老友记第一季第一集台词

there's nothing to tell,it's just some guy i work with,
come on ,you're going out with the guy,there has to be something wrong with him,
all right ,joey,be nice,
so does he have a humnp and a hairpiece?
wait,does he eat chalk?
i don't want her to gon through what i did with carl,
okay,everybody relax,this is not even a date,
it's just two people going out to dinner and not having sex,
sounds like a date to me
i'm inhigh school in the cafeteria,
and i realize i'm totally maked,
i've had that dream,
then i look down and i realize there is a phone,there,
instead of ,that's right,
never had that one,
all of a sudden,the phone starts to ring,
what do i do ,everyone starts looking at me,
they weren't looking at you before,
finally ,i figure,i'd better answer it,
and it turns out it's my mother,
which is very,very weird,because she never calls me
hi,this guy says hello,i want to kill myself
you okay,sweet,i feel like someone pulled my intestine out of my mouth,
and tied it around my neck cookie,
carol moved her stuff out today,
let me get you some coffee,thanks,
no,don't stop cleansing my aura,
just leave my aura alone okay?fine be murky,
i'll be fine ,i hope she'll be happy
no you don't.
no,i don't ,to hell with her,she left me,
you never knew she was a lesbian,
no okay,why does everyone keep fixating on that,
she didn't know,how should i know?
sometimes i wish i was a lesbian,
did i say that out loud,
i told mom and dad last night,they seem to took it pretty well,
oh really,so that 's a hysterical phone call from a woman sobbing at three am,
i'll never have grandchildren,what was what ,a wrong number,
sorry,look,you're feeling a lot of pain right now,
you're angry,you're hurting,
can i tell you what the answer is,
strip joints,
come on,you're single,have some hormones,
but i don't want to be single okay?
i just want to be married again
and i just want a million dollars,
rachel,oh monica,thank god,
i just went to your building,
and a guy with a hammer,said you'd be here,and you are,
can i get you some coffee,
everybody,this is rachel,a lincoln high survivor,
this is everybody chandler and phoebe,and joey,
remember my brother,ross,sure,
you want to tell us now,or are we waiting for four wet bridesmaids,
well ,it started about a half -hour before the wedding ,i was in the room with all the presents,and i was looking at this really gorgeous limoges gravy boat.
when all of a sudden,i realize,sweet n low
i realized i was more turned on by this gravy boat than barry
i got freaked out,and it hit me,how much barry looks like mr.potato head
i always knew he looked familiar ,but
anyway ,i had to get out of there and i started wondering
why am i doing this and who am i doing it for,
i didn't know where to go,and i know we've drifted apart
but you're the only person i know here,
who wasn't invited to the wedding ,i hoped that wouldn't be an issue
i guess he bought her the pipe organ and she's real

ly not happy about it
tuna or egg salad decide,
i'll have whatever christina's having,
daddy,i just i can't marry him,
i'm sorry,i just don't love him,
well,it matters to me
if i let go of my hair my head will fall off,
she should not be wearing those pants,
push her down the stairs,push her,push her down the stairs,
come on daddy ,listen
all my life ,everyone's always told me,
you're a shoe
what if i don't want to be a shoe
what if i want to be a purse,
or a hat,
no,i don't want you to buy me a hat,it's a metaphor daddy,
you can see where h'd have trouble,
look daddy,it's my life,
well,maybe i'll just stay here with monica,
i guess we've established she's staying with monica
well,maybe that's my decision
maybe i don't need your money,wait i said maybe,
just breathe ,that's it,
just try to think of nice ,calm things,
raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens,
doorbells and sleigh bells and something with mittens,
la la la something and noodles with string lalalala,
i'm all better now,i helped,
this is probably for the best,you know,
independece ,controlling your life ,the whole hat thing,
you need anything,you can always come to joey
me and chandler live across the hall ,he's away a lot,
joey,stop hitting on her,it's her wedding day,
what ,like there's a rule or something?
i got it,please don't do that again ,it's a horrible sound,
oh,it's paul,oh god ,is it 6.30? buzz him in
who's paul,paul the wine guy? maybe,
wait a minute,your not a real date,is with paul the wine guy,
he finally asked you out,
it's a dear diary moment
rach,i can cancel,please go ,i 'll be fine,
ross ,are you okay?do you want me to stay?
that 'd be good,really,go on,it's paul ,the wine guy,
what does that mean,does he sell it ,drink it?or he just complains a lot,
hi,come in,paul,this is,everybody,everybody,this is paul,
the wine guy,i didn't catch your name ,paul,was it?
i'll be right back,i 've just gotta go,a wandering?change,
sit down,two seconds
i just pulled out four eyelashes that can't be good,
hey,paul,here's a little tip
she really likes it when you rub her neck in the same spot,over and over and over ,,,,again until it starts to get red,
shut up ,joey,
so rachel,what are you up to tonight,
well,i was supposed to be headed for aruba on my honeymoon ,so nothing
right,you're not even,getting your honeymoon
although,aruba,this time of year,
talk about your,big lizards,
anyway,if you don't want to be alone tonight,
joey and chandler are helping me with my furniture,
we're very excited about it,
thanks but i'm just going to hang out here,it's been a long day,oh sure,
phoebe ,you wanna help?
i wish i could ,but i don't want to,
love is sweet as summer showers love is a wondrous work of art
but your love,oh,your love ,your love,
is like a giant pigeon
crapping on my heart,thank you
i'm supposed to attach a bracket -y thing to the side things,
using a bunch of these little worm guys,
i have no bracket -y t

