汉语式英语笑话
1. we two who and who？咱俩谁跟谁阿
2．how are you ? how old are you?怎么是你，怎么老是你？
3．you don't bird me,I don't bird you你不鸟我，我也不鸟你
4．you have seed I will give you some color to see see, brothers ！together你有种，我要给你点颜色瞧瞧，兄弟们，一起上！
5． hello everybody! if you have something to say, then say! if you have nothing to say, go home!!有事起奏，无事退朝
6．what is IMU3.0? it is a kind of chat tool!
什么是IMU3.0？IMU3.0 是一种聊天工具！
7． You Give Me Stop!!你给我站住！
8． know is know noknow is noknow知之为知之，不知为不知…
9． WATCH SISTER表妹
10． IMU3.0 both can do what??? IMU3.0都能做什么？？？
11． American Chinese not enough美中不足
13． heart flower angry open心花怒放
14． go past no mistake past走过路过，不要错过
15．小明：I am sorry!
老外：I am sorry too!
小明：I am sorry three!
老外：What are you sorry for?
小明：I am sorry five!
16． If you want money,I have no;if you want life,I have one!
要钱没有，要命一条
17． I call Li old big. toyear 25.我叫李老大，今年25。
18． you have two down son你有两下子。
19． as far as you go to die有多远，死多远！！！！
20． I give you face you don''t wanna face,you lose you face ,I turn my face.给你脸你不要脸，你丢脸，我翻脸.
21.People mountain and people sea. 人山人海
22.seven up eight down 七上八下
23.love who who 爱谁谁
24一说：give you some colours to see see!(给你点颜色看看)
一答：you try try see！（你试试看！）
25.雇主 how much do you want a month?
保姆：800 yuan, eat you, sleep you
800块，吃你的，住你的
26.you give me run egg！你给我滚蛋！
go and look! 走着瞧
good good study,day day up 好好学习，天天向上
No Mao ze dong ,no new china, 没有毛泽东，没有新中国
go a head! 去个头！
PEOPLE MOUNTAIN PEOPLE SEA 人山人海
no three no four 不三不四
u ask me,I ask who? 你问我，我问谁？
if you old three old four,i will give you color see see 如果你老三老四，我就给你点颜色看看
dog day’s 狗日的
poor light egg 穷光蛋
go to your mother 去你MD
full clear ten big cool punishment 满清十大酷刑
After I do something! AIDS爱滋病！
day day do morning ****! 天天做早操
I saw a man saw a saw with a saw 我看到一个男人拿一把斧头在砍一把斧头
KILL ONE POLICE HUNDRED 杀一警百
Give your face,you don’t sport! 给你脸，你不会运用！
fat head fish 胖头鱼
gold basih washes my hands! 金盆洗手
you me you me 彼此彼此
**** do system. 操作系统
horse horse tiger tiger 马马虎虎
Where cool where you stay!! 哪儿凉快哪儿呆着
You Give Me Stop!! 你给我站住！！
fish yes 于(鱼)是
see you tomorrow 谁又偷猫肉
sir, you going down? 先生，你够淫荡
know is know noknow is noknow 知之为知之，不知为不知
we are brother，who and who？咱哥俩谁跟谁啊
EYES KEEP HEALTHY *** 眼保健操
横knife夺love。
King eight egg 王八蛋
let’s go shopping 赖雌勾哨兵
5 talks, 4 beauties & 3 loves五讲四美三热爱
you ask me, I ask who 你问我，我问谁啊
look through autumn water! 望穿秋水
why? 为什么No why! 不为什么why no why? 为什么不为什么No why no why! 不为什么不为什么
you have painting hurry say, you have ass hurry fart!
