【雅思作文批改】雅思写作批改下来只有3.5分!!!
【雅思作文批改】雅思写作批改下来只有3.5分！！！
雅思作文是雅思考试中比较难得分的部分，很多雅思考生在雅思作文上都很头疼，怎么都拿不到好的雅思作文分数，所以大家掌握一些雅思作文模板、雅思作文技巧是非常重要的。为了让大家快速的提高雅思写作成绩，这里跟大家分享关于“【汇总】晟睿教育原创板块：雅思作文批改|雅思作文范文“的相关内容，希望大家耐心的复习，认真的准备，好好总结，到时你会发现，其实要取得雅思作文高分并没有想象中的那么难！更多雅思作文批改请关注晟睿教育-雅思作文批改栏目!
雅思作文题目：剑桥5 Test1小作文
The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
考生原文
As can be seen from the graph, Japan, Sweden and the USA all should different trends with various degrees. The starting figure of Japan, Sweden and the USA were approximately 5%, 7%and 9%
respectively. In terms of Japan, the percentage of old people decreased slightly to 1960, before leveling off (at 20%) , then it grew to around 8%. In contrast, the figure of USA rose with ups and downs, while a more dramatic rise was seen in Sweden
After 2020, it is predicted that the two decades will witness a soar in the proportion of the old in Japan to over 25%, which will exceed the other two countries (25% in the Sweden and 23% in the USA).
In conclusion, the rate in Japan is forecast to grow dramatically, compared with the other two countries.
批改 by 令狐
本次批改严格按照IELTS小作文评分标准进行。IELTS小作文评分项：
TA (内容的完整性), CC (连贯性及一致性), GRA (语法范围及精准度), LR (词汇资源)。
文末会进行总评及打分。
总评分3.5分（TA 5.0 CC5.0 LR5.0 GRA5.5 Under-length -1.5）
令狐老师评价：
字数严重不足，倒扣分。
逻辑分段不够清晰，给读者头重脚轻，十分不不均的感觉，以后可试着将数据按照中比重分段。
词汇使用基本准确，但拼写错误很多，我批改时顺手更正了，但依旧需要同学注意。
表达及语法使用基本准确，但缺乏句式变化。建议练习使用不同类型的主语。
内容上达标，但描写元素过于单调（只描写了上升下降）。建议练习动态图其他特征描写（如极致，交叉点）。
数据表达手段单一，建议进行数据之间的比较。
链接手段有效，但相对单一。
文章分层依据不明确，需要整体趋势总述句。
雅思写作不同于学校中所学的英语写作，雅思考试是一种针对全方位英语能力的水平考试。对于雅思写作基础薄弱的同学来说，想要靠自学考到雅思7.0真的需要很大的毅力，若是失败的话，浪费时间，浪费报名费不说，还有可能错过了入学最佳时机，小编在这能给你的建议就是：快快关注我们下方的微信公众号吧，晟睿教育的老师们会时不时推送一些雅思作文模板给到大家的。对于雅思基础不错的同学来说，想要得到雅思写作高分也是一个不小的挑战，多看一些雅思作文批改|雅思作文范文对烤鸭们来说总是好的！
雅思7分大作文范文批改和解析
雅思7分大作文范文批改和解析 距离雅思写作7分你大概还有3个步骤要走，是的，不是谁都可以轻轻松松活动雅思高分的。今天给大家带来了雅思7分大作范文批改和解析,希望能够帮助到大家，一起来学习吧。 雅思7分大作范文批改和解析 雅思写作提高第一步：结构(5.0 - 5.5) 问题：出国留学的优点(the advantages of disadvantages of study abroad) 同学：One reason for those who decide to go overseas to get a higher degree is that they believe they can get better education in certain fields. That is to say, different universities in different countries have their specialized courses and rich resources can be provided according to their needs and requirements. Another reason is that they can learn a foreign language in a more efficient way. There is no denying that living in an all-round English environment and being affected by local culture make people quick learners. 解析：出国留学和高学历完全是两回事(出去读初中和高中都算出国);出国就是better education，在国内就不是better? 出
雅思写作批改 (18)
Public museums are no longer important because people can see the historical objects and artworks on the computer. To what extent do you agree or disagree? （250words，within 40min） Traditionally, we usually need to travel a long time to a museum just to view several historical objects as well as artworks, but now, some people, however, suggest that museums are not that significant as we are able to search almost all the details of ones if we like. In my opinion, public museums will not remain as a critical role in our lives. Admittedly, it would be of more inconvenience when we have to go to a certain museum to see some objects rather than searching it on the Internet.For one thing, most of the information online is always free and easy to access but if we are required to one museum we have to pay for the transportation fee, the ticket, even a meal near a museum. For another, it might also be a pity if some of the object would not be exhibit all of the time so it is normal to meeta condition that you could not even take a look at one that you really like. Internet, though, never facing this problem so you can view it any time you want. For those organizations who run the museum such as governments, it is costly to open museums as well as exhibiting and protecting all the time. (时间到)They are supposed to protect the historical object and artwork which always worth several millions of dollars for that reason they not only have to employ some super professional security guard in high salariesbut also buy some high tech machine to spy themand it is really a waste of money. What’s worse, if
