儿童英文小笑话

Don't bother me 别烦我

One day a kind man met a panicky little boy in his neighbor-hood when he was going home from his office.

He noticed that the boy seemed to have fought with other boys. He kindly said: "Why do you have a black eye, little man? I am sorry to see that?"

Unexpectedly the boy replied angrily: "Don't bother me. You go home to feel sorry for your own little boy-he has got two!"

有一天一个好心的人下班回家时，在他居住的小区里碰到一个神色慌张的小男孩。

他注意到这个孩子像是刚和别的孩子打过架，就亲切的对他说：“小家伙，你怎么会有个黑眼眶呀？看到你这样，我很为你难过？”

不料这个小男孩竟然气冲冲地回答说：“别烦我。你回家去为你自己的小男孩难过吧。他有两个黑眼眶。”

Naive reasoning 天真的推理

A man was telling a story to his son, a four-year-old boy. The boy noticed a lock of gray hair on his father's head and asked: "Why are some of your gray, papa?"

"Papa will get a gray hair every time his little boy is naughty," said his father, thinking to take the advantage of this opportunity to give him a moral lesson.

The boy thought for a moment, and then naively said: "Oh, I see why my grandpapa has a lot of gray hair on his head. I think he must have had very naughty boys."

有个人给他的儿子，一个4岁的男孩讲故事。小男孩注意到他父亲的头上有一缕白发，就问道：“爸爸，你的头发怎么是白的？”

他的父亲想趁机给他上一堂教育课，就回答说：“爸爸的小男孩每顽皮一次，爸爸头上就会长出一根白头发。”

小男孩沉思了一下，就天真地说：“哦，我知道爷爷为什么有那么多白头发了。我想他的儿子们一定也非常顽皮。”

Can you eat any more 你还能吃吗

In Chemistry class, the teacher was explaining the relationship between solvent and solute: "A certain solvent can only dissolve a certain solute. For example, you have eaten a bowl of rice, then one more bowl. After having eaten the third bowl, you have felt full to the throat. At this time, can you eat any more?"

One of the students asked: "Is there any dish?"

化学课上老师讲解溶剂与溶质的关系：“一定的溶剂只能溶解一定的溶质。比如说，你吃了一碗饭，又吃了一碗，第三碗吃下去已经饱了，你还能吃下去吗？”

有个学生问：“还有菜吗？”

A garbage collector 垃圾收集工

John was ten years old, and he was a very lazy boy.

He had to go to school of course, but he was bored there and tried to do as little work as possible. His father and mother were both doctors and they hoped that he would become one, too, when he grew up, but one day Lohn said to his mother, "When I finish school, I want to become a garbage collector."

"A garbage collector?" his mother asked. She was very surprised. "That's not a very pleasant job. Why do you want to become a garbage collector?"

"Because then I'd only have to work one day a week," Lohn answered.

"Only one day a week?" his mother said. "What do you mean?"

"Well," John answered, "I know that the ones who come to our house only work on Wednesday, because I only see them on that day."

约翰10岁了，是一个非常懒的男孩子。

当然他必须去上学，但他厌烦学校，并尽可能地少做功课。他父母亲两人都是医生，他们两人都希望当他长大后也当个医生，但有一天，约翰对他母亲说，“我上完学，我想当个垃圾收集工。”

“垃圾收集工？” 他母亲问道。他母亲非常吃惊。“那可不是一件令人愉快的工作。你为什么想当一个垃圾收集工呢？”

“因为到时候我只需一周工作一天，” 约翰回答说。

“一周只工作一天？” 他母亲说。“你是什么意思？”

“嗯，” 约翰回答说，“我知道来我们家的那些人只在星期三上班，因为我只在星期三看见他们。”

老鼠是什么样子的

Rodents had overrun a posh（时髦的）private school near New York City. So the headmaster, a friend of mine, asked a health inspector to deliver a slide presentation to teachers and students, showing how to remedy the situation, i.e. stow（装载，收藏）trash, no food in class, etc.

The following day, a teacher had her very young children write a letter to the inspector, thanking him for the visit. One of the students wrote, "Dear Mr. Johnson, Thank you for coming to my school. Until I saw you, I didn't know what a rat looked like."

啮齿类动物在纽约市附近的一家时尚的私立学校泛滥成灾。那家学校的校长（我的一个朋友）请来了一位健康检查员来给在校师生作一次幻灯演示，告诉他们如何处理这种情况，如，要垃圾装好，上课不能吃东西等等。

第二天，一个老师让她的那些年纪还非常小的学生给那位检查员写封信，感谢他的来访。其中一个学生这样写道，“亲爱的约翰逊先生，感谢您来到我的学校。在看到你之前，我还不知道老鼠长的什么样子。”。

The teacher's pest 老师的调皮学生

It is June. The sun is in the sky, it is immense hot.

