精选爆笑英语段子

I want a nightmare想做坏梦

Before the final examination, Tom told his mother, "Mom, I had a dream last night that I'd passedtoday's exam.""Don't trust dreams, dear. It is said what you experience in dreams usually turns outtobetheopposite."Motherreplied."ThenIdohopeI'llfailtheothersubjectsinmydream tonight," Tom said.

在期末考试之前，xx告诉他的母亲：

“妈妈，我昨天晚上做了一个梦，梦见我通过了今天的考试。”“不要相信梦，亲爱的。据说梦中的经历通常与现实相反。”妈妈答道。“那么，我真希望在今晚的梦中，我的其他功课都不及格。”汤姆说。

Littlebrother:

Isawyoukissmyeldersister,andifyoudon'tgivemeanickelI'lltellmyfather.Sister's boyfriend:

No, don't do that. Here's a nickel.Little brother:

That makes a buck and aquarter I've made this month.

弟弟：

我看见你亲我姐姐了，如果你不给我五分钱，我就告诉我爸。姐姐的男朋友：

不要那样做。给你五分钱。弟弟：

我这个月已经赚了一块两毛五了。

Lucky Mother幸运的母亲

一位年轻的母亲认为，世界上还有许多受饥饿的人，浪费食物真不应该。有天晚上，在安排幼小的女儿睡觉之前，她给女儿喂夜宵。她先给她一片新鲜的黑面包和黄油，但孩子说她不喜欢这样吃。她还要一些果酱涂在面包上。母

亲看了女儿几秒钟，随即说道，露茜，当我象你一样小的时候，总是吃面包加黄油，或者面包加果酱，从来没有面包既加黄油又加果酱。

露茜看了母亲一会儿，眼中露出怜悯的神情，然后她柔声说：

您现在能跟我们生活在一起难道不感到高兴吗？

A Gentle Reminder委婉提醒

Havingbeenmarriedalongtime,myhusbandsometimesneedsagentlereminderofas pecialoccasion. On the morning of our 35th anniversary, we were sitting at the breakfast table when

Ihinted,"Honey,doyourealizethatwe'vebeensittinginthesametwoseatsforexactly35yea rs?"

Putting down the newspaper, he looked straight at me and said, "So, you want to switch seats?"婚后已久，我丈夫往往在一个特别事情上需要委婉的提醒。在我们结婚35周年纪念的早上，我们正坐在早餐桌旁，我暗示道：

“亲爱的，你意识到我们在这两个相同的座位上已坐了整整35年了吗？”

他放下报纸，眼睛直直地望着我：

“因此，你想交换座位吗？”

一分一块钱A dollar per point

A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and wentback to his desk to wait.

Once the test was over the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one ofthe students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying "A dollar per point."Thenextclasstheprofessorhandedthetestsbackout.Thisstudentgotbackhistesta nd$64change.

一天，教授正在给学生们监考。他发下试卷，然后回到讲台前等待。

考试结束了，学生们纷纷交回试卷。教授发现一张试卷上别着一张百元钞票，还有一张纸条写着：

“一分一块钱。”

第二堂课，教授把试卷都发回学生们手中。其中一个学生不但得到了试卷还得到64块钱的找零。

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