雅思大作文批改之increase of anti-social behavior and a lack of respect to others的cause和solution
You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: There is a general increase of anti-social behavior and a lack of respect to others. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? Write at least 250 words. [There is an unfortunate phenomenon that an increasing number of people tend to behave like antisocialists with little respect to others. There are a multitude of reasons involved in this phenomenon that should be deeply analyzed in order to put forward effective solutions to reserve the trend. ] This undesirable fact is actually a result of mixed reasons. Chief among the causes of this trend is the poverty-stricken life as well as the unfulfilled ambition, which are due to the deficiency of resources themself and the unfairness of society. Consequently, tortured by the long-term impoverishment and frustration, these citizens are apt to transform the pessimistic motion into the accumulating complaints and dissatisfactions towards society. Another contributing factor lies in the apathy and numbness of our society, which has a detrimental effect on intercommunication. The situation is deteriorating with those civilians who pursuit[ at] profits and money blindly, which might lead to the ignorance and disrespect to others. In most cases, the citizens in question are probably treated in this way for a period of time, let alone showing respect to other people. It is, therefore, imperative for measures to be taken to reserve this trend. On one hand, the citizens ought to strive to improve their own lives by mastering a specific skill. In addition, those who fail to fulfill the ambition are supposed to get a clear perspective of what they are hoping to do and how to achieve it instead of endless blaming. On the other hand, it is the responsibility of the authority to narrow the gap between the rich and the poor. Furthermore, the government is obligated to give financial support to the construction of spiritual life of common people. To conclude, there is certain inevitability in this problem owing to civilians’
雅思5分 剑桥7 Test1 小作文范文
雅思5分剑桥7 Test1 小作文范文 学生原文： The graph shows the total number of fish and different kinds of meat in a European country from 1979 to 2004. In this graph, we can see the consumption of chicken experienced a erratic rise of almost 100 Grans per person per week during 25 years. Then, the consumption of fish always rank the last. And the consumption of the Lamp underwent a erratic decline from 1976 to 2004. In the spite of the fact that from 1979 to 1984 withnessed a wild fluctuation rise in consumption of Beef, when it experienced a sharply decline over last 20 years. While the consumption of chicken underwent a erratic rise from 1979 to 2004. After that, the consumption of fish almost remain the same level at 50 grans per person per week in 25 years. And subsequently, the comsuption of lamb showed a moderate decline, dropping by almost 50 Grans per person per week in 25 years, and the consumption of chicken surpassed it in the early 5 years.
