英语幽默小短文12篇
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各位住户：
有几点事项跟大家说明下：
1.从本月起，月平均水费改为每人15元/月，网络费改为20元。（如果实缴水费很高，会上调。）
公用的电仍为每人5元/月，因为有用电上水的太阳能且每天上水若干次，及两个卫生间，一间厅的灯。
2.暖气费前四个月600元/每房，免三月下旬的。
3.如果只有一家搬出，暖气费不会更改。
4.如果不同意开暖气，请及早另寻。。。因为这栋楼前后都没有阻挡的，冬天将非常的冷，可能水管都会冻住，楼前一片的结冰。行人的过道，物业会及时的清理。没暖气的日子，费用更高不说，安全都成问题啊。。。
5.关于房租贵的问题，我今年三月才正式出租，别家可能已经租了两年了，所以成本不一样，请见谅。（我去年租了两个月，后来学校让清房，收入可都交了暖气费3900和网络费了，嗨！）。今年本不想这样租了，在3号林迪的迫切要求下，开始了。。。（初衷想整租一家，3室2厅2卫，157平方，房租月为1800元，预付一年的租金，物业费1884元、水电网络自理。）
6.我一方面想要在两年左右收回成本，另一方面还要顶住校方和邻居的压力，尽力给大家创造一个和谐、方便、卫生的生活环境，还有做得不周到的地方，请大家见谅，及时指出。
7.咱们小区有许多的300元左右的房间，可能不会供暖，请不想开通暖气的住户尽早联系，争取十月房租到期前搬离，提前半个月给我留言，谢谢合作！！
8.取暖费下月和房租一起缴纳，一次付清，交给开发区热力公司。供暖期间退房不退取暖费，自行协商找下家承担。
9.如果跟别家比较，请顺便也比较一下这些：物业费和电梯费每月157元、太阳能的热水、洗衣的方便、2个卫生间、天然气的厨房，卫生等管理的到位，网络的初始安装和硬件投资等等。。。。
邱丽波
But the teacher cried可是老师哭了
作者：英语幽默短文 来源：英语幽默短文 文章点击数：1041
Text(正文):
The six-year-old John was terribly spoiled . His father knew it, but his grandma doted on him. He hardly left her side. And when he wanted anything, he either cried or threw a temper tantrum. Then came his first day of school, his first day away from his grandmother's loving arms.
When he came home from school his grandma met him at the door.
"Was school all right?" she asked, "Did you get along all right? did you cry?"
"Cry?" John asked. "No, I didn't cry, but the teacher did!"
可是老师哭了
六岁的约翰娇生惯养。他的父亲
知道这一点，可他的祖父母仍然宠着他。这孩子几乎寸步不离他的祖母。他想要什么不是哭，就是闹。他第一天上学才离开祖母的怀抱。
约翰放学了，他奶奶在门口接他并问道：“学校怎么样？你过的好吗？哭了没有？”
“哭？”约翰问，“不，我没哭，可老师哭了。”
The mean mans party.吝啬鬼请客
作者：英语幽默短文 来源：英语幽默短文 文章点击数：1542
Text(正文):
The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot."
"Why use my elbow and foot?"
"Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-hangded, are you?"
吝啬鬼请客
一个出了名的吝啬鬼终于决定要请一次客了。他在向一个朋友解释怎么找到他家时说：“你上到五楼，找中间那个门，然后用你的胳膊肘按门铃。门开了之后，再用你的脚把门推开。”
“为什么要用我的肘和脚呢？”
“你的双手得拿礼物啊。天哪，你总不会空着手来吧？”吝啬鬼回答。
Which woman?哪一位女人？
作者：英语幽默短文 来源：英语幽默短文 文章点击数：850
Text(正文):
One evening I drove my husband's car to the shopping mall.
On my return, I noticed that how dusty the outside of his car was and cleaned it up a bit.When I finally entered the house, I called out."The woman who loves you the
most in the world just cleaned your headlights and windshield."
My husband looked up and said, "Mom's here?"
哪一位女人？
一天晚上我开着丈夫的车去购物，
回来后发现车身沾满灰尘，于是擦洗了一阵。当我终于走进屋里时大声喊：“世界上最爱你的女人刚擦洗了你的车灯和挡风玻璃。”
我丈夫抬头看了看，说：“妈妈来了？
The doctor lives downstairs医生住在楼下
作者：英语幽默短文 来源：英语幽默短文 文章点击数：808
Text(正文):
"Doctor," she said loudly, bouncing into the room, "I want you to say frankly what's wrong with me."
He surveyed her from head to foot. "Madam," he said at length, "I've just three things to tell you. First, your weight wants reducing by nearly fifty pounds. Second, your beauty could be improved if you used about one tenth as much rouge and lipstick. And third, I'm an artist---the doctor lives downstairs."
医生住在楼下
“医生”她冲进屋后大声说道。
“我想让你坦率地说我到底得了什么病。”
他从头到脚打量打量她，然后大声说：“太太，我有三件事要对你说。第一，您的体
重需要减少大约50磅；第二，如果您要用上十分之一的胭脂和口红，您的美貌将会改变。第三，我是一位画家——医生住在楼下。”
One Engine Left只剩一个引擎
作者：英语幽默短文 来源：英语幽默短文 文章点击数：355
Text(正文):
A 747 was halfway across the Atlantic when the captain got on the loud speaker, "Attention, passengers. We have lost one of our engines, but we can certainly reach London with the three we have left. Unfortunately, we will arrive an hour late as a r
esult."