有话快说，有屁快放！HOW ARE YOU？怎么是你？HOW OLD ARE YOU？怎么老是你？*** DO CO MPUTER！操作电脑.blue whose and whose 不入虎穴，焉得虎子
Save water. Shower with your girlfriend.要节约用水，尽量和女友一起洗澡Love the neighbor. But don't get caught. 要用心去爱你的邻居，不过不要让她的老公知道
"Your future depends on your dreams." So go to sleep. “现在的梦想决定着你的将来”，所以还是再睡一会吧。
"Hard work never killed anybody." But why take the risk? “努力工作不会导致死亡！”不过我不会用自己去证明。
"Work fascinates me." I can look at it for hours! " “工作好有意思耶！”尤其是看着别人工作。
The more you learn, the more you know, The more you know, the More you forget. Th e more you forget, the less you know. So why bother To learn. 学的越多，知道的越多，知道的越多，忘记的越多，忘记的越多，知道的越少，为什么学来着？！
No matter three seven tweenty-one. 不管三七二十一
TRY TRY SEE 试试看
hit fire machine 打火机
一位学生在美国加州目睹了一起交通事故，由于好奇，一直没有离开，警察来了以后问他知不知道事情的经过。 HE said ：one car come one car go two car peng peng one man die
一个小强去看电影，到了电影售票处，发现一个老外和售票小姐连说带比得好半天，就自告奋勇的上前做翻译，售票小姐说：麻烦你告诉她，现在坐票售完了只剩下站票，如果要看要站着看。小强转头就对老外说：No Sit see, Stand see. If see stand see.老外回答说：sorry i don’t understand your English.小强就对售票小姐说：哦，他说他不懂英文
优秀高中英语演讲稿
I have a dream
Everyone has his own dream. When I was a little kid , my dream was even to have a candy shop of my own .But now ,when I am 16 years old ,standing here ,my dreams have already changed a lot.
I have got quite different experience from other girls. While they were playing toys at home, while they were dreaming to be the princesses in the story .I was running in the hard rain, jumping in the heavy snow, pitching in the strong wind. Nothing could stop me ,because of a wonderful call from my heart -- to be an athlete. Yeah ,of course ,I'm an athlete, I'm so proud of that all the time .
When I was 10 years old ,I became a shot-put athlete. The training was really hard ,I couldn't bear the heavy shot in my hands .But I always believe that "God only help those who help themselves". During those hard days, I find I was growing more quickly than others of the same age. To be an athlete is my most correct choice. But, I quite like my team after entering high school because of a silly excuse. I really didn't want to stop my sports career anyway.
Today I say to you my friends that even though I must face the difficulties of yesterday ,today and tomorrow .I still have a dream .It is a dream deeply rooted in my soul.
I have a dream that one day, I can run, jump and pitch just like I used to be.
I have a dream that one day, I can go back to my dream sports and join the national team.
I have a dream that one day ,I can stand on the highest place at the Olympic games. With all the cameras pointing at me. I will tell everyone that I'm so proud to be a Chinese athlete!
This is my hope .This is the faith that I continue my steps with!!!
With this faith, I will live though the strong wind and heavy rain ,never give up !
So let victory ring from my heart, from all of you. When we allow victory to ring .I must be the one!
In my imagination, I'm a bird ,a magical bird. I carry my dreams all with me by my big wings. I fly though the mountains ,though the forests ,over the sea, to the sun ,the warmest place in the aerospace!
Every night ,I have a dream ,I see a girl ---smiling~
That’s all thank you!
Love and Take care of Nature
Mother Nature is an exquisite and complex life-system. It's charm appears in the trees, stream, soil, insects, moss and fungus, all the things on the earth in different shapes, which are interdependent. When you get close to nature, please remember, each tree, stone and species of animals here has lived harmoniously for hundreds, thousands or even millions of years. When we pass away, they will continue to live. They are the real masters, while we are just the passer-by. However, the conduct we unconsciously do, such as picking, lumbering, tramping and abusing can probably destroy the balance of their life. Therefore, we must reduce our bad influence as much as possible. While you are enjoying the nature, do not forget please, the beauty of the lives also needs to be concerned with and to be protected.
Each life on the earth has a long and touching evolutionary story. From the origin, the lives of the human being are equal to those of others; they both are the composing parts of Mother Nature. Nevertheless, for some inexplicable reasons, the human becomes the spirits of all creatures. Of course, it is the result of the evolution, but still we should be grateful to all our companions in nature for the opportunity they offer. In spite of this, humans cannot live without earth. They live on the earth, drink the sweet water, and enjoy the sunshine, the air, the sky, the fruit; the grains utilize the energy and so on. In a word, the human being cannot live without nature, and Mother Nature makes us grow stronger.
I do not like the word "Pet", but preferring the word "Animal" instead. I have been loving animal since I was just a little boy. When thinking of the "Pet Fashion", I always
feel much annoyed. For the animals will be given a shackle and lose their liberty if they become someone's pets. Their natural attribution can be deprived, too.
Up to now, relying on their scientific power, the human have opened up too much and over developed nature, in order to fill up their growing appetites of wealth. They destroy the balance of nature, however, they don't realize, their own development and existence will be threatened. Therefore, our sights should be focused on nature and we should try to develop the concept of "keeping human and nature in unity". We should lay emphasis on our education with consider cultural and natural emotion. To use the vivid example to wake up the conscience in people's hearts.
