特别搞笑的幽默笑话集锦
特别搞笑的幽默笑话集锦
本文是关于特别搞笑的幽默笑话集锦，仅供参考，希望对您有所帮助，感谢阅读。
1、小明去苹果店买了台笔记本电脑，虽然小明会使用os系统，但美女店员是小明的菜。所以请她帮忙设定，妹子问：你的密码要设什么，小明回答:penis,妹子装作没事，只见她敲了敲键盘，接着笑了出来！小明以为自己人帅又幽默，正暗自窃喜。没想到她说：电脑提示你的penis不够长，密码被拒。
2、老小偷收了一群徒弟，眼看徒弟们各个都成了神偷，马上出师了，师父想考验他们，师傅说：“给你们一天，看谁能把我家最宝贵的东西偷到手”一天后，众徒弟交差大徒弟：“我偷了师父家名贵字画，价值连城！”二徒弟：“我偷了存折，没有它师父将成穷光蛋”三徒弟：“哈，我偷的最宝贵，师父也非常喜爱”师父：“快说偷的什么，别卖关子！”三徒弟：“师娘”师父：“尼玛！”
3、我体态丰腴，戴个眼镜，以前我短发时，同事们戏称叫韩红。后来，我蓄上了长发，同事们改叫我刘欢。我一气之下，烫卷了，同事们笑着叫我迪克牛仔。尼玛是不是我剃光头就成臧天朔了！？
4、今天刚刚到公司上班，中午和两同事一起吃饭。我说我姓杨，转头问了左边的哥们贵姓？他回答姓马！接着问另外一哥们，他回答姓牛！我们抬头看下天花板，然后继续低头吃饭了。
5、小孩:狼来啦，狼来啦！猎人赶来:狼在那？小孩:你们被我骗了吧！！哈哈。一会儿。小孩:狼来啦，狼来啦！猎人又赶来:狼在哪？小孩:哈哈！你们又被我骗了！再一会儿，狼真的来了！小孩:狼来啦，狼来啦！无人理会。小孩:狼先生你安全了，走，老太婆归你，小红帽归我！
6、小时候总喜欢跟小伙伴一起比谁尿尿尿的远，可是每次都是我输。受不了了哭着跑回家跟妈妈说，妈妈听后一大耳刮子抽过来大叫道:你一女孩子跟他们比谁尿的远？！
7、女子去韩国隆完胸回到家里，老公一边抚摸一边说道：“老婆，你是不是上当了，怎么摸起来比我女秘书隆的都硬。”女子：“瞎说？在机场的时候，我们经理还说隆的好，摸起来比她老婆的软来着。”老公：“... ...”
8、一天和女秘书出差坐列车同一包厢，我说: 现在几点？女秘书: 十点。
我: 整吗？女秘书: 大早了吧，别人都没睡呢！我: 我问是不是十点整啊？女秘书: 十一点。
9、一男人喝多回家错进猪圈，躺在母猪身边说：老婆：给我倒杯水，母猪哼了一哼，男人说，不倒就不倒呗，撒什么娇。随手一摸说：买皮衣啦，还是双排扣呢。～～
10、老夫妇去拍照，摄影师问：“您是要测光，逆光，还是全光？”大爷腼腆的说：“我是无所谓，能不能给你大妈留条裤衩？”
11、一天，一理发师把一个卖糖葫芦的揍了，到警察局警察问理发师：你为什么揍卖糖葫芦的？理发师说：我要被气炸了，我在屋里烫头发，他在外面喊“烫糊喽”！
12、某男入厠便秘，忽见一人飞奔而入，顷刻风雨交加，“哥们儿，真羡慕你呀，那么快。”“羡慕啥呀，还没来得及脱裤子呢！”
13、蝴蝶对蜜蜂说：你真够小气的，装一肚子甜言蜜语却一句都舍不得给我，蜜蜂说：哼！还说我呢，你头上顶着那么长两根天线咋不给我发微.信呢。
幽默搞笑简短句子30个,句句经典有哲理
幽默搞笑简短句子30个，句句经典有哲理 1、要么好好活着，要么赶紧去死吧。 2、上帝给你关上一扇门，总会为你在墙上留下很多开锁的电话号码。 3、琴棋书画不会，洗衣做饭嫌累。 4、他们说网络很假，我笑了，好像现实很真一样。 5、昨晚我拿你的承诺去喂狗，第二天早上发现狗死了。 6、单身并不难，难的是应付那些千方百计想让你结束单身的人。
7、等将来我有了钱的时候，我就把我讨厌的人送去最好的精神病院。 8、长的漂亮就是烦，我要是男生早就娶自己了。 9、人是怎么死的，就是被烦死的。 10、我深信，会有一个男人是为受我的折磨而来到这世上的。 11、我宁愿你抱着别的女人想我，也不愿你抱着我想别的女人。 12、我空有一身泡妞本事，可惜自己是个妞。 13、夜深人静的时候，我常常问自己，当初决定来地球，到底是对是错。
14、终于知道为什么要带口罩了，不是因为病菌而是怕遇见口臭的人。 15、我当年也是个痴情的种子，结果下了场雨……淹死了。 16、到年底一总结，发现赚到的只有年纪。 17、爱是费尽心力地全身投入，然后再百转千回地抽身而出！ 18、成功三要素：1、坚持；2、不要脸；3、坚持不要脸。你做到了么？ 19、脑袋空不要紧，关键是不要进水。 20、不要总是对我忽冷忽热，那样的话我怕感冒。
21、男人和老婆的关系再差，他和岳母的关系也是好的；女人和老公的关系再好，她和婆婆的关系也是差的。 22、昨天接到一短信，让我速把钱汇入农行一账号。我回复说：别急，我马上烧给你！ 23、哥吸烟、是因为它伤肺，不伤心。 24、忙碌是一种幸福，让我们没时间体会痛苦；奔波是一种快乐，让我们真实的感受生活；疲惫是一种享受，让我们无暇空虚。 25、有一种人只做两件事：你成功了，他妒嫉你，你失败了，他笑话你。
一句话爆笑经典语录
一句话爆笑经典语录 当你不开心的时候怎么办？来来看爆笑语录吧！一句话拯救你的不开心！下面我整理了一些爆笑经典语录，欢迎大家点击阅读! 1.男人赚钱后想和老婆离婚，男人赚不到钱老婆想和他离婚。 2．同志们：别炒股，风险太大了，还是做豆腐最安全！做硬了是豆腐干，做稀了是豆腐脑，做薄了是豆腐皮，做没了是豆浆，放臭了是臭豆腐！稳赚不亏呀。 3．如果我们追求的是幸福也就罢了，难就难在我们追求的是"比别人幸福"。 4．如果天天轰轰烈烈地生活，那么这个民族肯定发疯了。 5．若是天的安排，我承受；若是人的践踏，我抗争。 6. 点的是烟、抽的却是寂寞...... 7.房产开发商的话就像自贡的豌豆尖--丢头大。 8. 世上本来没有美女，追求的人多了自然就成了美女。。。 9.所谓按揭，就是ZF、开发商、银行一起把购房者按倒在地，一层层的揭你的皮！ 10.偷一个人的主意是剽窃，偷很多人的主意就是研究。 11.要在江湖混，最好是光棍！！ 12.大部分人一辈子只做三件事：自欺、欺人、被人欺。 13.不要和我比懒，我懒得和你比 14.唯女人与英语难过也，唯老婆与工作难找也。 15.帅有个屁用，到头来还不是被卒吃掉!