Shortly thereafter, the passengers heard the captain's voice again, "Guess what, folks. We just lost our third engine, but please be assured we can fly with only one. We will now arrive in London three hours late."
At this point, one passenger became furious. "For Pete's sake," he shouted, "If we lose another engine, we'll be up here all night!"
只剩一个引擎
一架747客机正在跨越大西洋时，喇叭里传来了机长的声音：“旅客们请注意，我们的四个引擎中有一个丢失了。但剩下的三个引擎会把我们带到伦敦的。只是我们要因此晚到一小时 。” 过了一会儿，旅客们又听到机长的声音：“各位，你们猜怎么啦 ？我们刚又掉了第三个引擎。但请你们相信好了。只有一个引擎我们也能飞，但要晚三个小时了。” 正在这时，一位乘客非常气愤地说：“看在上帝的份上，如果我们再掉一个引擎，我们就要整夜都要呆在天上了。”
Smart Housewife精明的家庭主妇
作者：英语幽默短文 来源：英语幽默短文 文章点击数：506
Text(正文):
A smart housewife was told that there was a kind of stove which would only consume half of the coal she was burning. She was very excited, and said: "That'll be terrific! Since one stove can save half of the coal, if I buy two, no coal will be needed!"
精明的家庭主妇
一位精明的家庭主妇听人说有一种炉子用起来可以比她现在用的炉子省一半的煤。她听了大为兴奋，说：“那太好了！一个炉子可以省一半的煤，那么如果我买两个炉子的话，不就可以把煤全都省下来了吗？”
Logic Reasoning逻辑推理
作者：英语幽默短文 来源：英语幽默短文 文章点击数：475
Text(正文):
A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson on logic.
"Here is the situation," she said. "a man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yellin
g for help. His wife hears the commotion, knows that he can't swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?"
A girl raised her hand and asked, "to draw out all of his savings?"
逻辑推理
小学四年
级的教师正在给学生们上一堂逻辑课。她举了这么一个例子：“有这样一种情况，一个男人在河中心的船上钓鱼，突然失去重心掉进了水里。于是他开始挣扎并喊救命。他的妻子听到了他的喊声，知道他并不会游泳，所以她就急忙跑向河岸。谁能告诉我这是为什么？” 一个女生举手答道，“是不是去取他的存款？”
[注]bank在英语中除了我们平时很熟悉的“银行”之外，还有“河岸”的意思。
Only cash and credit cards只算现金和信用卡
作者：英语幽默短文 来源：英语幽默短文 文章点击数：334
Text(正文):When a man called a motel and asked how much they charged for
a room, the clerk told him that the rates depend on room size and number of people.
" Do you take children?" the man asked.
"No, sir," replied the clerk. "Only cash and credit cards."
只算现金和信用卡
一个人打电话给一家汽车旅馆询问房租，旅馆的工作人员回答说 房租的多少取决于房间的大小和住客的人数。
“小孩儿算不算呢？”那人问道。
“不算，先生。”服务员回答，“我们只算现金和信用卡。”
Where is the father?父亲在哪儿？
作者：英语幽默短文 来源：英语幽默短文 文章点击数：505
Text(正文):Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings.
"Look," said the elder brother. "How nice these paintings are!"
"Yes," said the younger, "but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father?"
The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, "Obviously he was painting the pictures."
父亲在哪儿？
兄弟俩在看一些漂亮的油画。
“看，”哥哥说，“这些画多漂亮呀！”
“是啊，”弟弟说道，“可是在所有这些画中，只有妈妈和孩子。那爸爸去哪儿了呢？”
哥哥想了会儿，然后解释道：“很明显，他当时正在画这些画呗。”
Does the dog know the proverb, too? 狗也知道这个谚语吗？
作者：英语幽默短文 来源：英语幽默短文 文章点击数：163
Text(正文):The little boy did not like the look of the barking dog.
"It's all right," said a gentleman, "don't be afraid. Don't you know the proverb: Barking dogs don't bite?"
"Ah, yes," answered the little boy. "I know the proverb, but does the dog know the proverb, too?"
狗也知道这个谚语吗？
一个小男孩非常不喜欢狗狂叫的样子。
“没有关系，”一位先生说，“不用害怕，你知道这条谚语吗：‘吠狗不咬人。’”
“啊，我是知道，
可是狗也知道吗？”
dating 约会
作者：英语幽默短文 来源：英语幽默短文 文章点击数：199
Text(正文):When the young waitress in the café in Tom's building started waving hello everyday. Tom was flattered, for she was at least 15 years younger than he. One day she waved and beckoned to Tom again. When Tom strolled over, she asked, "Are you single?"
"Why, yes," Tom replied, smiling at her broadly.
"So is my mom," she said. "Would you like to meet her?"
约会
在汤姆工作的大楼里有一个咖啡屋，那儿总有一位小姐每天都和他打招呼。汤姆有些受宠若惊，因为这位小姐看上去至少比他年轻15岁。一天她又对汤姆招手并示意汤姆过去。于是汤姆走了过去。她问道，“您现在是单身吗？” “对，是单身，”汤姆满脸堆笑的说。 “我母亲也是，”她说，“您愿不愿意见见她？”