四级作文范文及点评

六篇作文范文及点评

1. Directions：For this part you are allowed thirty minutes to write a

composition on the topic Is Outer Space Worth Exploring? You should write no less than 150 words and base your composition on the outline (given in Chinese) below:

1.有的人认为有必要进行空间探索

2.有的人认为空间探索不值得

3.我的看法

范文

Almost everyday we may see something in the newspaper or TV about the latest exciting developments in space exploration. There is an immense pride in our science and technology and a sense of its importance for the welfare of mankind.

Not everyone, however, shares this feeling. Ever since space research began, it has been criticized as a huge waste of money and other resources which might be used to help to relieve the suffering of the earth's starving millions. It has been also felt that the space program might lead to the development of space weapons which, in case of war, may cause the total destruction of earth. Despite these disadvantages and potential dangers, the advantages are far greater. We have already succeeded in using satellites for communications, weather forecast and oil exploration, and with further space research, more problems we are having now can be solved. For instance, with the success of space shuttles and the feasibility of living in other planets, we may solve the population problem on earth. Space projects will also enable us to find new sources of energy to solve the energy problem and discover new chemical elements to cure presently incurable diseases.

Space exploration contributes not only to the improvement of the quality of human life, but also to our understanding of the interdependence of all beings; and therefore, of the need to take better care of each other.

讲评

太空探索一直是一个有争议的问题。写这种议论型文章，作者的态度一定要鲜明，或赞成或反对，不能含糊不清。文章结构的安排和措词的考虑同作者的观点或态度密切相关。一般说来，如正文要叙述反对的观点和赞成的观点，往往是先说作者不同意的反对意见，然后在承上启下的过渡句后，才说作者自己的观点。这样安排符合人们先“破”后立的思维规律，又能顺利地过渡到最后一段，因为最后一段往往是作者承上一段最后几句的意思，从更高的层次上指明意义。这篇文章就是按这一结构布局的，因此中心突出，观点鲜明。

在措词上，作者也十分讲究。如作者在叙述对方的观点时，尽量用抽象笼统的词。例如用“It has been criticized …”“It has been also felt …”，这些泛指笼统的说法；用“might be used”、“might lead to”、“may cause”这类不确定的语气来冲淡对方的论说。而在阐述自己的观点时，则用很具体的语言和肯定的语气。措词最能反映作者的态度，是肯定，否定，还是中立等等。同样一个“便宜”，用inexpensive或cheap表明作者两种立场态度。例如，比较下面一组句子，不难看到a)是肯定的，至少是中立的，而b)是批评的，或至少是否定的。而这两种态度仅仅是通过几个词反映出来的：

a) The sales of vitamin C, helped by reports from health food enthusiasts and doctors, have doubled in the past five years.

b) The sales of vitamin C, helped by the claims of health food faddists and some doctors, have doubled in the past five years.

reports是和科学实验连在一起的，而claims有一种没有根据声称的感觉；enthusiasts有热情倡导者的意思，faddists给人感觉是没有头脑的狂热者；some 加不加更大不一样，用了some后，表示只是一部分医生的看法，而没有some，就没有这个意思。可见措词非常重要。

在用词变化上，作者也注意避免简单重复，千篇一律。例如“太空探索”是在文章中肯定要多次出现的词，作者用space exploration, space projects, space research, the space program, the exploration of outer space等不断变换。

文章中的名词化运用也较多，这种抽象化的表达是和文章叙述太空高精尖技术一致的：

S⑵There is an immense pride in …(=We are very proud of …)

S⑵… and a sense of its importance (=We sense the importance …)

S⑷ it has been criticized as a huge waste of money (=it has been criticized to waste a lot of money)

S⑸… might lead to the development of … (= … might cause space weapons to develop)

S⑸… may cause the total destruction of (= … may totally destroy …)

S⑻ With the success of space shuttles and the feasibility of living in other planets, …(As space shuttles become successful and living in other planets will be feasible, …)

S⑽… contributes not only to the improvement of … but also to our understanding of … (= … help not only to improve … but also to understand …)

2. Directions：For this part you are allowed thirty minutes to write a composition on the topic The Growth of College Athletics. Your composition should be no less than 150 words and based on the outline (given in Chinese) below:

1.大学里体育活动的现状

2.开展大学体育活动的重要性

3.结论

范文

In recent years there has been a big growth in the area of college

athletics. Sports are so popular on campus that they have become an indispensable part of college education.