Josie is bored with school. She prefers to be at the beach with the tide.

She cannot sit in her seat. She cannot stop talking.

While the teacher writes on the board, Josie gets up and talks to one of her intimate friends. The teacher, Mr. Rolla, hears the noise and says. "Josie, sit down and be quiet." Josie sits down. Mr. Rolla continues with the lessons. Josie gets up and talks to another friend. "Sit down and be quiet. " Says Mr. Rolla. He is very annoyed with her. Josie continues talking.

"O.K." Mr. Rolla gets furious. "If you want to talk. Then come to the front of the classroom and be the teacher."

"All right, " agrees Josie. She comes to the front of the classroom and says, "Quiet, everyone.

I am a new teacher, and I say class dismissed."

六月，太阳高挂天空，天气非常炎热。

朱丝对上课很厌烦，她更想在海滩观看潮起潮落。

她在座位上坐不住，不停地讲话。

当老师在黑板上写字时，朱丝站起来和一个朋友说话，瑞拉老师听到了，就说：“朱丝，坐下，安静点。”朱丝坐下来，老师继续讲课，朱丝又站起来和另一个朋友说话。“坐下，安静点。”可是朱丝又站起来说话，他生气了。

“如果你想说话，到教师前面来说话吧，你当老师吧。”老师愤怒地说。

“好的，”朱丝说。她走到教室前说：“安静点，同学们，我是新老师，现在下课。”

我在等我的秘书

One day in class, the teacher assigned his students to write a composition - if I Am a Manager.

All the students began to write except a boy. The teacher went to him and asked the reason.

"I am waiting for my secretary," was the boy's answer.

一天课上，老师要同学们以“如果我是一个经理”为题写一篇作文。

所有的学生都在动笔写了，只有一个男生例外。老师走过去问他为什么不写。

“我在等我的秘书”。那孩子答道。

爸爸不高兴

It seems a farm boy accidentally overturned his wagon load of corn. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise. "Hey Willis!!" the farmer yelled, "Forget your troubles. Come in with us. Then I'll help you get the wagon up." "That's mighty nice of you, " Willis answered, "but I don't think Pa would like me to." "Aw, come on," the farmer insisted. "Well okay," the boy finally agreed, and added, "but Pa won't like it." After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked his host and said, "I feel a lot better now, but I know Pa is going to be real upset." "Don't be foolish," the neighbor said with a smile, "by the way, where is he?" "Under the wagon."

一个农家小孩好像意外打翻了一车玉米，住在附近的一个农夫听见了，喊道：“威利斯，先放那吧。过来和我们呆会儿，一会儿我帮你扶起来。”“太好了”，威利斯答道，“但是爸爸会不高兴的。”“哎呀，快来吧”，农夫仍然在坚持。“好吧”，小男孩终于点头答应了，“但是爸爸真的会不高兴。”一顿丰盛的晚餐之后，威利斯向农夫表示感谢：“我觉得好多了，但是爸爸肯定很不高兴。”“别傻了”，农夫笑着说，“哦，对了，你爸爸在哪了？”“车底下。”

I you she

Peter was a clever boy. On his first day at school, he learned three words: I, You and She. The teacher taught him how to make sentences with those words. The teacher said, I, I am your teacher; (then pointing to a girl) She, She is your classmate; You, You are my student.

When Peter went home, his father asked him what he had learned at school. Peter said at once, I, I am your teacher; (then pointing to his mother) She, She is your classmate; You, You are my student. His father got angry and said, I, I am your father; (then pointing to his wife) She, She is your mother; You, You are my son.

The next morning at school, the teacher asked Peter if he had learned the three words by heart. Yes, he said proudly, I, I am your father; (then pointing to a girl) She, She is your mother; You, You are my son.

彼得是个聪明的孩子。在学校的第一天，他学了三个词：我，你，她。老师教他如何用这三个词造句子。老师说：我，我是你的老师；（然后指着一个女孩）她，她是你的同学；你，你是我的学生。

彼得回到家里，爸爸问他学了什么。彼得马上说：我，我是你的老师；（然后指着他的妈妈）她，她是你的同学；你，你是我的学生。他的爸爸听了非常生气，说：我，我是你的爸爸；（然后指着他的妻子）她，她是你的妈妈；你，你是我的儿子。

第二天，老师问彼得是否用心学那三个词了。是的，彼得自豪地说，我，我是你的爸爸；（然后指着一个女孩）她，她是你的妈妈；你，你是我的儿子。

Cry

"Tom, what's the matter with your brother?" asked the mother in the kitchen. "He's crying."

