英汉翻译评析(答案)

Commentaries on the Version of “一个女人是这样衰老的”

一个女人是这样衰老的

SV： How a Woman Ages/A Woman’s Aging/A Woman Fades Thus/What causes a Woman to Grow Old/The Way in Which a woman is Aging/How a Woman Gets Old

RV: The Way Woman Withers

点评：Rhetorical Device: distillation and aesthetic hightlights of language, either Chinese or English/The successful employment of alliteration(头韵)

1．二十岁的时候，我穿着一条背心式牛仔裙在校园里走来走去，一说话就脸红。三十岁的我穿着名牌套装，坐在办公桌前，满脸冷酷地对下属说：“这么愚蠢的问题你也敢问？也不先打个草稿。”SV: At the age of twenty, I walked about on the campus, wearing a vestlike jean skirt. My face would turn red whenever I speak. After I have turned thirty, I am seated in front of a bureau, in a suit of famous brand, reproaching a subordinate coldly “ How dare you ask such a stupid question? Why didn’t you make a draft first?”

RV: At the age of twenty, wearing a jeans jumper, I moved about

on the campus, my face blushing the moment I had the inclination to make an utterance. At the age of thirty, I, wearing a famous-brand suit and a cold look, reproach my subordinate bluntly, “How can you go so far as to raise such a silly, mindless question?”

点评：Zeugma (轭式修饰法)：a figure of speech in which a single word, usually a verb or adjective, is syntactically related to two or more words, though having a different sense in relation to each. More examples:

The senator picked up his hat and his courage/She possessed two false teeth and a sympathetic heart/ He lost the game and his temper.

2．二十岁的时候，从图书馆借的是《莎士比亚全集》、《一个青年艺术家的自画像》和《尤里西斯》。三十岁之后，床头摆的是《跟庄密笈》、《ELLE》和《经理人的个人魅力》.

SV: At the age of twenty, The Collected Works of Shakespeare, The Portrait of an Artist as a Young Man, and Ulysses were borrowed from the library. After thirty, Strategy of Speculation on Stocks, ELLE and Manager’s Personal Charm were put on the bedside.

RV: At the age of twenty, I borrowed books from the library like Shakespeare’s Complete Works, A Portrait of the Artist as a

Young Man, Ulysses.After thirty, on my bedside, lie such books and magazines as The Recipe on Stocks, Elle and Manager’s Charm.点评：Syntactically（依照句法地）, aesthetic value goes to Eng-Weightness in English, which is not the case with Chinese. For example:

Gone are the days when I was young. VS. The days when I was young are gone.

Word came that bribery行贿 has sent him to prison. VS. Word that bribery has sent him to prison came.

3．二十岁的暑假，在家乡的大街上偶遇自己的暗恋对象，听说他考上了研究生，被他的进步所打击，心如刀绞，想到这辈子终于不能出色得让他看我一眼，不禁怅然泪下。三十岁之后，到处打听那里可以花钱买个MBA.

SV: At 20, during a summer holiday I encountered my beloved one on the street of my hometown. I heard he was admitted to be a graduate. I was struck by his advance. I couldn’t help shedding tears in my extreme grief. I thought that for this life I could never achieve much to let him see me in a new light. After 30, I inquire everywhere where to purchase an MBA certificate. RV: At the age of twenty, I ran into the young man whom I loved in private in the street of my hometown. Upon hearing that he had been enrolled as a graduate, I was virtually dealt a heavy

blow believing reluctantly so painful a fact that I could never do well enough to win his favor, bitter tears streaming down my cheeks. After thirty, I busy myself here and there, inquiring where I could by an MBA diploma.

点评：Aesthetically（审美地） speaking, English appreciates sentence possessing a short main clause, with many words, phrases and clauses attached to it, something like a cluster of grapes, while Chinese favors sentence structure resembling bamboo, on segment after another.

4．二十岁的时候，随时随地向人透露我的年龄，答得比问的还快。

三十岁之后，最恨别人问年龄，你要是非问不可，你猜啊。

SV: At the age of twenty, I was always ready to disclose my age on all occasions and could not wait to speak out the answer until the inquirer finished his words. After I have turned thirty, I hate any inquiry about my age. If you insist, have a guess. RV: At the age of twenty, I was so ready to reveal my age, telling people about my age frequently before they inquired. After thirty, age became almost a taboo to me. If somebody is so nosy, I respond, “Guess.”