College athletics contribute both to students' physical well-being and to their mental well-being. There is a new appreciation of the importance of sports as students' bodies are increasingly weak and vulnerable to disease because of inactivity. School authorities, as well as students themselves, have realized that sports are especially necessary to a person who works with his brain most of the day. Besides, sports offer a healthy form of escape from their monotonous routine studies. Taking part in swimming, jogging and ball games can make their academic life richer and fuller. And most importantly, sports help to promote the development of a student's personality. Such traits of character as competitiveness, self-discipline, teamwork and endurance--the things much needed in their later career and life--are encouraged and cultivated in sports.

College athletics plays a vital role in a student's life, and it deserves further attention from colleges and universities.

讲评

最近几年我国的大学体育运动蓬勃开展。不少院校不仅每年有运动会，还自办运动队。如何看待这一现象，本文就是阐述作者的看法。作者第一段用的是facts—opinions的开头法。第一句描写近几年中国大学体育运动的现状(facts)，接下来一句是作者对这一现状的看法(opinion)，也即全文的中心论点。在第二段正文中，作者首先更具体地阐明自己的观点，大学体育运动对学生的physical well-being和mental well-being非常重要。然后从三个方面来说明。S⑷、S⑸是说大学体育运动对提高大学生身体素质的作用；S⑹、S⑺是说对丰富大学生业余生活的作用；最后S⑻、S⑼则说对培养大学生的优秀品质的作用。

在英语十句作文模式中，三个位置非常重要，即S⑵、S⑶和S⑽，它们分别表示Thesis (general), Thesis (specific)和Conclusion.如果这三句所表达的内容是一致的，那它就如一条主线贯穿全文，把所有句子串起来，组成一个意义完整、统一的篇章。例如本文中的这三句：

S⑵ Sports are so popular on campus that they have become an indispensable part of college education.

S⑶ College athletics contribute both to students' physical well-being and to their mental well-being.

S⑽ College athletics plays a vital role in a student's life.

这三句的内容几乎完全一致。因此学会用不同的表达形式来表达同一内容十分重要。

本文中名词化的运用也令人称道。请比较：

S⑴ a. There has been a big growth in the area of college athletics.

b. College athletics has grown greatly.

S⑷ a. There is a new appreciation of the importance of sports.

b. People now have appreciated the importance of sports.

名词化的目的并不仅仅是为了虚实结合，它主要还是为了求变化(Variety)。中国学生作文中用人称名词和代词作为主语的频率相当高，文章中以I, We, He,

People开头的句子相当多。这不是英语的表达习惯。那么如何改变这种情况呢？名词化可能是办法之一。例如，下列各句中的a)是名词化句：

1.人们对人口的迅速增长越来越关注。

a) There is a growing concern over the population growth.

b) People are increasingly concerned with the population growth.

2.家长一直要求对色情出版物进行打击。

a) There is a persistent demand on the part of parents for an attack on pornographic publications.

b) Parents continuously demand an attack on pornographic publications.

3.人们都有一种感觉，现在的人没有以前老实了。

a) There is a general feeling that people are no longer honest than they once were.

b) People feel that people are no longer honest than they once were.

4.如果我们比较一下这两种交通工具，就会发现骑自行车更方便。

a) Careful comparison of the two forms of transport will show riding bicycles is more convenient.

b) If we compare the two forms of transport, we will find riding …

5.我们应当认识到染上抽烟习惯的可怕后果。

a) There should be an awareness of the dreadful consequences of taking up the smoking habit.

b) We must be aware of the dreadful consequences of …

6.如果我们不认识这个问题的严重性，就会犯大错误。

a) Failure to recognize the seriousness of the problem will lead to a big mistake.

b) If we don't recognize the seriousness of the problem, we will make a big mistake.

7.老师走了后，激烈的争论才告结束。

a) The departure of the teacher brought the heated discussion to an end.

b) After the teacher had left, the heated discussion then ended.

3. Directions：For this part, you are allowed thirty minutes to write a composition on the topic Rural Workers: A Mixed Blessing for the City. You should write no less than 150 words and base your composition on the outline (given in Chinese) below:

1.九十年代以来，大批民工流入发达城市

2.民工对城市的建设所作的贡献

3.民工的大量流入可能带来的问题

范文

The early '90s finds an unprecedented tide of rural workers flooding into big cities such as Shanghai, Guangzhou, and Beijing. According to a recent survey, in Shanghai alone there are more than 2.5 million migrant workers.