"Oh, nothing, Mum," replied Tom. "I'm eating my cake. He is crying because I won't give him any."

"But has he finished his own cake?"

"Yes." said Tom. "And he also cried when I was helping him finish that."

"汤姆，你弟弟怎么了？" 妈妈在厨房里问。"他在哭。"

"没事儿，妈妈，" 汤姆答道。"我在吃我的蛋糕。他哭是因为我不给他吃。"

"他已经吃完自己的了么？"

"是的。" "我帮他吃完时，他也哭了。"

The kitchen is so dark 厨房里太黑了

After supper, the parents were busy playing mah-jong with the guests. At this point the mother thought of something and said to her son who was watching TV, "Honey, go see if the kitchen light is on or not?" After a while, her son returned and said, "Ma, the kitchen is so dark that I cannot see it at all."

晚饭后，父亲和母亲都忙着和客人玩麻将，这时母亲忽然想起点儿事来，便对正在看电视的儿子说道：“宝贝，去看看厨房里的灯是不是还开着呢？” 过了一会儿，儿子回来说：“妈，厨房里太黑了，我根本就看不见。”

He Won 他赢了

Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny?

Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.

Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?

Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.

汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗？

约翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了伤。

汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿？

约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。

Nest and Hair 鸟窝与头发

My sister, a primary school teacher, was informed by one of her pupils that a bird had built its nest in the tree outside the classroom.

"What kind of bird?" my sister asked.

"I didn't see the bird, ma'am, only the nest," replied the child.

"Then, can you give us a description of the nest?" my sister encouraged her.

"Well, ma'am, it just resembles your hair."

我姐姐是一位小学老师。一次一个学生告诉她说一只鸟儿在教室外的树上垒了个窝。

“是什么鸟呢？”我姐姐问她。

“我没看到鸟儿，老师，只看到鸟窝。”那孩子回答说。

“那么，你能给我们描述一下这个鸟巢吗？”我姐姐鼓励她道。

“哦，老师，就像你的头发一样。”

Micro-parents forum 微型家长座谈会

Son: "Dad, are you available on Friday afternoon?"

Dad: "What ah?"

Son: "The school want parents to have a mini-parents forum!"

Dad: "What is micro-parents forum?"

Son: "It's only a class teacher, you and I participate in!"

儿子：“爸爸，星期五下午您有空吗？”

爸爸：“什么事啊？”

儿子：“学校要开微型家长座谈会！”

爸爸：“什么叫微型家长座谈会？”

儿子：“就是只有班主任，你和我参加！”

妈妈在砸瓶子

A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup（番茄酱）to come out of the bottle. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her four-year-old daughter to answer the phone. The child said, "Mommy can't come to the phone right now. She's hitting the bottle."

一个妇人正在使劲打开番茄酱的瓶子。这时，电话铃响了，她叫四岁的女儿去接电话。小孩说：“妈妈现在不能接电话，她在砸瓶子。”

A letter to God 写给上帝的信

A little boy needed $50 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened. Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $50. When the post office received the letter to God, they decided to send it to the president. The president was so amused that he instructed his secretary to send the boy a $5 bill. The president thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy. The little boy was delighted with the $5 bill and sat down to write a thank-you note to God, which read: Dear God: Thank you very much for sending the money. However, I noticed that for some reason you sent it through Washington, D.C., and, as usual, those turkeys kept $45 in taxes.

有个小男孩非常需要50美元，他为此祷告了数周但是什么也没发生。后来，他决定写封信向上帝索要这50美元。邮局接到这封信，想了想觉得还是应该交给总统比较好。总统被逗笑了，于是指示秘书寄给小男孩5美元，因为他觉得5美元对于一个小孩来讲已经是不少了。小男孩收到了钱很高兴，给上帝回了一封感谢信，信里写道：尊敬的上帝，非常感谢你把钱寄给我。然而，我发现这些钱是通过白宫寄出的，因此，和往常一样，那帮家伙收了我45美元的税。

Saving Money 省钱

A man told his son to take a letter to the post office, buy a three-cent stamp and mail it. After a while his son returned. The man asked him, "Did you mail the letter?"