16.珍惜生活！上帝还让你活着，就肯定有他的安排! 17.如果你知道去哪儿，全世界都会为你让路~ 18.千篇一律的人生总结：1.经验：坚持到底就是胜利。2.教训：没能坚持到底。 19.水能载舟，亦能煮粥！ 20.证明自己不幸，可以找出100条理由；证明自己幸运，同样可以找出100条理由。 21.废话是人际关系的第一句。 22.流氓不可怕，就怕流氓有文化。 23.英雄不问出路，流氓不看岁数！ 24.工作的最高境界就是看着别人上班，领着别人的工资。 25男人有了钱，和谁都有缘。 26.没钱的时候，老婆兼秘书；有钱的时候，秘书兼老婆。 27.女人喜欢有安全感的男人；男人却往往被缺乏安全感的女人吸引。 28．铁饭碗的真正含义不是在一个地方有饭吃,而是一辈子到哪儿都有饭吃。 29．你不能让所有人满意,因为不是所有的人都是人! 30．试金用火，试女人用金，试男人用女人。 31．事实证明在这个世界上，感情经得起风雨，却经不起平淡；友情经得起平淡，却经不起风雨。 32．再牛b的肖邦，也弹不出老子的悲伤！经典语录出自： 33.男人胆大走四方，女人胆大不化妆。 34.心中充满爱，看天下美女都是情人。
外研版七年级下英语原文及翻译
2013新外研版七年级下英语全册课文 Module 1 Lost and found Unit2 Are they yours? The Lost and Found Office in New York City Welcome to the New York City Lost and Found Office. People often lose things when they’re travelling or when they’re in a hurry. They leave things o n planes, on trains, on buses and in taxis. That’s why there are lost and found offices at airports and stations. 欢迎来到纽约市失物招领处人们在旅行时或者是匆忙之间经常会丢弃东西。他们把东西落在飞机上、火车上、汽车上或出租车上。那就是为什么机场和车站会设有失物招领处。 The New York City Lost and Found Office is very big. Hundreds of people come here every day. They are looking for their phones, cameras, watches, computers and many other things. We usually have about two thousand mobile phones and one thousand cameras. 纽约市失物招领处非常大。每天会有上百人来到这里他们来找他们的电话机、照相机、手表、计算机和许多其他东西。我们通常大约有两千部手机和一千部照相机。 At the moment, there are also some strange things at the New York City Lost and Found Office. There are about a hundred bikes and a large boat. There are also a lot of animals. This week, there are three dogs, two ducks and a pig! Whose are they? Are they yours? We don’t know! Are you looking for fifteen kilos of sausages? They’re here too! 此时此刻，在纽约市失物招领处还有一些不同寻常的东西。那里大约有三百辆自行车和一艘大船，还有许多动物，本周有三只狗，两只鸭子和一头猪！它们是谁的？它们是你的吗？我们不知道，你正在寻找十五公斤重的香肠吗？它们在这里！ Module 2 What can you do? Unit2 I can run really fast. It’s the start of the new term and we’re choosing our new monitors. 现在是新学期的开始，我们正在选新一届的班委。 I’d like to be the class monitor. I get on well with everyone, classmates and teachers. I work very hard, and I do well at school .I’m kind and I’m always ready t o help others. I can even help teachers too. Choose me as your class monitor and I promise to help YOU! 我想当班长。我和每个人，无论同学还是老师都相处得很融洽。我学习刻苦，成绩优秀。我很善良，总乐于助人，针织还能帮老师的忙。选我做你们的班长吧，我保证会帮助你们的！ I want to be the PE monitor .I enjoy sport, and I can run really fast. I’m really fit and healthy. Just watch me in the playground between lessons! I play most ball games well. But I’m really good at football, and I play basketball in the school team. I usually get the best score in every match. Choose me for the PE monitor and you can get the best score too! 我想当体育委员。我喜欢运动，跑的很快，非常强健。就看看课件我在操场上的样子吧！大部分的球类运动我都很擅长，但是我最擅长的是足球，而且我还是学校篮球队的队员。通常，我在每场比赛都得最高分。选我做体育委员吧，你们也能取得最好的成绩. I’d like to be the cleaning monitor. I often help my mother do cleaning at home and I like a clean and tid y house. I’m sure everybody would like a clean classroom, just like home. Choose me and we can make our classroom beautiful. 我希望成为卫生委员。我在家经常帮妈妈打扫房间，我喜欢又干净又整洁的房子，我相信每个人都想要一个干干净净的教室，就像家一样。选我吧，我们可以把教室装扮的更漂亮。Module 3 Making plans Unit 2 We are going to cheer the players