To love nature is to love our mankind. As the new generation who enter the new century, we should make efforts to love and respect nature, to treat it well and protect it. At last, we have the night to enjoy it.
That’s all thank you!
My future
Ladies and Gentlemen, Good morning! My name is Su Chang, I come from Zhenjiang Foreign Language School. I’m very glad to stand here and give you a speech.
Man’s life is a process of growing up, actually I’m standing here is a growth. If a person’s life must constituted by various choices, then I grow up along with these choices. As you know I come here, now I wonder what the future holds for me. When I come to this school, I told to myself: this my near future, all starts here. Following I will learn to become a man, a integrated man, who has a fine body, can take on important task, has independent thought, an open mind, intensive thought, has the ability to judge right and wrong, has a perfect job.
Once my teacher said :” you are not sewing, you are stylist; never forget which you should lay out to people is your thought, not craft.” I will put my personality with my interest and ability into my study, during these process I will combine learning with doing. If I can achieve this “future”, think that I really grow up. And I deeply believe kindred, good-fellowship and love will perfection and happy in the future.
How to say future? Maybe it’s a nice wish. Lets make up our min ds, stick to it and surely well enjoy our life.
That’s all, thank you!
有关经典英语小笑话爆笑-20个英语笑话爆笑超短
有关经典英语小笑话爆笑|20个英语笑话爆笑超短 笑话作为一种城市化的民间口头创作体裁,是一种重要的交际手段。笑话带来的幽默感可以让我们交到更多的朋友。小编分享有关爆笑经典英语小笑话，希望可以帮助大家! 有关爆笑经典英语小笑话：Good News and Bad News The soldiers had been marching and fighting, they were dirty, hot and tired. One day, the general announced: “My men, I have some good news and some bad news for you. Which one would you like first?” ”The good news!” they all shouted. ”OK,” said the General. “The good news is that you will each be receiving a complete change of clothing.” ”Hurrah!” chorused the soldiers. ”And now for the bad news. Jack, you will change with John. John, you will change with Tom. Tom, you will change with Robert. Robert .... 好消息和坏消息 士兵们连续的行军，作战，他们又累又热又脏。一天，将军宣布： “士兵们，我有一些好消息和坏消息要告诉你们。你们愿意先听哪个呢?” “好消息!”他们嚷道。 “好吧，”将军说，“好消息就是你们每个人都可以彻底的换一身 衣服。” “乌拉!”士兵们高兴地大叫起来。 “现在呢，该是坏消息了。杰克，你将和约翰换衣服，约翰，你和汤姆 换，汤姆，你和罗伯特换，罗伯特……”有关爆笑经典英语小笑话：Help! Doctor! Help! Doctor! Please come quickly! ”My ten-year-old son has just swallowed a pen!” ”Ok , I’ll be right there. I’ll be there in 10 to 20 minutes.” ”Good,but....what am I supposed to do in the meantime?” ”Just use another pen!” 急诊 “唉!医生!你赶快来! 我那个十岁的小孩刚刚吞下去一支笔!” “喔!我马上过去，大概十分钟或二十分钟就会到了!” ”是，不过在.....在这个中间我该怎么办呢?” “用别的笔嘛!”有关爆笑经典英语小笑话：Do What You Can Originally in English In a courtroom, the judge sentenced a criminal to thirty years in prison and the prisoner said, “But Sir, I won’t live that long!” So the judge replied, “Don’t worry; just do what you can!” 尽力而为就好 在法庭上，法官宣判某个罪犯要服三十年徒刑。 犯人说：「不过庭上，我活不了那么久啊!」 法官说：「别担心!你尽力而为就好。」
短篇英语笑话10则带翻译