His son replied, "Certainly, and I have saved the three cents. I saw many people dropping letters in a box, so when nobody was looking, I dropped mine in too."

有个人叫他的儿子拿一封信到邮局去买一张三分钱的邮票把它寄出去。

过了一会儿他的儿子回来了，他问儿子：“信寄了吗？”

儿子回答说：“当然寄了，我还省了三分钱哩。我看到很多人把信投进了一个箱子，我就趁没人的时候把我的也投进去了。”

Stupid Orders 愚蠢的命令

When Nasreddin was a boy, he never did what he was told, so his father always told him to do the opposite of what he wanted him to do.

One day, when the two were bringing sacks of flour home on their donkeys, they had to cross a shallow river. When they were in the middle of it, one of the sacks on Nasreddin's donkey began to slip, so his father said, "That sack is nearly in the water! Press down hard on it!"

His father of course expected that he would do the opposite, but this time Nasreddin did what his father had told him to do. He pressed down on the sack and it went under water. Of course, the flour was lost.

"What have you done, Nasreddin," his father shouted angrily. "Well, father," said Nasreddin. "This time I thought that I would do just what you told me to show you how stupid your orders always are."

当纳斯雷金还是个孩子时，从来不按照别人所说的去做。所以他爸爸想要他去做某事时，常叫他做相反的事。

一天，父子俩用毛驴驮着几袋面粉往家走，路上必须经过一条不深的小河。父子俩走到河中心时，纳斯雷金牵的那头毛驴上有一袋面粉开始往下滑了。他爸爸说：“那个袋子快掉进水里了，使劲往下按！”

他爸爸当然是希望他象以往一样，干和他所说的相反的事。可这次纳斯雷金却按照他爸爸所说的去做了。他使劲一按，袋子沉进水里了。当然，这袋面也没有了。

他爸爸愤怒地喊道：“你干的什么事！” 纳斯雷金说：“嗯，爸爸，这次我想按你所要求的去做，好证明你以往的命令是多么的愚蠢。”

I want a nightmare 真想做个噩梦

Before the final examination, Tom told his mother, "Mom, I had a dream last night that I'd passed today's exam."

"Don't trust dreams, dear. It is said what you experience in dreams usually turns out to be the opposite." Mother replied.

"Then I do hope I'll fail the other subjects in my dream tonight," Tom said.

在期末考试之前，汤姆告诉他的母亲：“妈妈，我昨天晚上做了一个梦，梦见我通过了今天的考试。”

“不要相信梦，亲爱的。据说梦中的经历通常与现实相反。”妈妈答道。

“那么，我真希望在今晚的梦中，我的其他功课都不及格。”汤姆说。

When was Rome built

Teacher: When was Rome built?

Tom: At night.

Teacher: Who told you that?

Tom: You did. You said Rome wasn't built in a day.

Water your flowers every day

"Flowers need water," said the teacher. "Water your flowers every day, or they'll die."

One morning Mother saw Marry out in the garden and asked, "What are you doing there, Marry?"

"Watering flowers," said Marry.

"But it is raining now!"

"Oh, it doesn't matter. Mum."

“花需要水，” 老师说，“每天给花浇水，否则他们会死掉的”。

一天早上，母亲看到玛丽在花园，就问：“玛丽，你在干吗？”

“ 我在给花浇水。”玛丽回答。

“可是在下雨啊！”

“哦，没事妈妈。”

Don't argue with the children

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.

The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because, even though it was a very large mammal, its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human, it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, "Well, when I get to Heaven, I will ask Jonah."

The teacher asked, sarcastically, "What if Jonah went to Hell?"

The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."

一个小女孩和她的老师在说鲸鱼。

老师说，鲸鱼不可能吞了一个人，因为，即使这是一个非常大的哺乳动物，它的喉咙是非常小。

小女孩说，约拿被一条鲸鱼吞噬。

老师恼火的重申鲸鱼不能吞下一个人身体是不可能的。

小女孩说，"好吧，当我到达天堂，我会问约拿" 。

老师问，反讥道："什么，如果约拿到地狱呢" ？

小女孩回答说："那你问他" 。

A Rithmetic Lesson

A little boy bustled（喧闹，忙乱）into a grocery one day with a memorandum（便笺）in his hand.

″Hello, Mr. Smith,″He said, ″I want thirteen pounds of coffee at 33 cents.″

″Very good,″ said the grocer, and he noted down the sale.