雅思作文批改---经典版 (3)
Some people think that robots are very important to human’s future development. Others thought that they are dangerous and have negative effects on the society. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of the robots. The pros and cons of technology development have long attracted considerable public attention for they are closely connected with human life. Some people argue that robotic technology can be very harmful and has the potential to destroy social stability. However, sound and attractive as their arguments may seem, I am still convince that there are more advantages than disadvantages of robots. With the assistance of robots, one can enjoy a more convenient life thus will have more time to accompany his family. For example, if robots can help mothers with gardening and laundry, they will have more time to spend with their kids, which is essential for the mental and physical development of children as well as the harmoness of the family. Healthy family relationship will undoubtly result in a better society eventually, then all of us should thank for the robot. Moreover, the significance of robots is also because they are important supplement or substitution of human labor. For some dangerous job, such as deep well mining and electric work, using robots instead of human will improve the safety rate and efficiency substancially without causing any injury. People who relase from the high pressure of dangerous work can enjoy a better life. However, it is also true to some extent that robots can influent the society in a negative way. For example, crime may become easier and more frequently with the help of high technology; and the substitution of human labor may result in the increasing of unemployment and extend to the decline of economy. However, these problems can be solved by education. A proper education means that people will obtain more useful skills and knowledge. It also means that they will become more reliable people who can take responsibility for the society, and these purpose, excitingly, can be achieved in an earlier day with the help of robots. To sum up, robots can help human enjoy a more convenient and safer life. They may have negative effects but we can always fix the problems by education. 总点评：
雅思大作文批改范例4
Some people think government should pay for public libraries in every town, while others think itis a waste of money because people can access information from the internet. Discuss both viewsand give your own opinion. It is argued that government should invest more money in public libraries; the other people believe that we can search the information from the internet, so government should not cost money in public libraries. I agree with this idea. Surfing on the internet is the fashion way to search information in modern life, there are a lot of people use computer or mobile phone to find some information on the internet. It is because people believe that internet is the most convenient platform to find the key. People can get all the information they want effectively, rather than go to the library cost a large amount of time to read book. On the other handthe books in libraries are though many times of check and reserve, that can ensure the authority of every book. So some people would like to go to library to read the book and find the truth. Especially in medical book, if doctor find some information is wrong, it will affect the patient who was saved by the doctor. Considering the
慎小嶷 《十天突破雅思写作》总结2
General Knowledge 注意： 1. 作文要有实质内容。 2. 6分：260~270个词左右；6.5分：280个词以上。 3. 没有必要一定写长难句，但要提高句子的准确度和多样性。必须在对英语造句知识准确理解和把握的基础上流畅地写出复杂的长句子，而不是刻意、机械地拉长句子。（准确、严密、多样、清晰） 4. 对于零星出现的少量拼写错误，只要不引起歧义，是不会导致严重扣分的，但要努力减少作文里出现拼写错误的可能。 5. 考场里没有时间打草稿，但可以在印考题的试题纸上把看到题目后头脑里闪现出的ideas、考前准备的相关加分词汇和句型大致记录一下。 6. 当考官要求停笔时即使还没有写完也一定要停下来，否则会被判为违纪行为。 7. 考前练习一定要尽可能模拟实战：下载标准格式的答题纸；用铅笔写作，每行10~12个单词；严格控制时间，Task 1不应超过25 min，Task 2不应超过45 min。备考初期，可将Task 1和Task 2分开练习，但在考前一周内，必须演练完整的写作考试全程，严格控制时间，写完后再核对或请有经验的老师批改。 8.
如果Task 2准备得较为充分，有信心在40min写出一篇自己满意的议论文，那么就先完成Task 2。反之，就先写Task 1。 9. 齐头式：每段开头顶格写，每两段之间空一行 缩入式：每段开头后退3~4个字母的距离，每个段落之间不空行 10. 可使用I/we、被动语态，但不宜滥用；可将But/So放在句首 11. 7分或以上的作文对于用词的要求是准确，而不是冗长 ?Topics ?学术类写作的特殊要求 1. 不接受缩写形式 2. 不使用非正式口语表达 3. 英美拼写不能混淆 4. 用词要有特色 5. 句式不能过于短促 6. 句式不能过于干瘪 7. 感情色彩不能过于强烈
雅思6.5分 小作文范文参考