短篇英语笑话10则带翻译 ①Goldfish金鱼 Stan: I won 92 goldfish. Fred: Where are you going to keep them? Stan: In the bathroom 。 Fred: But what will you do when you want to take a bath? Stan: Blindfold（蒙眼睛）them! =================================================================== 斯丹：我赢了92 条金鱼。 弗雷德：你想在哪儿养它们？ 斯丹：浴室。 弗雷德：但是你想洗澡时怎么办？ 斯丹：蒙住它们的眼睛！ ②The Revenge 欺骗的代价 Old Farmer Johnson was dying. The family was standing around his bed. With a low voice he said to his wife: "When I'm dead I want you to marry farmer Jones." Wife: "No, I can't marry anyone after you." Johnson: "But I want you to." Wife: "But why?" Johnson: "Jones once cheated me in a horse deal!" =================================================================== 老农约翰逊就要死了。他的家人都站在床边。他声音低沉地对妻子说：“我死后，我想你嫁给农夫琼斯。” 妻子说：“不，在你死后，我不能嫁给任何人。” 约翰逊：“但我希望你这么做。” 妻子：“为什么？” 约翰逊：“因为琼斯曾在一笔贩马的交易中欺骗了我。” ③I think that I'm a chicken 我想我是一只鸡 Psychiatrist: What's your problem? Patient: I think I'm a chicken. Psychiatrist: How long has this been going on? Patient: Ever since I was an egg! =================================================================== 精神病医师：你哪里不舒服？ 病人：我认为我是一只鸡。 精神病医师：这种情况从什么时候开始的？ 病人：从我还是一只蛋的时候开始。 ④How do I get the gum out我怎么把口香糖取出来 Distributing chewing gum to the passengers, the stewardess explained it was to keep their ears from popping. When the plane landed, one of the passengers rushed up to her and said, "I'm meeting my wife right away. How do I get the gum out from my ears?" =================================================================== 当空中小姐给乘客们发口香糖的时候，她解释说口香糖有助于他们防止耳鸣。飞机着陆后，一位乘客跑到这位空中小姐面前，说道：“ 我马上就要见到我妻子了。我怎么才能把口香糖从耳朵里面取出来呢？”
英语小笑话(带翻译)).
1 Boy: Is this seat empty? Girl: Yes and this one will be if you sit down. 男孩：这个座位是空的么？ 女孩：是的，如果你坐下，我的座位也将是空的。 2，Boy: Can I buy you a drink? Girl: Actually I'd rather have the money. 男孩：我可以给你买杯饮料吗？ 女孩：你不如直接把钱给我得了。 3. My little dog can't read Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog! Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers! Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read. 我的狗不识字 布朗夫人：哦， 亲爱的，我把珍爱的小狗给丢了！ 史密斯夫人：可是你该在报纸上登广告啊！ 布朗夫人：没有用的，我的小狗不认识字。” 4. 反正我太太明天会来换的 My Wife Will Exchange Them A gentleman walks into a store and asked for a pair of gloves. ″Cloth or leather﹖″ asked the salesperson. ″Makes no difference″replied customer. ″What color﹖″ asked the clerk. ″Any″ he responded. ″Size﹖″ ″Give me whatever you prefer″ the gentleman said slightly exasper ated. ″My wife will be back tomorrow t o exchange them.″ 反正我太太明天会来换的 一位先生走进一家商店要买副手套。 “您是要布的还是皮的？”售货员问。
关于爆笑的英语笑话大全
关于爆笑的英语笑话大全 导读：我根据大家的需要整理了一份关于《关于爆笑的英语笑话大全》的内容，具体内容：民间笑话故事像神话小说等民间文学一样，是广大劳动人民在长期的生产劳动和与自然界作斗争的过程中，以口头形式创作和传承的文学体裁。本文是关于爆笑的英语笑话，希望对大家有帮助!关于...民间笑话故事像神话小说等民间文学一样，是广大劳动人民在长期的生产劳动和与自然界作斗争的过程中，以口头形式创作和传承的文学体裁。本文是关于爆笑的英语笑话，希望对大家有帮助! 关于爆笑的英语笑话篇一 VIEWING THE PAINTING A Brit, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve frolicking in the Garden of Eden. "Look at their reserve, their calm," muses the Brit. "They must be British." "Nonsense," the Frenchman disagrees. "Theyre naked, and so beautiful. Clearly, they are French." "No clothes, no shelter," the Russian points out, "they have only an apple to eat, and theyre being told this is paradise. They are Russian." 关于爆笑的英语笑话篇二 IN THE CONFESSION BOX
经典幽默英语故事(30个)-(1)