hing ,i see no worm guys whatsoever,
and i cannot feel my legs
we got a bookcase,it's beautiful,what's this,
i would have to say that is an l-shaped bracket,
whick goes where,i have no idea,
done with the bookcase all finished,
this was carol's favorite beer,
she always drank it out of the can,i should have know,
you gonna start with that ,we're out of here,please don't spoil all this fun
let me ask you a question
she got the furniture,the stereo the good tv,
what did you get,you guys,
you got screwed,
oh my god,i know ,i'm such an idiot,
i should've known when she went to the dentist five times a week
i mean,how clean can teeth get,my brother's going through that,right now,
he's such a mess,how did you get over it
i might accidentally break something valuable of hers,say her ,legs,
that's one way of doing it,i went for the watch,
you actually broke her watch,
the worst i ever did was i shreded my old boyfriend's favorite towel
steer clear of you,that's right,
barry,i'm sorry,i am so sorry,
you probably think it's about making love with your socks on,but it isn't,
it's about me,and i just,
hi,the machine cut me off again anyway,,,,,
i know that some lucky girl is going to become mrs barry finkel
but it isn't me,it's not me,
not that i have any idea who me is ,right now but you just,have to give me a chance,
i'm divorced,i'm only 26,and i'm divorced ,shut up,
that only took me an hour,
we haven't had a relationship that's lasted longer than a mento
you however,you have had the love of a woman for four years,
four years of clseness and sharing ,after which she ripped your heart out,
and that is why we don't do it,
i don't think that was my point,
you know what's the scary thing,what if there's only one woman for everybody,
i mean,what if you get onewoman and that's it,
unfortunately,in my case,there was only one woman for her,
what are you talking about,one woman,
that's like saying there's only one flavor of ice cream for you
let me tell you something,there's lots of flavors out there,
you can get them with jimmies or nuts or whipped cream,
it's the best thing to happen to you
you got married you were like ,what,8
welcome back to the world,grab a spoon,
i don't know if i'm hungry or horny,then stay out of my freezer,
ever sin she walked out on me
you wanna spell it out with noodles,
it's more of a fifth date,kind of revelation,
so there's going to be a fifth date,isn't there,
yeah yeah,i think there is
what were you going to say,
ever since she left me,
i haven't been able to perform sexually,
oh god,i'm so sorry,
being spit on is probably not what you need right now,
so you still think you might want that fifth date,
we are gathered here to join joanie louise cunningham and charles chachi chachi chachi
in the bonds of holy matrimony
see,but joanie loved chachi,that's the difference
grab a spoon
do you know how long it's been since i grabbed a spoon
do the words ,billy,don't be a he

