.
What I would like to propose is that as an observable social phenomenon politeness is something superficial but to account for what is perceived at the surface we should delve into the depth where different cultural values are rooted.
When being complimented, an English-speaking person would readily accept the compliment by saying something like “Thank you" to show his appreciation of the praise, but a Chinese speaker would try to deny the truth of the compliment. They both think they are behaving properly. Yet neither of them would think the other is being polite. The English speaker is being polite to the extent that by accepting and showing appreciation of the compliment, he avoids hurting the positive face of the person who makes it; the Chinese speaker is showing modesty by denigrating himself, ignoring the factuality of the compliment paid to him. As has been mentioned, self-denigration has been at the core of the Chinese notion of politeness for over two thousand years, the Chinese in order to show modesty will go to such lengths as to underrate what he himself has achieved and deny the truth of a complimentary remark.
在礼貌方面对汉语和英语文化的研究
礼貌
什么是礼貌? 这似乎是一个简单的问题。在日常生活中，我们常常对什么是礼貌的，什么是不礼貌的做出判断。比如，在公共汽车上主动给老年人让座被认为是礼貌的行为而打断别人的谈话被认为是不礼貌的行为；在早晨遇到朋友打招呼被认为是礼貌行为而在餐桌上站起来夹自己想要的菜被认为是不礼貌的行为。因此，礼貌首先应是一种现象，一种可见的社会现象。
我想提出的是礼貌作为一种可见的社会现象仅是表面的，而要理解表面
的现象则需探究扎根于不同文化中深层的内涵。
对于一个讲英语的人来说，当受到表扬时，他会欣然地接受并且说些"谢谢"之类的话表示感谢；但对一个说汉语的人来说，他会极力贬低自己。他们都认为自己很谦虚并表现的得体。然而，他们都会认为对方是不懂礼貌的。讲英语的人在接受和感谢别人的赞美时，会避免伤害说话人的脸面；中国人表现谦虚则是不顾事实真相贬低自己。正如所提到的，自贬是两千年来中国人表现礼貌的观念，中国人为了表现谦虚会极力地贬低自我所取得的成就并否认别人赞美的真相。
Chinese Virtue 中美文化差异之十四
中国人在听到赞美之词时,往往是否定对方的赞美
之词,贬低自己一番,以示自谦。西方人在这种情况下往
往因他们的话被直言否决而感到中国人不讲礼貌。
I have always found the Chinese to be a very gracious people. In particular, Chinese frequently compliment foreign friends on their language skills, knowledge of Chinese culture, professional accomplishments, and personal health. Curiously, however, Chinese are as loathe accepting a compliment as they are eager to give one. As many of my Chinese friends have explained, this is a manifestation of the Chinese virtue of modesty.
I have noticed a difference, though, in the degree to which modesty is emphasized in the United States and China. In the U.S., we tend to place more emphasis on "seeking the truth from facts;" thus, Americans tend to accept a compliment with gratitude. Chinese, on the other hand, tend to reject the compliment, even when they know they deserve the credit or recognition which has been awarded them. I can imagine a Chinese basketball fan meeting Michael Jordan of the Chicago Bulls. He might say, "Mr. Jordan, I am so happy to meet you. I just want to tell you, you are the best basketball player in the world; you're the greatest!" to which Jordan would probably respond, "Thank you so much, I really appreciate it! I just do try to do my best every time I step on the court." If an American met Deng Yapping, China's premier ping pong player, he might say much the same thing: "…Ms. Deng, you're the best!" but as a Chinese, Deng would probably say, "No, I really don't play all that well, you're much too kind."
Plainly, Americans and Chinese have different ways of responding to praise. Ironically, many Americans might consider Ms. Deng's hypothetical response the less modest, because it is less truthful - and therefore less sincere. Americans generally place sincerity above etiquette; genuine gratitude for the praise serves as a substitute for protestations of modesty. After all, in the words of one of my closest Chinese friends, modesty taken to the extreme is arrogance.
中国的一个美德
我历来认为中国人是非常讲礼仪的，特别