″Anything else, Charlie?″

″Yes. Twenty－seven pounds of sugar at 9 cen ts.″

″The loaf? And whatelse?″

″Seven and a half pounds of bacon at 30 cents.″

″That will be a good brand. Goon.″

″Five pounds of tea at 90 cents, eleven and a half quarts of molasses at 8 cents a pint, two eight－pound hams at 31 cents, and five dozen jars of pickled walnuts（核桃）at 34 cents a jar.″

The grocer made out the bill.

″It's a big order,″ he said. ″Did your mother tell you to pay for it？″

″My mother,″ said the boy, as he pocketed the neat and accurate bill, ″has nothing to do with this business. It is my arithmetic（算术）lesson and I had to get it done somehow.″

一天，一个小男孩匆匆忙忙地走进了一家杂货店，手里拿着一张清单。

“史密斯先生，你好，”他说道：“3毛3分钱一磅的咖啡，请给我13磅。”

“好的，”杂货店老板马上把这笔生意记了下来。

“还要别的什么，查理？”

“要的。再要27磅糖，9分钱一磅的。”

“面包要不要？还要什么？”“7磅半咸肉，3毛钱一磅的。”

“这肉是名牌的呢，还有呢？”

“9毛钱一磅的茶叶，给我5磅，8分钱一品脱的糖浆要11夸脱半，3毛1分钱一磅的8磅的大火腿要两只，3毛4分钱一罐的腌核桃要5打。”

杂货店老板把账单算了出来。“你买了很多东西，”他说：“你妈妈叫你现在把钱付清吗？”

小男孩一面把那清楚准确的账单放进口袋，一面说：“这和我妈没关系，这是我自己的算术作业,我总得想办法把它做出来！”

Goes to the cinema

A boy goes to the cinema. He buys a ticket and goes in. But after two or three minutes he comes out. He buys a second ticket and goes in again. After a few minutes he comes out again and buys a third ticket. Two or three minutes after that he comes out a third time and asks for another ticket. The ticket seller says to him, "Why are you buying all these? Are you meeting friends in the cinema all the time?" "No, I’m not doing that." The small man says, "But a big woman always stops me at the door and tears my tickets up."

一个男孩去看电影。他买了张票进去了。但两到三分钟后他出来。他又买了第二张票进去了。几分钟后他又出来买了第三张票。两三分钟后,他第三次出来,要求再买一张票。售票员说,“你为什么买这么多票?你一直在电影院遇见朋友吗?”“不,不是的。“小男人说,“但一个女人总是停在门口,撕我的票。”

Johnny is busy now

It was half-past eight in the morning. The telephone rang and Mary went to answer it.

'Hello, who's that?' she asked.

'It's me--Peter.'

Peter was a friend of Mary's eight-year-old brother, Johnny.

'Oh, hello, Peter. What do you want?' said Mary.

'Can I speak to Johnny?'

'No,' said Mary, 'you can't speak to him now. He is busy. He is getting ready for school. He is eating his breakfast. Grandmother is combing his hair. Sister is under the table, putting his shoes on. Mother is getting his books and putting them in his school bag. Goodbye, I've got to go now. I have to hold the door open. The school bus is coming.'

这是早上8点半起床。电话铃响了,玛丽去接电话。“你好,请问是谁?”她问。”是我——彼得”。彼得是玛丽的八岁的哥哥约翰尼的一个朋友。“哦,你好,彼得。你有什么事吗?”玛丽说。“我能和约翰说话吗?“不行,”玛丽说,“你现在不能跟他说话。他现在正忙。他在为上学做准备。他正在吃早餐。祖母在梳理他的头发。姐姐在桌子底下给他穿鞋子。妈妈正把他的书放进他的书包里。再见,我要走了。我必须去保持门开着。校车来了。”

They are all the same size

In a country home that seldom had guests, a young son was eager to help his mother after his father appeared with two dinner guests.

When the dinner was nearly over, the boy went to the kitchen and proudly carried in the first piece of apple pie, giving it to his father, who passed it to a guest.

The boy came in with a second piece of pie and gave it to his father, who again gave it to a guest.

This was too much for the boy, who said, "It's no use, Dad. The pieces are all the same size." 在一个很少来客人的乡下家庭, 晚餐时爸爸带回两个客人,年轻的儿子热切地帮助妈妈干活。晚餐快结束的时候,男孩走到厨房,自豪地拿着第一块苹果派,交给他的爸爸,爸爸把它给了客人。第二个块馅饼的男孩走了进来,交给他的爸爸,爸爸又给了一个客人。这男孩有点不能接受了,他说:“没用的,爸爸。每一片都是一样大。”