There is an ambivalent feeling towards rural workers. No one denies the important contribution rural workers have made to the urban development. They have done most of dirty, dangerous and underpaid jobs in

heavy industries, construction sites and other fields that city residents are unwilling to enter. They have become an indispensable part of urban life to a point where the machinery of a city cannot operate without those cogs, though small and unnoticed. Yet an anti-migrant attitude runs consistently through the mainstream of urban consciousness. City residents complain that migrant workers have worsened traffic and sanitation problems and have threatened to take already scarce urban jobs. They also blame them for the sharp rise in the urban crime rate.

Despite the problems posed by migrants, one thing is certain: a grand, prosperous edifice of the city is based on the work of millions of migrant workers.

讲评

自90年代初以来，大批民工涌进了沿海大城市。如何看待民工问题？毫无疑问，城市居民的心情是复杂的。作者就是从这个角度来剖析城市居民的心态。文章第一段，作者首先运用形象化的语言和具体的数据来描绘民工这一社会现象，为说明问题向读者提供必要的背景知识。然后，作者在第二段一开始，提出全文要讨论的中心论点：There is an ambivalent feeling towards rural workers。既然对民工的看法是喜忧参半，作者就从两个方面来分析。首先用S⑷主题句引出“喜”的看法：民工对城市的建设和经济的繁荣作出了巨大的贡献，他们活跃在建筑工地、重工业、运输业等，干着城市人不愿干的最危险、最肮脏和最重的活。然后作者以S⑺Yet an anti-migrant attitude runs consistently through the mainstream of urban consciousness这个过渡转折句兼另一方面的主题句，引出“忧”的看法：民工大量流入城市对城市交通、住房、卫生、就业，尤其是社会治安，造成了巨大的压力。最后一段的总结只有一句话，但从作者对内容的主从句安排，即把问题——忧的原因放到从句里处理，把喜的方面放在主句里表达，我们多少可以看到作者本人对民工的看法是肯定的。

这篇文章在运用形象化语言方面比较成功。所谓形象化语言就是运用暗喻(Metaphor)、明喻(Simile)、拟人(Personification)等修辞手段使人们在阅读文字的同时在头脑里形成一幅具体的画面。例如本文S⑴“an unprecedented tide of rural workers flooding into big cities”，一个“tide”，一个“flood”，使文字立体化而跃然纸上。再如S⑹“the machinery of a city can not operate without those cogs”，把城市比喻成机器，把民工比喻成齿轮，机器的正常运转离不开齿轮，一下子就把民工的作用讲清楚了。再如S⑽a grand, prosperous edifice of the city is based on the work of millions of migrant workers.把一座城市比喻成一座繁荣、宏伟的大厦，不能不使人想到支撑它的基石——民工。这些修辞手段的运用使语言变得生动、具体，富于实感，从而帮助读者加深对作者描写的事物和叙述的道理的理解。一个有经验的作者在抽象思维的论说中，无不注意使用形象化的语言。例如《大学英语精读》第二册第十课的作者在阐述Profits of Praise这一道理时，运用了大量形象化的语言：

Praise is like sunlight to the human spirit; we cannot flower and grow without it.

And yet, while most of us are only too ready to apply to others the cold wind of criticism, we are somehow reluctant to give our fellows the warm

sunshine of praise.

Mothers know instinctively that for children an ounce of praise worth a pound of scolding.

One teacher writes that instead of drowning students' compositions in critical red ink,

4. Directions：For this part, you are allowed thirty minutes to write a composition on the topic Advantages and Disadvantages of Home Computers. Your composition should be no less than 150 words and based on the outline (given in Chinese) below:

1.家用电脑的普及

2.家用电脑的好处

3.家用电脑带来的问题

范文

Just a few years ago, the idea of having a computer in one's home seemed farfetched for most Chinese. Now, however, with the advent and popularity of the home computer, its advantages and disadvantages have been a subject of discussion.

There is no doubt that like TV, computers benefit people hugely. With the computer, the home will become a library, a school, an office and an entertainment center. All transactions, from banking to shopping, will be performed electronically and all information, from train schedules to discount price goods, will be as close as the press of a key. In addition to providing us many of the facilities and services we now must travel to obtain, the computer will even let us communicate directly with other homes and with information sources worldwide. Despite the increase in efficiency and convenience generated by the computer, the changes it brings could very well lead to potentially adverse consequences. For example, as nearly all activities could be conducted in the comfort of our homes, we could all become hermitlike, never feeling any need to leave the house. This world be unfortunate because our children especially will become so addicted to computers that they might never be exposed to either peer pressure or social interaction.