点评：English is a language of metaphor, leaving no stone unturned in exploiting the metaphorical meaning, or rather the connotative (转义的) meaning, of very single word, while

Chinese language is heavily denotation（本义）-dependent. 5．二十岁的时候，一心想和体育系、美术系的男生约会。三十岁后，我简直认为自己当年是白痴。

SV: When in my twenties, I was only willing to date boys from sports or art department. After thirty, I even thought I had been an idiot before.

RV: At the age of twenty, I did long to date with the boys from either physical education, or the art department. After thirty, it seems so unbelievable that I once idiotically possessed that thought.

点评：Lexically（词汇地） speaking, part of the aesthetic value goes to flexible word formation in English which dwarfs Chinese 6．二十岁的时候，有书店必须逛，有书必买。三十岁之后，对书店视而不见，直接去了隔壁的美容院。

SV: At the age of twenty, I frequented the bookstores and bought whatever I found. After thirty, I ignored them and went ahead into the nearby beauty parlor（店营业室）.

RV: At the age of twenty, the bookstore was a must for me, and I was a big book buyer. While after thirty, paying no attention to the bookstore, I breeze into the beauty parlor next door. 点评：It is universally acknowledged that obscurity and abstract, occasionally creates more aesthetic value, which can

accomplish more accuracy and gracefulness.

7．二十岁的时候，老妈打电话，不等说完三句就恨不能挂了电话。

三十岁之后，一听到妈的声音就禁不住哭出声来：“妈呀，您老的所有担心现在都应验了……”

SV: At the age of twenty, when mother phones me, I am anxious to hang up immediately. After the age of thirty, on hearing mother’s voice on the phone, I cannot help crying out, “Mom, all that you worry about have come true.”

RV: At the age of twenty, while talking with my mother over the phone, I wanted to hang up before my mother had finished a few words. After thirty, the voice of Mom invariably triggers my crying, “Mom, your worries about my marriage have all come true.”

点评：Chinese expressions involve more obscurity, a sign of lavishly artistically-conceived （持有艺术的）language, while English pins（紧扣）more aesthetic value on clarity and legibility（易辨认, 易理解）, a manifestation of a language largely governed by logic.

傅雷：东方人和西方人的思想方式有基本分歧，我人重综合、重归纳重暗示、重含蓄；西方人则重分析，细微曲折、挖掘惟恐不尽，描写惟恐不周。

王力：西洋语法是硬的，没有弹性；中国语法是软的，富有弹性。中

国语法以达意为主。

杨振宁：中国的文化是模糊、朦胧及总体的方向走，而西方的文化是向准确而具体的方向走。汉语，写诗却是一个优点。

8．二十岁的时候，我真想往前冲，谁也别挡我。三十岁之后，我真想赖着不走啊，又快过年了。

SV: At the age of twenty, I dashed forward without any apprehension. In my thirties, I strive to hang on to the moment: another New Year is looming.

RV: At the age of twenty, I dashed forward without any concern for the passing days and years. In my thirties, I strive to hang on to every moment: Unfortunately, another New Year looms on the horizon.

点评：The Chinese text seems to be vague and implicit; the literal version done by my student goes like this: At the age of twenty, I dashed forward without any apprehension. In my thirties, I strive to hang on to the moment: another New Year is looming. Could you understand this literal version?// Answer: The literal version is ok. But I would make a few changes: “At the age of twenty, I dashed forward without any concern for the passing days and years. In my thirties, I strive to hang on to every moment: Unfortunately, another New Year looms on the horizon.”

9．二十岁的时候，我想出名要趁早，一个人到了三十岁还籍籍无名那还活个什么劲呀？三十岁之后，名是不指望了，只希望在四十岁的时候能象我老板一样有钱。

SV: At the age of twenty, I said, to gain fame, the earlier the better. How dull it should be one is still infamous in her thirties! In my thirties, reputation is no longer my desire.

I only have a wish to be as rich as my boss in my forties. RV: At the age of twenty, it’s better to be famous before it’s too late, I believed. What would be the spice of life for a person deserted (放弃) by fame when approaching thirty? After thirty, fame seems still beyond reach, yet being as rich as my boss at forty becomes my new dream.

点评：One of the important criteria in aesthetic judgement for English is hypotaxis(形合), while Chinese is a language of parataxis (意合); the logic syntactical relationship is self-evident. Make a comparison:

燕子去了，有再来的时候；杨柳枯了，有再青的时候；桃花谢了，有再开的时候。但是，聪明的，你告诉我，我们的日子为什么一去不复返呢？

Swallows may have gone, but there is a time of return; willow trees may have died back, but there is a time of regreening; peach blossoms may have fallen, but they will bloom again. Now,

you the wise, tell me, why should our days leave us, never to return?