经典中英文对照笑话大全
经典中英文对照笑话大全 导读：我根据大家的需要整理了一份关于《经典中英文对照笑话大全》的内容，具体内容：幽默笑话一向为人所欣赏,是广大群众所喜欢的精神食粮。下面是我带来的经典中英文对照笑话，欢迎阅读!经典中英文对照笑话篇一?After being with her a... 幽默笑话一向为人所欣赏,是广大群众所喜欢的精神食粮。下面是我带来的经典中英文对照笑话，欢迎阅读! 经典中英文对照笑话篇一 ?After being with her all evening, the man couldnt take another minute with his blind date. Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him to the phone so he would have an excuse to leave. When he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes, put on a grim expression and said, "I have some bad news. My grandfather just died. ""Thank heavens," his date replied. "If yours hadnt, mine would have had to!" 和相亲对象呆了一晚上后，男人再也受不了了。 他事先安排了个朋友给他打电话，这样他就能借故先离开了。 当他回到桌边，他垂下眼睛，装出一副阴沉的表情，说："有个不幸的消息，我的祖父刚刚去世了。"
外研版初一英语(下)词组
外研版初一英语（下）词组 Module One 1. take photos 拍照 2. wait for 等候 3. have a good time过得愉快,玩得很开心 4. a lot 非常 5. put on 穿上 6. at home 在家 7.at the moment 现在,此时 8. look at 看… 9. see you later 再见 10. good night 晚安 11. get dressed 穿衣 12. in the sun在阳光下 13. on a trip在旅行中 14. afternoon tea下午茶 Module Two 1. get ready for 为…准备好 2. write down 写下 3. cook the meal 做饭 4. make lanterns 做灯笼 5. sweep away 扫去 6. have a haircut 理发 7. go shopping 去买东西 8. at work 在工作 9. in front of 在。。。前面 10. a few 一些 11. all the year round 一年到头 12. a kind of 一种 13. lots of 许多 14. dragon dance舞龙 15. Spring Festival春节 16. paper cut剪纸 17. be interested in对。。。感兴趣 Module Three 1 .at the weekend 在周末 2.have a piano lesson 上钢琴课
3.buy some clothes 买衣服 4.listen to the music 听音乐 5.stay in bed 呆在床上 6.revise for my test 复习考试 7.get up early 早起床 8.check the email 查邮件 9.do one’s homework做家庭作业 10.have a picnic 吃野餐 11.go to a party 去参加晚会 12. look forward to doing 期待 13. take the plane/by plane 乘飞机 14.do some sightseeing/ go sightseeing 旅游,去观光 15. walk up 沿……走, 登上 16. make friends 交朋友 17. enjoy the sun and the sea 享受阳光和大海 18. lie on the beach 躺在沙滩上 19. travel around the world 周游世界 20. get (from…)to(从……)到达…… Module Four 1. in the future 未来 2. get warm 变暖 3. heavy rain 大雨 4. send ..to…by email通过邮件发送 5. strong winds 大风 6. use …to do用……做某事 7. do heavy work 做重活 8. three days a week 一周三天 9. care for/look after/take care of 照顾 Module Five 1. answer the question 回答问题 2. What’s the population of…?。。。。的人口是多少？ 3. in the east/west/south/north of…在东/西/南/北边 4. the capital of…。的首都或省会 5. on the River Thames 在泰晤士河畔 6. be famous for 因。。。而闻名 Module Six 1. be good at…擅长 2. more than 多于