Unquestionably, the challenge of the home computer means we all should consider how we can control it, so that it won't control us.

讲评

90年代中期在中国掀起一股家用电脑热，越来越多的电脑进入普通百姓家。这是好事还是坏事，显然不能简单地下结论。因此，作者在文章中只能客观地评论电脑给人们带来的好处以及问题，并不采取一个立场，支持一方，批评一方。这样，在第二句这个中心论点的位置上看不到有作者倾向性的观点，而是以its advantages and disadvantages have been a subject of discussion引出全文的讨论。在第二段正文中，作者前半段说电脑的优点，后半段说电脑带来的问题。尽管安排平衡，显得有点不偏不倚，但作者的观点从字里行间、从优缺点的比例中还是可以觉察到。例如在说电脑带来的方便时，作者用了四个句子，而且比较

具体，甚至举了例子；而论及其副作用时，作者只用两个句子，且很笼统。特别是最后一段作者的观点更加清楚：问题不在于电脑给我们带来挑战，而在于我们如何去控制它，而不是让它来控制我们。因此评论型议论文并不是没有观点，只是没有偏向性的观点。任何作文都要有一个中心论点。

评论型议论文涉及到事物的正反两个方面，因此在说了正的一面后再说反的一面，当中的过渡很重要。在分析型议论文中我们常可用second, finally, 或moreover, what's more等过渡词来衔接同一方向几层意思，那么用什么手段来衔接正反两个方向的意思呢？除了on the contrary, on the other hand，这些过渡词外，运用转折过渡句不失为一个好办法。例如本文的第七句就是这样一个转折过渡句：Despite the increase in efficiency and convenience generated by the computer, the changes it brings could very well lead to potentially adverse consequences.前半句（从句）总结归纳了前面已讨论的电脑的好处，后半句（主句）引出了接下去要讨论的电脑带来的副作用，因而起到了承上启下、过渡衔接的作用。类似的转折过渡句型还有：

1. Despite (In spite of, For all) the advantages, it brings its own disadvantages (problems, negative effects).

2. Like anything else, it also has its own problems (weaknesses, limits).

3. However, it is not without problems (shortcomings, faults).

4. However, it has its own drawbacks (disadvantages) as well as its merits (advantages).

5. Directions：For this part, you are allowed thirty minutes to write a composition on the topic Why College Students Take a Part-Time Job. You should write about 150 words and base your composition on the outline (given in Chinese) below:

1.最近几年越来越多的大学生加入打工的队伍

2.为什么大学生要打工

3.大学生打工的意义

范文

According to a recent survey, about 25 percent of Chinese college students now hold a part-time or temporary job, compared with nearly none 10 years ago, and this figure increases to 72 percent during summer vacation. College students are seen waiting on tables, clerking in stores, advertising in streets, teaching in families and doing whatever work they can find.

Why do they want odd jobs--jobs usually requiring little skill and knowledge? The primary reason, I think, is money. Feeling the pressure of soaring inflation as books, movies and bus fares have all gone up in price, there is scarcely a young boy or girl who does not want to earn a little money to help cover the increasingly higher college costs, and at best save enough to go travelling or buy things they have long desired. In this way they hope to be economically independent and avoid the indignity of having to ask for money again and again. Besides they want to gain some experience in the ways of society. Students growing up from nursery school to college only know about

books and have trouble dealing with realities. Working on a part-time basis can provide them with a rare opportunity to know the outside world and prepare them for a future career.

The significance for college students of doing a part-time job means more than money and experience: It will broaden their outlook and exert a profound influence on their personality and life.

讲评

这篇作文主要是解释大学生打工这一社会现象。作者谈了两个方面的原因。一是money。由于近几年的通货膨胀、物价飞涨和大学生本身经济独立意识的增强，他们需要有钱。二是experience。这是因为书本知识和现实世界之间的距离以及大学生今后工作和生活的需要。文章最后一段虽只有一句，但作者不仅总结了全文的两个原因，而且还进一步指出了大学生打工对于他们人生观形成所具有的深远意义。好的结尾能使读者加深认识，起到画龙点睛的作用。一般说来，总结全文要点，进一步点明、深化主题，或展望未来，指明前景、呼吁读者行动起来是结尾的常用方法。但在原因型议论文中，结尾大多是以提出建议或解决问题的方法为主，形成Problem-Causes-Solution结构。

本文的开头作者采用了两个写作技巧。一是引用具体的数据，二是运用形象化的描写，让读者实实在在感到大学生打工这一现象，这远比"Nowadays more and more students are doing different kinds of jobs"丰富、生动、具体。

这篇作文也比较注意语言的变化。一般考生由于掌握的词汇有限，表达能力也不强，往往在一篇作文中，对某一概念或某一事物的表达翻来覆去使用同一单词。例如，在写一篇关于电视的作文中，有些考生这样写：Now more and more families who have become more and more rich can buy more and more TV sets.