经典幽默英语故事（50个） 要求： 1、每天阅读两篇小故事，写出故事大意，尽量理解故事里的幽默点。 2 3、开学后，请把这14页的阅读素材，装订成册，上交给各班的英语老师。老师会根据你的完成情况，给你的阅读作业打出分数。 姓名：_________ 班级：_________ 学号：_________ 成绩：_________ 第一篇 My First and My Last When George was thirty-five, he bought a small plane and learned to fly it. He soon became very good and made his plane do all kinds of tricks. George had a friend. His name was Mark. One day George offered to take Mark up in his plane. Mark thought, "I've travelled in a big plane several times, but I've never been in a small one, so I'll go." They went up, and George flew around for half an hour and did all kinds of tricks in the air. When they came down again, Mark was very glad to be back safely, and he said to his friend in a shaking voice, "Well, George, thank you very much for those two trips in your plane." Gerogy was very surprised and said, "Two trips?" "Yes, my first and my last," answered Mark. 故事大意： _______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________第二篇 First Flight Mr. Johnson had never been up in an aerophane before and he had read a lot about air accidents, so one day when a friend offered to take him for a ride in his own small phane, Mr. Johnson was
初中英语小笑话三分钟
初中英语小笑话三分钟 出差订酒店就用趣出差，单单有返现，关注微信小程序或下载APP立即领取100元返现红包 自古以来,我们中国人就有幽默的传统,而笑话作为一种流传最广的幽默形式,一直为人们喜爱。下面是我带来的初中英语小笑话，欢迎阅读! 初中英语小笑话篇一 Make a Wish 许个愿吧! Every morning on his way to work, a business man passed a house where he saw a woman beating her looy on the head with a loaf of bread. 每天早晨一位商人在上班途中都会经过一户人家，他总是看见一个女人用一条面包打她儿子的头部。 But on this particular day, he noticed that she was hitting him with a piece of chocolate cake. 但今天却比较特别，他发现她正用一块巧克力蛋糕打他的头。 Unable to restrain his curiosity, he rang the doorbell and the woman answere .
他忍不住好奇，便按了那户人家的门铃。女人听了铃声，出来开门。 "Madam, I couldn't help but notice that every day you beat your child with a loaf of bread. . . " “这位太太，每天经过这里我都忍不住会注意到你用一条面包打你儿子……” "That's true ." "那倒是不假……" "And yet today I observed that you were hitting him with a piece of chocolate cake. ', "可是今天我却看见你用一块巧克力蛋糕打他。" “Well, today's his birthday. ” “今天是他生日嘛。” 初中英语小笑话篇二 A Remarkable Talent 一位了不起的天才 "Did you know I could tell time by the piano?" asked one friend of another.
简短英文笑话超级搞笑
简短英文笑话超级搞笑 门开了之后，再用你的脚把门推开。 ′why use my elbow and foot?′“为什么要用我的肘和脚呢?′well. gosh,′ was the reply. ′you're not coming empty-hangded, are you?′“你的双手得拿礼物啊。 天哪，你总不会空着手来吧?吝啬鬼回答。 超级搞笑的简短英文笑话篇二a father of five children came home with a toy, summoned his children and asked which one of them should be given the present, "who is the most obedient(顺从的) , never talks back to mother and does everything he or she is told?" he inquired.一位有五个孩子的父亲带着一件玩具回到家里，把孩子们召集起来问这件礼物该给谁。 “谁最听话，从不和妈妈顶嘴，让干什么就干什么?他问道。 there was silence, and then a chorus(合唱，齐声) of voices: "you play with it, daddy!"大家都不吭声。 过了一会儿，孩子们异口同声地说：“爸爸，您玩吧。 超级搞笑的简短英文笑话篇三"did you sell any of your paintings at the art show?"“你的画在美术展上有卖出去吗?"no, but i am encouraged," he replied. "somebody stole one."“没有，但我还是受到了鼓励，他回答说，“有人偷走了一幅。 超级搞笑的简短英文笑话篇四having been married a long time, my
夏天两个与空调有关的笑话-趣味英语.doc
（1） Liz: Geez! Your room is like an ice-box! 莉斯：老天！你这屋简直是冰箱啊！ Terri: No, it's not! It's just comfortable. 特里：不是啊，刚刚好。 Liz: Yeah, if you're a penguin. Just look at me! Even my goose bumps have goose bumps! 莉斯：刚刚好，如果你是企鹅的话。看看我，我都起鸡皮疙瘩了！ Terri: Get outta here! I think you're exaggerating! 特里：快出去，你太夸张了！ Liz: No, I'm not. Where's the thermostat? 莉斯：我才没有呢。温度调节器在哪呢？ Terri: By the door, on the wall. 特里：门旁边，墙上。 Liz: No wonder I'm cold! This thing is set at 65?!