10．二十岁的时候，拥挤在人头攒动的公共大巴上，吃着甜筒，挺开心。三十岁之后，看见破旧肮脏的的士都心烦，拜托！油价一跌，就去买车吧，一路开往小康。

10．SV: At the age of twenty, I felt happy squeezed in a crammed bus eating an ice-cream. After I have turned thirty,

I hate to look at the dirty, worn-out taxis. Thank goddess!

Once the oil price declines, I’’ll buy a car to myself and drive all the way to a comfortable life.

RV: At the age of twenty, I felt so contented sandwiched in a jammed bus, eating ice cream. After thirty, even the sight of a shabby and sordid (肮脏的) taxi may sicken me. Ok! When the oil price goes down, I will buy a car, drive along the road of Well-To-Do(小康的).

点评：Impersonal Subject Sentence is the pride of English language, inviting much aesthetic value, while Chinese, syntactically neglecting the employment of subject, employ few impersonal subjects.

11．二十岁的时候，打赌说我这辈子不可能土到死守在一个地方，生活在别处嘛。三十岁之后，我为了在这座城市买个满意又便宜的房子跑断了双腿。

SV: At the age of twenty, I bet there was fat chance that I should rustically live my lifetime in one place, as the saying goes, a beautiful life occurs elsewhere. In my thirties, I spare no strength running for a decent and inexpensive house in the local city.

RV: At the age of twenty, I bet that I would never reside in one city the rest of my life. I’d choose to live in different places. After thirty, I ran my feet off searching for an apartment, satisfying and cheap.

点评：A way to achieve end-weight: after-position adjectives For example: He comes into the light of every-day like a great leviathan(《圣经》中象征邪恶的)海中怪兽, 巨物) of the deep, breaking the smooth surface of accepted things, gay, serious, and sportive.

12．二十岁的时候，看小说专挑和爱情有关的情节看。三十岁之后，我在聊天室里的代号叫“不谈爱情”。

SV: At the age of twenty, I only read paragraphs about live in reading novels. At the age of 30, my name was “no speaking love”in chat-room on the Internet.

RV: At the age of twenty, while reading a novel, I abandoned my self to the chapters exclusively devoted to romance. After thirty, I dubbed myself as “No Mention of Love.”in the Internet

chat-room

点评：Careful handling of register recruit invites more aesthetic appreciation.

13．二十岁的时候，一听到名人就激动不已，就欢呼雀跃，就奋不顾身往前冲。三十岁之后，一听到名人就若有所失，就心烦意乱，就怒火中烧，就……不知道什么滋味，特别是年轻的，漂亮的，女的名人。

SV: When I was twenty, hearing the name of the famous man, I would be so exited that I could almost jump up with cheer and dashed ahead regardless of my safety. After thirty, I was indifferent, annoyed, flew into a temper and I had no feeling to hear the name of the famous man, particularly of those famous, young and pretty females who were young and pretty.

RV: At the age of twenty, upon hearing a celebrity, I would rush forward, hot-blooded, jumping for joy. After thirty, upon hearing the names of celebrities, I feel lost, vexed (恼怒) and burning with anger, especially the names of those famous females, who are young and pretty.

点评：汉语：暗示/含蓄/以达意为主/文化：模糊朦胧—》以神驭形—》衔生出写意、意境、联想、意合和文采。而英语：分析/语法是硬的/准确而具体—》以形摄神，衔生出写实、逻辑、形合、推理和归纳

14．二十岁的时候，和某个人晚上一起去看了场电影，不经意中拉了一次手，结果幸福了整整一个夏天。三十岁之后，坐在香格里拉酒店的旋转餐厅陪客户吃自主助餐，在缓缓的转动之中，莫名其妙地一阵空虚，突然间对一切感到索然无味……

SV: At the age of twenty, I went to see a film on a night with someone who casually took my hand in his palm, and this sweet happiness lingered for the whole summer. After I have turned thirty, I feel an aching void in the slow movement of the rotating restaurant, where I dine with my clients upon a buffet meal, in Shangri-La Hotel and all of a sudden I lost interest in everything.

RV: At the age of twenty, one evening, I went to see a film. In the darkness, an incidental touch of hands filled me with joy all that summer. I am thirty, sitting the rotating restaurant of Shangri-La Hotel, accompanying clients having a buffet. In the slow rotating, an indescribable emptiness, all of a sudden, seizes me, and I find everything dull and dry. 点评：Aesthetic judgement, aesthetic appreciation alone contributes little to the elegance, gracefulness and readability (可读性) of the versions, aesthetics-based application, with the macro linguistic differentiation consciousness, can accomplish much.