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英语幽默笑话带翻译 1:A man was hit by a cab in the street. He was brought to the hospital. His wife who was standing up by his bed, said to the doctor: "I think that he is very ill." "I am afraid that he is dead." said the doctor, Hearing this, the man moved his head and said: "I'm not dead. I'm still alive." "Be quiet, "said the wife. "the doctor knows better than you!" 医生懂得多 一个男人在街上被出租车撞倒送进了医院.他的妻子站在他的床前对医生说:"我想他伤得很厉害."医生说:"我怕他已经死了."听到医生的话,这个男人转动着头说:"我没死,我还活着."妻子说:"安静,医生比你懂得多." 2:You can't go without me The bus is very crowded. A man tries to get on, but no one gives way to him. "Hey, let me get on the bus." the man shouts. "It's too crowded. You'd better take the next bus." a passenger says to him. "But you can't go without me. I'm the driver." the man says.
(完整版)外研版英语七年级下册课文.doc
Module 1 Lost and found Unit 1 Whose bag is this? Ms Li: Welcome back to school everyone! First of all, come and look in the lost and found box! There are a lot of things in it. Whose bag is this? Lingling: Oh sorry! It ’mines. Are my crayons there too? Ms Li: Are these crayons yours? Lingling: Yes, they are and this eraser too. Thank you. Ms Li: Whose tapes are these? Daming: They ’ re mine. Ms Li: Here’ s a purple wallet! Tony: It ’ s mine. Look! Here ’ s my name― Tony‖ ! Thank you. Ms Li: You’ rewelcome! Look at this nice watch. Is it yours too, Daming? Daming: No, it isn ’ t. I think it ’ s Betty’ s. Lingling: Yes, it ’ s hers. Ms Li: Everyone, please be careful with your things from now on. Daming: Here are some nice gloves. Whose gloves are they? Ms Li: Let me see... Oh, they ’ re mine! Thank you! Unit2 Are they yours? The Lost and Found Office in New York City Welcome to the New York City Lost and Found Office. People often lose things when they ’ re travelling or when they ’ re in a hurry. They leave things on planes, on trains, on buses and in taxis. That ’ s why there are lost and found offices at airports and stations. The New York City Lost and Found Office is very big. Hundreds of people come here every day. They are looking for their phones, cameras, watches, computers and many other things. We usually have about two thousand mobile phones and one thousand cameras. At the moment, there are also some strange things at the New York City Lost and Found Office. There are about a hundred bikes and a large boat. There are also a lot of animals. This week, there are three dogs, two ducks and a pig! Whose are they? Are they yours? We don’ t know! Are you looking for fifteen kilos of sausages? They ’here too!
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