莉斯：怪不得我冷。你把它调到65度？！ Terri: Like I said -- perfect! 特里：就像我说的，正好！ Liz: If you live in Alaska. By the way, where's the shovel? 莉斯：如果你住在阿拉斯加才正好。哎，铲子在哪？ Terri: Why do you need a shovel? 特里：你要铲子干吗？ Liz: So I can dig us out when it starts snowing in here. 莉斯：这屋子里下雪的时候把我们俩挖出来呀。 （2） John: It's like an oven in here! You must be roasting! 约翰：这屋简直像个烤箱！你快被烤熟了吧？ Martha: Actually, I'm just comfortable. 玛撒：实际上，我感觉刚好。 John: You've got to be kidding me. It has to be over 95 degrees in here!
经典英语笑话故事大全
经典英语笑话故事大全 Four Catholic ladies were having coffee. The first Catholic woman tells her friends "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him "Father." The second Catholic woman chirps, "My son is a bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people call him, "Your Grace." The third Catholic mother says, "My son is a cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, "Your Eminence." Since the fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence, the first three women give her this subtle, "Well?" So she replies, "My son is a gorgeous, 6' 2", hard-bodied dancer. When he walks into a room, people say, "Oh my God!" A drunken man staggered into a Catholic church, sat down in the Confessional and said nothing. The priest is waiting and waiting and waiting. The priest coughs to attract the drunk man's attention, but still the man says nothing. The priest then knocks on the wall three times in a final attempt to get the man to speak. Finally the drunk replies, "No use knockin,' pal. There's no paper." As the storm raged, the captain realized his ship was sinking fast. He called out, "Anyone here know how to pray?" One man stepped forward. "Aye, Captain, I know how to pray." "Good," said the captain, "you pray while the rest of us put on our life jackets - we're one short." A man went to see his Rabbi and said, "Rabbi, if I give up drinking, partying all night, chasing the opposite sex and start coming to Synagogue regularly instead, will I live longer?" "No," the Rabbi replied, "It will just feel longer."
关于爆笑的英语笑话大全
关于爆笑的英语笑话大全 民间笑话故事像神话小说等民间文学一样，是广大劳动人民在长期的生产劳动和与自然界作斗争的过程中，以口头形式创作和传承的文学体裁。本文是关于爆笑的英语笑话，希望对大家有帮助! VIEWING THE PAINTING A Brit, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve frolicking in the Garden of Eden. "Look at their reserve, their calm," muses the Brit. "They must be British." "Nonsense," the Frenchman disagrees. "They're naked, and so beautiful. Clearly, they are French." "No clothes, no shelter," the Russian points out, "they have only an apple to eat, and they're being told this is paradise. They are Russian." IN THE CONFESSION BOX A drunken man staggers in to a Catholic church and sits down in a confession box and says nothing. The bewildered priest cough to attract his attention, but still the man says nothing. The priest then knocks on the wall three times in a final attempt to get the man to speak. Finally, the drunk replies, "No use knocking, there's no paper in this one either." A SMALL SERVICE ONE SUNDAY MORNING A husband and wife attend a small service at the local church one Sunday morning. The man was very moved by the preacher's sermon, so he stopped to shake the preacher's hand. Reverend, that was the best damn sermon I ever did hear!" The Reverend replied, "Oh! Why, thank you sir, but please, I'd appreciate it if you didn't use profanity in the Lord's house." "I'm sorry Reverend, but I can't help myself... it was such a damn good sermon!"