●批改By Will 本次批改严格按照ILETS小作文评分标准进行。ILETS小作文评分项：TA (内容的完整性), CC (连贯性及一致性), GRA (语法范围及精准度), LR (词汇资源)。文末会进行总评及打分。 ●文中标识： 用词不当逻辑错误语法错误修改添加 The graph provides the information concerning the average temperatures on a month basis in three major cities.(介于有两张图，都要提一下。此后可加一句：In addition, clearly demonstrated in the table are the time of sunshine on an annual base.) (补充：在下一段看到了你对于后一张图的总结，这样的话建议你在开头强调一下“the first graph”) As can be seen from the graph, there is a similar trend in terms of average monthly temperature between London and New York during the period from January to December. (可加入连接词：To be specific) The average temperature in London (介于你后面写的是两个城市的数据，这里改为：for both of the cities) gradually rises from January to July both in London and new york, reaching a peak at 25 degrees and 20 degrees respectively. After that, the following 4 months witness a dramatic decrease both in London and new york. In comparison (这里不妨分段), an opposite trend is found in Sydney. It (这是悉尼的第一句，建议写出来具体的量词至少：The temperature) keeps stable at 25 degrees from January to march, after which the average temperature undergoes a considerable descent, reaching the bottom point at approximately 15 degrees, before there is (there is 没必要了，可以去除) a steady ascent by 10 degrees. It is obvious that the table depicts the average number of hours of sunshine per year in three major cities. As we can see from the statistics, when it comes to the total annual hours of sunshine, new york ranks first, followed by Sydney ,London lies last. Specifically, people who live in new york enjoy 2,353 hours of sunshine every year, which is similar to people living in London with 2,473 hours (不是人和人像，是时间长短像，改为：which is similar to the amount of sunshine for those in London). However, only 1,180 hours of sunshine are found in London annually. 总评6.5（TA6.5 CC6.5 LR6.5 GRA7.0） 1.语法变化上从句数量可以了，分词的使用还可以多一些。偶尔试试一到两句倒装，如我在开头给你的那个。 2.趋势等词汇变化可以，试着多换换题目话题词汇，如people=residents=citizens
G类5.5分雅思大作文范文
1.作文题目 School age children and teenagers usually like to do the same things as their friends but parents often have a different idea about what their children should be doing. Should parents always decide how children spend their free time? 2.学生作文 Many school children and teenagers always do the similar stuff together, while their parents usually have different opinions about what their children should do. From my perspective, I think parents should not always decide the free time of children. To begin with, generation gap is a significant problem which happens between parents and children. It is inevitable that children will have different thoughts with their parents. Secondly, as children, they are living in a modern and developing world, which makes them change their minds frequently. However, many parents are quite reluctant to accept new ideas and technologies. Therefore, their views will be dissimilar with their children, which are really impossible to reach an agreement. At last, children prefer trying out new adventurous challenges, whereas their parents are rigid and only want stable life. So parents cannot really control and decide for their children. Furthermore, the ideas of parents are not quite always correct and sometime might mislead their children. Of course, there is no doubt that old people have more life experiences and can handle any difficult situations in most of time. However, the modern world is not as they think as it used to be, so they might under-estimate some circumstances which might have negative effects on their children. For example, most parents believe that as long as their children can obtain higher degrees from universities will definitely have better future. Contrasty, in reality, the abilities and moral standards of children are much more important than just only university degrees. In conclusion, parents should let children to create their own world and give them freedom to assign their leisure time, which might lead them to success eventually. Words: 279 3.老师批改： 文中标识： 用词不当逻辑错误语法错误修改添加 Many school children and teenagers always do the similar stuff together, while their parents usually have different opinions about what their children should do. From my perspective, I think parents should not always decide the free time of children. To begin with, generation gap is a significant problem, which happens between parents and children. It is inevitable that children will have different thoughts with from their parents. For instance, they have their own preference to choosing majors, careers or even the ways of living. (cc：这里需要给出一点他们怎么个不同，比如选未来的职业或者生活等。) Secondly, as