ro,mean anything to you
great story,but i gotta go
i got a date with andrea,angela no andrea,
andrea's the screamer,angela has cats
right thanks ,it's julie,i'm out of here,
you know ,here's the thing ,even if i could get it together enough to ask a woman out,
who am i going to ask.
thank you so much,stop
last night was like all my birthdays,both graduations,we'll talk later,thank you
that wasn't a real date,what the hell do you do on a real date,
shut up and put my table back,i've got to get to work
if i don't input those numbers it doesn't make much of a difference,
so like ,you guys all have jobs
yeah,we all have jobs,that's how we buy stuff,
yeah,i'm an actor,have i seen you in anything,
i doube it,mostly regional work
unless you saw the wee one's production of pinocchio
at the little theater in the park
it was a job all right,
look,geppetto,i'm a real live boy,
i will not take this abuse,you're right ,i'm sorry,
once iwas a wooden boy ,a little wooden boy
you should both know that he's a dead man,oh chandler,
how are you doing today,sleep okay,
did you talk to barry,i can't stop smiling
i can see that,you look like you slept with a hanger in you mouth,
i know ,he's just so
you remember you and tony demarco,oh yeah
well it's like that,with feelings,
wow,are you in trouble,big time,
want a wedding dress ,hardly used,
i think we're geeting a little ahead of ourselves,
i'm going to get up,go to work,and not think about him all day
or else i'm going to get up and go to work,
wish me luck,what for,
i'm gona go get one of those job things,
hi monica,franny,welcome back,how was florida,
you had sex didn't you,how do you do that,i hate you
i'm pushing my aunt through,parrot jungle ,yo're having sex,so who,
you know paul
paul the wine guy,yeah,i know paul
you mean ,you know paul like i know paul
are you kiddig,i take credit for paul
before me ,there was no snap in his turtle for two years,
of course it was a lie
why would anybody so something like that
i assume we want an answer more sophisticated than to get you into bed
i hate men,i hate men
don't hate,you don't want to put that out into the universe
is it me,
is it like i have some sort of beacon that only dogs and men with emotional problems can hear
come here ,give me your feet,
i just thought he was nice ,you know
i can't believe you didn't know it was a lie
guess what,you got a job
are you kidding i'm trained for nothing
i was laughed out of 12interviews ,you're surprisingly upbeat
you'd be too,if you found these boots on sale 50% off
how well you know me,
they're my new ,i don't need a job
i don't need my parents,i've got great boots botts
how did you pay for them,credit card
and who pays for that,my father,
is this really necessary,i can stop charging any time i want
come on,racher,you can't live off your parents you whole life,
i know that,that's why i was getting married
give her a break,it's hard being on your own for the f

irst time
thank you,
you are welcome,i remember,when i first came to this city ,i was 14
my mom had killed herself,stepdad was in jail
and i got here,i didn't know anybody here,
i ended up living with this albino guy who was cleaning windshields
and then he killed himself
then i found aromatherapy,so i know exactly how you feel
the word you're looking for is"anyway"
you ready,no how can i be ready
ready to jump out of the plane with no parachute,
come on ,i can't do this,i know you can
you made coffee,you can do anything
you know what,i think we can leave it at that,
kind of a symbolic gesture,racher,that was a library card
if you listen closely,you can hear a thousand retailers scream
welcome to the real world
it sucks,you're gonna love it
that's it ,are you going to crash on the couch
no,i gotta go home sometime,are you gonna be okay
look what i just found on the floor
what,that's paul's watch,just put it back where you found it
oh boy,all right,
good night everybody,good night
i'm sorry,hve it,i don't want it,split it
you probably didn't know this but in high school
i had a major crush on you
i knew,you did
i figured you thought i was monica's geeky older brother
listen,do you think
try not to let my vulnerability become a factor here
do you think it would be okay,if i asked you out sometime
okay ,maybe i will
see you,wait wait,what's with you
i just grabbed a spoon
i can't believe what i'm hearing ,i can't believe what i'm hearing
would you stop,was i doing it again
i said you had a nice butt,it's just not a great butt
you won't know a butt if it bit you,there's an image
would anybody like more coffee
you made it,or you're just serving it
i'm just serving it,i'll have a cup of coffee
kids ,new dream,i'm in las vegas
miss,more coffee
could you give this to that guy over there,
go ahead thank you
sorry,okay,las vegas
i'm in las vegas