最搞笑的英语小笑话十则
最搞笑的英语小笑话十则 篇一：爆笑的经典英语小笑话 英语笑话（一） 老师在黑板上写了一句：Timeismoney.并让同学们翻译。有名学生答道：“汤姆是玛丽。”小明上英文课时跟老师说：mayIgotothetoilet? 老师说：goahead. 小明就坐了下来。过了一会儿，小明又跟老师说：mayIgotothetoilet? 老师说：goahead. 小明又坐了下来。他旁边的同学于是忍不住问：你不是跟老师说要上厕所吗？怎么不去？小明说：你没听老师说「去你个头」啊！ 英语笑话（二） 某日刘洪涛遇到外宾，上前搭话曰：Iamhongtaoliu，外宾曰：我Tm 还是方片七呢！英语笑话（三） 江青会见外宾，要求翻译要严格按她的意思翻，不许走样。外宾一见到江青，立刻拍马屁道："missJiang,youareverybeautiful."翻译照翻，江青心花怒放，嘴上还要谦虚一下：“哪里，哪里”。 翻译不敢怠慢，把江青的话翻成英文："where?where?"外宾一愣，还有这样的人，追问哪里漂亮的，干脆马屁拍到底："everywhere,everywhere." 翻译：“你到处都很漂亮。”江青更高兴了，但总是要客气一下：“不
见得，不见得”。翻译赶紧翻成英文："Youarenotallowedtosee,youarenotallowedtosee." 英语笑话（四） 话说某年某月的某一天，叁个神箭手约在一起比箭，目标是十尺外仆人头上的苹果。A神箭手挽弓长射，咻一声，利箭正中苹果。A高傲的昂起下巴，比出一根大拇指道：「IAm后羿！」 b神箭手照本宣科，射中苹果，这回他自大的喊了一句：「IAm丘比特！」 轮到c了，他也挽弓，利箭射出！结果正中仆人的心脏。就听他结结巴巴好久才吐出一句：「I...I...I...Am...soRRY...」 英语笑话（五） 某人刻苦学习英语，终有小成。一日上街不慎与一老外相撞，忙说：Iamsorry.老外应道：Iamsorrytoo. 某人听后又道：Iamsorrythree. 老外不解，问：whatareyousorryfor? 某人无奈，道：Iamsorryfive. 英语笑话（六） 一位来自日本的旅客，坐出租车去机场的路上，看到一辆汽车经过，就说：“oh，ToKoTA！madeinJapan!Itisveryfast！”又有一辆经过，他又说：“oh，nIssAn！madeinJapan!Itisveryfast！”司机有点不高兴，觉得他太吵了！当第三辆经过时，他还是说：“oh，honDA！madeinJapan!Itisveryfast！”
最新有关笑话的英语怎么说
【篇一】笑话的英语怎么说 笑话的英文： joke jest jape 参考例句： A rum joke 拙劣的笑话 A vulgar gesture,suggestion,joke 下流的手势、示意、笑话. She's fond of jesting 她喜欢讲笑话。 He has a wide repertoire of dirty jokes. 他一肚子下流笑话. She savoured the joke with relish. 她对这个笑话很感兴趣. A prudish refusal to enjoy rude jokes 拘谨得听不得粗俗的笑话. The rapid-fire jokes of a comedian 喜剧演员连续说出的笑话. They groaned at his dirty joke. 他们对他下流的笑话发出不满之声。
The speaker played to the gallery by indulging in vulgar jokes. 为了哗众取宠，那位演讲者大讲粗俗笑话。 He just roared when he heard that joke! 他听了那笑话就哈哈地笑起来. 【篇二】笑话的英语表达 1.(引人发笑的故事, 笑料) joke; jest; jape 2.(耻笑; 讥笑) laugh at; ridicule; howl; sneer at 例句： Her , offers to help ? that is a laugh ! 她，主动帮她忙?简直是笑话! I was tickled to death at the joke . 听了那笑话，我的肚皮都笑破了。 I was?greatly tickled at the joke . 想起这个笑话感到有趣得了不得。 I slipped a few jokes into the speech . 我在讲话中巧妙地加了几句笑话。 Tell us a joke to liven things up . 你说个笑话让大伙儿热闹热闹吧。 The conversation was enlivened with jokes . 笑话使谈话变得活泼。 I thought his jokes were in very poor taste . 我认为他讲的笑话太粗俗了。
10个经典英语笑话(带中文对照)
10个经典英语笑话(带中文对照).txt如果青春的时光在闲散中度过，那么回忆岁月将是一场凄凉的悲剧。杂草多的地方庄稼少，空话多的地方智慧少。即使路上没有花朵，我仍可以欣赏荒芜。Jack feell off his bicycle and got hurt. A beautiful young nurse asked him to fill forms. Jack finished them and gave them back."Anything else" The nurse asked. "Yes,"Jack thinks for a while and said,"I'm a bachelor."杰克骑车摔伤,得住院治疗.一位年轻美貌的护士拿着表格让填.仞杰克填好递上表格"还有什么漏填的"护士问. "有!"杰克想了想说,"我是个单身汉."Wife:You to te statistics on thepaper,80% of those who have died of liver cancer have drunk :It's okey. To my investigation,all Thespeopleeat meals.妻子:你看这张报纸,据统计,死于肝癌的人80%都是喝酒的.丈夫:那有什么据我调查,死予肝癌的人100%都吃饭的."Excuse me,but the seat you've taken is mine.""YoursCan you prove it""Yes,I put a cup of ice cream on it.""请原谅,你占了我的位置.""你的位置你能征明这点吗""能,我在位置上放了杯冰激凌."One day,Eve asked Adam,"Doyou really love me"Adam said helplessly,"Do I have any other choice"一天,夏娃问亚当:"你当真爱我吗"亚当无可奈何地回答:"我还有的选择吗"Always Thirsty"I had an operation," said a man to his friend, "and the doctor left a sponge in me.""That"s terrible!" said the friend. "Got any pain""No, but I am always thirsty!"总感到口渴一个男人对他的朋友说：“我动了一次手术，手术后医生把一块海绵忘在我的身体里了。”“真是太糟糕了！”朋友说道：“你觉得疼吗”“不疼，可是我总感到口渴。”