雅思大作文批改范例8复习课程
雅思大作文批改范例 8
精品文档 Some people think that personal happiness s directly related to economic success. Others argue that happiness depends on different factors. Discuss both views and give your own opinion What is the key to access to happiness has aroused people's interest. Some people claim that money plays a vital role in gaining happiness, while others think that there are a variety of elements constricting to it. Personally, I agree with the latter opinion. Money provides people with more opportunities to pursue happiness, because economic success can make it possible for people to enhance their quality of life. By purchasing expensive jewels, luxury house, sports car, etc. without worries of monetary pressure, wealthy person can enjoy better living standards than that of ordinary people. When financial pressure and life stress do not exist in one’s life, he or she is likely to have less worry and have rich entertainment, thereby achieving the access to happiness. Although fortune is significant to obtain happiness, there are also many other factors form important parts of eudemonia. An active lifestyle can prompt people's spiritual treasure. This means that people can receive happiness by having a healthy life, warm relatives and intimate friends. These valuable factors enable people have a positive attitude to tackle difficulties and enjoy a happy Iife. As far as I am concerned, happiness cannot always be purchased by money. Rich material life sometimes could cause negative impact on achieving happiness. It is noteworthy that numerous of wealthy people who have affluent possessions, in contrast, have often ended up in a sick lifestyle. This makes them suffer from sickness, lonely and desperation, in the light of fact that money is no guarantee of happiness. To summarize, financial success could give people an ease Iife to enjoy happiness. However, without an active lifestyle and spiritual treasure, happiness will not be sustainably maintained. 总点评： 本篇文章得分: 6.5 收集于网络，如有侵权请联系管理员删除
专业外教批改雅思作文范例
TA/TR 5 ? addresses the task only partially; the format may be inappropriate in places ? expresses a position but the development is not always clear and there may be no conclusions drawn ? presents some main ideas but these are limited and not sufficiently developed; there may be irrelevant detail CC 5 ? presents information with some organization but there may be a lack of overall progression ? makes inadequate, inaccurate or over-use of cohesive devices ?may be repetitive because of lack of referencing and substitution ? may not write in paragraphs, or paragraphing may be inadequate LR 6 ? uses an adequate range of vocabulary for the task ? attempts to use less common vocabulary but with some inaccuracy ?makes some errors in spelling and/or word formation, but they do not impede communication GRA 6 ? uses a variety of complex structures ? produces frequent error-free sentences ? has good control of grammar and punctuation but may make a few errors Score 22/5.5 Other Items Affecting Score Under length √No. of words 249 Penalty .5 Off-topic x Memorized ——Illegible ——Overall Band Score 5.5-.5=5 band range band range 9 [35-36] 4 [15-17) 8.5 [33-35) 3.5 [13-15) 8 [31-33) 3 [11-13) 7.5 [29-31) 2.5 [9-11) 7 [27-29) 2 [7-9) 6.5 [25-27) 1.5 [5-7) 6 [23-25) 1 [3-5)
雅思写作经验分享~~从6分到7.5分的漫漫长路_(3.19更新：7分作文+推介书目+自我鼓励的说话)
前言 ?出于对剑桥雅思的爱恨交加，出于对那些需要完成留学梦移民梦的人的感同身受，出于对那些在烤鸭路上屡战屡败屡败屡战的人的精神支持，出于对那些仍在迷茫、仍在盲目背单词、仍在疯狂买参考书、仍在迷恋机经的人的劝勉与鼓励，出于对网络上面所谓出售雅思写作7分资料的虚假广告的无比痛恨，出于对某些所谓名师名校培训机构的不齿不屑，出于那些迷恋习惯背诵范文依赖别人的鸭子们的真诚忠告，出于对那些急需在7月1日之前考到雅思4个7（澳洲会计毕业生，你懂的）的人的理解和帮助，出于上天对我的眷顾和怜悯，出于·········出于因为我曾经也是这么一种人，也是有这么一种经历，我决定，无偿地，毫无保留地，完整地分享我在过去三月自己总结的雅思复习计划和资料（本人曾经的弱项是写作和口语（对，是曾经，哈哈！），所以，我的资料绝大多数都是写作和口语）~~~ ?争取写一篇最全最好的雅思写作经验分享，和更多的鸭友们远离全聚德烤鸭店的火海！ 从4年前为了完成踏进悉尼大学的留学梦，到现在努力实现的澳大利亚梦，雅思成为了一个绕不开的情意结。其中走了特别多的弯路，摔了特别多的跤，失去了很多，也收获了很多。从当初的总分6.5而单科不低于6分的大学门槛到现在的A类4个7的独木桥，对于这个来自英国的―老熟人‖，可谓百般滋味在心头。雅思的备考也是一种―被烤‖，在烤鸭过程中，一不小心，有可能首先被这只鸭给烤焦了。焦虑，迷茫，急躁，失落，绝望，期待，紧张，亢奋，XX失调等所有更年期综合症状都会在备考的过程中轮番上映。 从2010年12月到2011年2月底，我一共参加了4次雅思考试(12月11日，1月22日，2月12日和2月26日)，成绩为： 12月11日：听力：7.0，阅读：6.5，写作：6.0，口语：6.0 01月22日：听力：6.5，阅读：7.0，写作：6.0，口语：7.0 02月12日：听力：7.0，阅读：7.5，写作：6.5，口语：8.5 02月26日：听力：7.0，阅读：7.5，写作：7.5，口语：7.0 03月05日：听力：7.0，阅读：7.5，写作：7.0，口语：8.0 可以说，在过去的三个月里面，我感受过裸考过后无言以对的惶恐，体味过努力过后略有进步的喜悦，忍受着就差0.5、与目标无比接近却未能接近的失落，最后，苦尽甘来。因为这次考试，至少再一次让我确信‖天道酬勤―。NO SWEAT, NO SWEET; NO PAIN, NO GAIN。