他们似乎不知道要表达“越来越”的意思，除了more and more，还可用其他表达法。例如：

Learning English seems to become increasingly difficult once the basic structures have been understood.

一旦基本结构掌握后，学习英语就似乎变得越来越难了。

There are indications that school cheating is on the rise.

有迹象表明学校的作弊行为越演越烈。

People in growing numbers prefer to stay at home and watch TV.

越来越多的人宁肯呆在家里看电视。

而本文在表达打工这一概念时，作者用了hold a temporary job, do odd jobs, work on a part-time basis, do whatever work they can find, do a part-time job 等，甚至用具体描写来表示打工的意思：…waiting on tables, clerking in stores, advertising in streets, teaching in families…，这就避免了文章在表达上的累赘重复。再如，同样要表达“得到”，一个用earn a little money，一个用gain some experience。

6. Directions：For this part you are allowed thirty minutes to write a composition on the topic How to Solve the Problem of Heavy Traffic. You should write no less than 150 words and base your composition on the outline

(given in Chinese) below:

1.为解决交通难，有人建议多造马路

2.有人则建议限制自行车和小汽车

3.我的看法

范文

Nowadays, heavy traffic has become the source of greatest complaint in many big cities. As it has seriously influenced people's daily life and economic development, the highest priority of governments has been given to the problem and many experts have been called in for advice.

A great number of solutions are being offered. Some people suggest that more streets and roads should be constructed. The advantage is obvious: it can reduce traffic density and hence speed up the flow of buses and cars. But traffic flows constantly rise to fill whatever scale of roads and highways are provided for them. And in a city with booming industry, land is precious and cannot be extravagantly used for traffic. So others argue that the number of bicycles and cars should be limited while more bus routes should be opened up because buses can accommodate more passengers. But the decrease in the number of bicycles and cars might give rise to another new set of problems, such as inconvenience to people.

Since neither of the suggestions can effectively solve the problem of heavy traffic, there is an increased awareness that the two solutions may be combined with other possible solutions to produce the best effect.

讲评

这篇作文也是HOW比较型议论文。也就是说要通过比较解决交通问题的两种方案，来决定一种最佳的方案。第一段是指出问题，说明问题的严重性和解决问题的迫切性，以便第三段提出和比较解决问题的方案。第二段中作者采取的是A1A2A3-B1B2B3的整体比较法。先评论第一个方案的优缺点：多造马路能够分流车辆，从而加快车速，但城市土地有限。接着评说第二个方案：多辟公交线路，限制自行车和小汽车的数量。优点是公共汽车载客量大，可相应减少马路上的车辆。但限制自行车和小汽车会给一部分人带来不便。两种方案各有优缺点，作者就在结尾段提出建议，把这两种解决方案，结合起来，加上其他方法，实行综合治理。一般说来，这种比较型议论文的中心论点是在结尾处。

这篇作文段落之间衔接自然，思想前后顺畅，毫无牵强附会之感。究其原因，不仅仅是过渡句、过渡词用得好，而且内容的安排对连贯起了很大的作用。例如，文章是以问题开始的。有了问题，而且是严重影响人民生活的问题，必然引起政府的关注，必然要想办法解决。解决方案有好几个，一个一个分析比较。每一个都是以分析优点开始，以批出缺点结束，因为一个方案不行，就自然引出另一方案。由于每一个方案都有长处，又有不足，就引出综合治理的建议，整篇文章的内容安排、布局一环扣一环：S⑴A-B，S⑵B-C，S⑶C-D，S⑷D-E，S⑸E-F，S⑹F-G，S⑺G-H，S⑻H-I，S⑼I-J，S⑽J-K，句句相联，浑然一体。

记得考生原文第二句是这样的：It has seriously influenced people's daily life and economic development.而紧随着它的第二段第一句还是：A great number of solutions are being offered.显然这两句之间并没有什么语义联系。在修改时

就在第二句后面加了半句：the highest priority of governments has been given to the problem and many experts have been called in for advice.这个细节一加，就和第二段第一句连接起来了。请来专家——提出方案。所以连贯不仅靠过渡句、过渡词，还要注意内容的安排和细节的设计。