A Useful WayFather: Jack, why do you drink so much waterJack: I have just had an apple, : What"s that got to do with itJack: I forgot to wash the apple.一个有效的方法爸爸：杰克，你干嘛喝这么多水呀杰克：我刚才吃了个苹果，爸爸。爸爸：可是这跟喝水有什么关系呢杰克：我忘了洗苹果呀。A PresentKate: Mom, do you know what I"m going to give you for your birthdayMom: No, Honey, whatKate: A nice : But I"ve got a nice : No, you haven"t. I"ve just dropped it.凯特的礼物凯特：妈妈，你知道我要给你一件什么生日礼物吗妈妈：不知道，宝贝，是什么呀凯特：一把漂亮的茶壶。妈妈：可是我已经有一把漂亮的茶壶了呀。凯特：不，你没有了。我刚刚把它给摔了。The Doctor Knows BetterA man was hit by a cab in the street. He was brought to the wife who was standing up by his bed, said to the doctor: "I think that he is very ill.""I am afraid that he is dead." said the this, the man moved his head and said: "I"m not dead. I"m still alive.""Be quiet, " said the wife. "the doctor knows better than you!"医生懂得多一个男人在街上被出租车撞倒送进了医院。他的妻子站在他的床前对医生说：“我想他伤得很厉害。”医生说：“恐怕他已经死了。”听到医生的话，这个男人转动着头说：“我没死，我还活着。”妻子说：“安静，医生比你懂得多。”Waste or SaveFather: Oh, Jack, you have slept away the whole morning. Don"t you know you are wasting timeJack: Yes, Dad. But I"ve saved you a meal, haven" I 浪费还是节约父亲：噢，杰克，你又睡了一上午。难道你不知道你这是在浪费时间吗杰克：我知道，爸爸。可我还给您节省了一顿饭呢，是不是Why Is He HowlingDentist: Please stop howling. I haven"t even touched your tooth : I know, but you are standing on my foot!他为什么喊牙医：请你不要再喊了！我还没碰你的牙呢。病人：我知道，可是你正踩着我的脚呀！
适合高中生的英文笑话
1. The Reason of Being Late Teacher: Johnny, why are you late for school every morning? Johnny: Every time I come to the corner, a guidepost says, 'School -- Go Slow'. 2. Does He Bite Reggie: We have got a new dog. Would you like to come around and play with him? Ron: Well, I don't know---does he bite? Reggie: That's what I want to find out. 3. Sharing the Apples Harry was given two apples, a small one and a large one, by his Mum. Share them with your sister, she said. So Harry gave the small one to his little sister and started touching into the large one. His sister said, If Mum had given them to me I'd have given you the large one and had the small one myself. Well, said Harry, that's what you've got, so what are you worrying about? 4. Stupid Question Dan was the doorman of a club in a big city. Everyday, thousands of people passed his door, and a lot of them stopped and asked him, "What's the time, please?" After a few months, Dan said to himself, "I'm not going to answer all those stupid people any more. I'm going to buy a big clock and put it upon the wall here." Then he did so. “Now people aren't going to stop and ask me the time," he thought happily. But after that, a lot of people stopped, looked at the clock and then asked Dan, "Is that clock right?” 5. The Choice of Word One day, John was back home after work. He found that his wife was shaking their daughter who was only half a year old. She said "Da-Dy" to the baby many times. John felt very happy because he thought his wife chose the word "Dady" to teach their baby. During one night several weeks later, John and his wife were waken up by the cry "Dady". His wife said to him, "Darling, she is calling you." Then she turned to sleep. 6. A Girl's Name When our daughter was born, we named her Myles, after my beloved late（已故的） father, despite family warning that the name was too masculine（男性的） . Years later, when I felt she was old enough to understand, I explained to Myles,